Let Go

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream that has stuck with me.  I was really high above a really large swimming pool making my way across it by hanging on to a ledge suspended from the air.  There were several times that I slipped but managed to regain my grip and eventually make it across to the other side.  An actor from a boxing movie I had recently seen was even on the sidelines cheering me on.  When I reached the other side and was supposed to jump down to a landing I realized that the landing was too far away.  There was no way I could land on it from where I was.  This got me panicking because the only way down was to let go and drop the several feet into the water.  I tried giving myself a pep talk but just could not get myself to let go. One of the Mom's of some kids noticed my distress and got in the water and reached her hand up to me and told me that it was all going to be ok.  All I needed to do was bridge the distance between letting go of the ledge and her.  She kept telling me "you only need to go this far, let go."  So with the encouragement of the actor and this Mom I let go.  I have no idea what happened next because I woke up, but I do know that I let go.  

I decided to put my new mantra into practice while in Kauai a week later.  I have a terrible fear of heights and I always have visions of plummeting to my death.  I always get nervous leaving my kids behind to go on vacation and I always think something bad is going to happen and my kids will be parentless.  I even go through the panic of deciding that whoever I had picked out to take care of the kids, if this scenario played out, was not who I wanted anymore.  I always figure that it will be the plane ride that will get us, so I am usually a little on edge.  This time armed with my new let go attitude I was completely calm and relaxed and knew whatever will be will be.  This was working out so well that I let my husband talk me into getting into a helicopter to view the island.  Say whaaa???  Yep I really did.  Although you can see the tension smile on my face right before take off.  But, I was pretty calm about that too, although I will admit that I got a bit nervous when it started to rain and the clouds got dense.  I wasn't sure how our pilot was so sure of himself and his skill at avoiding the mountains, but I let go.  We got to see the "jurassic park waterfall" which is on private land so there is no other way to see it.  We also got to see the "fantasy island" waterfall that we were swimming in the day before.

The waterfall was quite the experience.  It was a kayaking and hiking trip that stopped at the waterfall.  We were told that the water was 72 degrees.  It was not.  But, we were there and it is an historic waterfall with many mythical elements of health and stuff like that so I wasn't about to let some frigid water keep me from standing in a waterfall.  Luckily when my SIL saw that I was just crazy and committed enough to actually go for it, she went with me (the boys were having none of that nonsense) .  It was sooo worth it.  We also picked the zip line adventure with the most and highest lines.  It was also the most beautiful.  I even got wild and crazy and jumped off backward on one of the lines thanks to my new mantra.  Now I did have a couple of moments of hesitation and wondering at the wiseness of my decisions to do some of these activities, but I let go.  The last line of the day I had to literally let go.  This was an optional line and we knew from the day before that the water below was most likely going to be freezing.  My SIL and I happily watched everyone else from our group do this (again my hubby was having none of that nonsense).  At the last moment I begged her to do it with me.  We couldn't not or we would regret it later.  I stood on that ledge for a bit of time almost chickening out.  I didn't have a movie actor cheering me on, but I did have the group doing it.  Once you went out, you had to commit to letting go before you hit the stopper in the middle of the line.  If you hit the stopper you would most likely end up doing a back flop, so letting go was a must.  I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I did and the water was freezing.  It is so invigorating conquering your fears and experiencing all that life has to offer.  This new mantra of mine can be applied to anything, not just literal.  Let go of bad habits, your expectation of others, expectations of yourself, worrying what would happen to your kids if you die, having things perfect...  Sometimes you need to hold on, but sometimes you just gotta let go.