Happy Birthday Nate

Nate's birthday fell on black friday this year.  We unknowingly started a tradition last year of not shopping the early bird sales.  Last year we took Emma, Jared and 2 of our nieces to the temple for baptisms.  This year Nate wanted to do a session at the temple - you don't have to ask this girl twice.  We started the day off with an 8am session with friends.  

After that we stopped and got some cupcakes to celebrate with....because you know....we didn't have enough pie or anything like that to eat!  Seriously, I'm so afraid of the scale or to try and put on one of my fitted skirts.  Why does this time of year turn into some kind of glutenous sugar and carb food fest?  Thank goodness for baggy sweaters and stretchy pants!

Then for Nate's birthday we decided to check out a furniture store to see if anything would speak to me so that our living room didn't have to sit empty any longer.  Surprisingly he has been more bugged about it than me.  I've been looking, but I hadn't really felt like spending any money and I couldn't find anything I liked enough to override the lack of desire to fork over cash.  What was funny is that Nate actually gave me his opinion on the type of furniture he wanted in there.  He usually doesn't have much to say which can be pretty frustrating.  This time he had definite opinions on the style of chairs and the color and style of the couch.  He actually got everything he asked for.  I went in wanting a red couch and came out with a citrus green one.  I also went with the chairs he liked instead of the ones I preferred because he had valid reasons for his choices that I agreed with.  I wouldn't have left with something that I hated just to let him have an opinion -that's not how compromise works.  I did make him drag a chair clear across the showroom floor to make sure that his choices would work together.  He ended up not having to drag the chair personally because the sales associate got some burly men to do it for him when she overheard me setting my terms.   

After we paid for the furniture I commented to Nate about how much of an opinion he had this time and how I liked it and wondered why.  He said "because this is the first time you actually wanted my opinion." Well, happy birthday honey! hahaha I guess after 20 years of marriage we are finally getting the hang of communicating with each other.  

 We finished out the day with opening presents and finally getting a train to go around the christmas tree.  Nate has wanted one for years but never felt like spending the money on one and the boys have always wanted one too.  I guess he was in the mood this year because....there is the train.... which they made bigger and put it around the tree.  What was funny is that when we brought the train in the house Jared flipped out.  Apparently he had just had a dream the night before (which he doesn't usually have dreams) that we got a train and he was so excited in this dream and was playing with it.  Pretty cool.  Dreams really do come true :0)

Happy birthday to my sunshine.  

Happy Thanksgiving, I'm a Ding Dong!

The title of this post brings my memory back to a post I called "Merry Christmas, I'm an idiot"  I can't remember how many years ago it was but I know we were living in our old house, so I'm guessing 2007 or 2008.

I've been super tired the last few days and feeling like all my life ambitions have been tossed in the toilet.  I went out with my husband and some friends last night for dinner and was having a hard time staying awake.  I slept in until 7 am so why I was so tired was a mystery to me.  Nate and I sat in the car in the garage talking for awhile when we got home.   It reminded me of when we were dating.  Anyway I was singing my sad song of being done.  I had no advice for him regarding our future for his practice....which I am never without advice.  I had no will to do anything other than waste my life away in my bed watching "Arrow."  I'm dead serious.  I had no inspiration regarding anything in my life.  How to help my son.  How to help my husband.  How to help my seminary students.  How to help my daughter.   What to do about some other relatives.  How to survive this country.  Zip.  Zero.  Nada.

My husband is never phased by my defeatist attitude.  He jokes about handing me a pie and leaving me on the preverbal side of the pioneer trail to await death.  He teased me about trying to stay in bed for a week watching a tv show.  Bless his sweet heart, he doesn't think I have it in me.  I'm pretty sure I do.  I had just spent 2 days watching like 6 episodes.  I was already almost there!  The thing was I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so tired and low......Until this morning.  (little late on posting- now it's a day later...ok 2 days later because it never posted to the blog like it was supposed to)

Truth be told, I was slipping before this little mix up.  All it did was put a magnifying glass onto something that was already brewing.  I'm the reason we turned off the tv service a couple of years ago.  I didn't like how it sucked me and the kids in.  I started only allowing myself 1 hour a day and I kept that up for nearly 2 years.  Well, I haven't been feeling well lately and so I started watching more tv and then around Saturday I started having a hard time talking myself into doing much of anything.  When I woke up this morning I had a hard time focusing my eyes and I was pretty dizzy.  I wondered how it was that I could be so tired yet again.  I slept until almost 7 so why was I so tired?

I decided to force myself downstairs and to stay down there and not return to the deliciousness of my bed.  What did I do while downstairs?  Duh.  I turned on Arrow.  I got up to take my plethora of vitamins and minerals that is supposed to help with various problems.  One of which is chronic inflammation.  I started taking a supplement derived from pineapples called bromelain to see if that would help - it does a little.  Well, the problems is that Jared has not been sleeping so I bought him some melatonin.  Can you see the problem yet?

  Even worse than the bottles looking the same, the pills do too.  As I'm stumbling around the kitchen gathering up all my breakfast supplies I walked back past the open cupboard that contains all the pills.  I noticed that there was still an orange bottle in the cupboard.  And then it hit me.  What did I already have sitting on the kitchen counter?!  For the love of pete!  I had been taking melatonin a couple times a day for the last few days.  No wonder I feel so gloomy and doomy!

 When Nate got home from shooting with a couple of friends this morning I told him of my discovery.  I can't believe I did this to myself.  I can hardly see straight today and every time I bend over I get a wicked case of vertigo.  I'm am so tired and I've got to pull it together enough to go to a friends house for thanksgiving dinner.  My husband thinks I'm pretty hilarious.  I'm not so sure -I just need a nap!

I decided that I needed some fresh air and a good walk to wake me up.  Watson was cracking me up with his little dog syndrome walking with the big dogs in his sissy sweater.  Too hilarious!

 Surprisingly enough I was able to move my body out of the recliner and away from tv long enough to make my 1 and only contribution to the bounteous feast this year.  Truth be told I was looking forward to not celebrating this year.  I wanted to opt out entirely.  I make dinner every year and I decided that I didn't want to this year.  I just wanted to go into hiding.  Nate was all over the decision and called and made reservations at a restaurant for us.  It was a quickly extinguished dream and we decided not to be hermits and spend it with friends.  I bought some costco pies and made Nate's families traditional monkey bread recipe.

Jordyn loves to cook so she helped me out by cutting out all the biscuits.  I guess my attempts to be lame will have to be saved for another day.  It took extra patience to let her help when I was so tired and didn't want the extra work, but look how adorable she is.  I couldn't let her down.

While I'm grateful that there is nothing seriously wrong with me other than a pill mixup, I'm still pretty upset that I've managed to ruin my thanksgiving by being in a near coma state.  My eyes are half closed now.

I love how the Lord looks out for me even when I'm being a ding dong.  I found an article that addressed one of my problems I was talking to Nate about the night before.  The title of the article alone made me laugh.  There was also a funny little video I found online from Glenn B talking about the string of bad luck they were having.  It made me laugh because of all the times I've been in the same situation and have been like- enough already!

This Thanksgiving I'm grateful that I have a family that puts up with my moody behaviors and bouts of laziness.  I'm grateful for friends that don't allow me to be a hermit and I'm grateful for others struggles that helps me to know that I'm not alone.  I'm also super grateful that I finally discovered the source of my problem and was able to fix it.

There Was a Funk In the Air

Saturday there was a palpable funk in the air. It started off with me having one of the worst
headaches of my life and not being able to sleep well at all on Friday night. I felt like I might crawl out of my skin. Nate had finally had enough of my tossing and turning and got me a pill from his bag of tricks, put it in my mouth and told me not to worry about what it was. I still don't know what it was but I was able to get a little sleep after and my headache had subsided quite a bit by morning. I still wasn't feeling that great and couldn't talk myself out of my bed so I perused netflix and decided to take a change on a stupidly named film called "Salmon fishing in Yemen" -or something like that. I don't know how you would sell a movie like that and the description wasn't any more enticing,  but when you are looking for things to watch that you likely won't have to turn off because of vulgarity, this choice seemed very promising. I'm no film buff and what I was really hoping is that I wouldn't want to gouge my eyes out because it was an environmentally driven agenda. Good news, I really enjoyed it. 

In the meanwhile my husband got ready to leave for his concealed carry renewal course and teased me about being able to sniff out gooey love stories, gave me a kiss with a hope that I would be feeling better so I could meet him for lunch with the kids during his break.  I finally decided to venture out of my bed and try to eat something and go for a walk. My eating habits have slipped again and I really needed the exercise. Plus when you are feeling bad it is the best time to get up and get moving. Sometimes all you need is a little momentum. Well, I successfully made it thru my walk but then my stomach started hurting. I was running out of time to get showered and get ready to meet my husband. There was a knock at my door from my neighbor and seminary teaching partner. She had my half of the case of honeycrisp apples we were sharing. 

Then she broke the news to me. Their 3 1/2 year old dog Lucky had died the night before. She gave me all the details of what went down. Basically he was acting a little sluggish and had been taken into the vet 2 times within a day, had a seizer and was gone. Her 2 oldest are in our seminary class as well and everyone was devastated. So heartbreaking. The only silver lining was that they received an immediate answer to prayer. While the dog started seizing violently they went back into another room to pray to see what they needed to do for their beloved dog and while they were praying the noise from the rattling dog carrier stopped
and he was gone. They dug a 4 foot hole in the backyard, had a funeral and burried him.  

After that I decided that I had to try and feel better with a shower. At this point I was surprised that Nate hadn't txt me to tell me it was time to meet. In fact it was getting to the point where he wouldn't have time to meet. At first I was a little relieved because I was feeling so horribly and I wasn't ready to go anywhere. I sent him a txt asking if everything was alright and hopped in the shower. When I got out I had a cryptic txt that freaked me out. "things are going pretty bad.  Just finished CPR and he didn't make it." There was absolutely no context for the txt and my husband was at a shooting range. Was it him sending me the txt. Was it some stranger sending a txt from my dead husbands phone. What the heck? My husband does like to tease me, was he? I sent back "what? why are you doing cpr?" When it had been 15 min and I still didn't have a response I decided to call because now my stomach was really hurting. Turns out that he was doing cpr and then when the paramedics got there he was holding the guys wife back. It wasn't a gunshot wound. The 67 year old man was walking up to position to begin shooting and he just buckled at the knees and fell back onto the ground. Nate immediately knew something was wrong and ran up to the man. Cleared is airway and began calling out orders.  Luckily there was a PA and his wife who was a nurse in the slot next to them and they ran over and began compressions while 911 was called. They had to reiterate several times that it was not a gunshot wound. Nate then moved to comforting the wife and trying to keep her off of her husband. They collectively worked on the man for an hour. I think it was 30 minutes with the paramedics and he was shocked several times when they finally called it. Nate was holding hands with the wife and hugging her and comforting her and baring his testimony to her. And then he was pronounced dead. She tried to leave by herself and luckily one of the other women at the course told her that she was going to drive her home. I'm so glad she was surrounded by so many people at this horrible time. I'm so glad Nate was there to provide comfort to her through it all. I'm also glad that he wasn't' driving home when this happened.  What a horrible day. Nate was in shock and not ready to talk to me when I called because the shock was wearing off and all the held back emotions were being let loose.  

Could the funk be over? Not yet. It was time to get Jordyn to her basketball game. My other neighbor and friend had heard about the dog dying because our daughters had been texting each other through their ipods. We were talking about how sad it was and then I told her about Nate's day and how it was feeling like a funk filled day. She then proceeded to tell me what happened to another neighbor of ours the night before - so the same day as the dog. On Thursday the husband of a retired couple lost a long battle with an illness. There was lots of family over at the house comforting the wife. She was unconsolable and had locked herself in her room. This is now the next day -Friday. She came out to the kitchen to get something and went into the bathroom where she proceeded to shoot herself in the head. I can't even tell you how many times I have walked past that house on my daily walks. I didn't know that couple personally but I know 2 of their neighbors.  Needless to say I called it quits at 8pm Saturday night. I was done with the funky day. 

I had some crazy dreams and woke up with a raging headache at 5 am and thought it was Monday and I was mad at myself for not having finished my lesson for seminary. I finally realized that it was Sunday and went back to bed to see if the headache would go away. One of the crazy dreams had something to do with people in 3rd world countries missing arms or legs and still being cheerful and surviving. There is no time for self pity when you need to survive and are grateful that you still can.  I was contemplating how horrible Americans are about trials and self pity in this dream. I chastise myself even in my dreams as well as when I'm awake. I'm telling you - no one wants to be let into the inner sanctum of my brain or they would run screaming.  I told my husband that I thought I had the dream because I was starting to feel sorry for myself again. What is really funny is that I went downstairs to get some breakfast and decided to read the Church news.  What was the first article? "Spoilers of the future" by Brent H Nielson. 2 quotes from the synopsis of his speech were "don't let your trials own you, you own them." and "The key tomorrow when you wake up and face the burdens of your life is to submit cheerfully and with patience to the will of the Lord. Allow the Savior's enabling power....to make your burdens light."  Between the dream and that talk.... message received. I'm also teaching about forgiveness for my lesson tomorrow which this goes nicely with. I decided to introduce the kids to someone they have never met before. You can find this person in a blog post of mine form April of 2009 called "takin a trip down memory lane." That was a trial that I didn't let own me.

There is a song I am totally into right now called "Unbreakable" by Jaime Scott.  It fits nicely with my 2009 post.  In this world where we are trying to learn about forgiveness and love we need to realize that we all have struggles.  The advesary is working hard on each one of us and we just need to be there to put our arms above each other to shield and protect against the things that would break us.  

On Sunday a friend of mine that likes to have deep thought provoking conversations with me posed a question for me to ponder.  I love it!  Challenge accepted.  The only problem was that we started getting into the conversation instead of listening to the lesson.  I can be naughty sometimes.  If I can get this figured out there will be a post.  First - start thinking about what's in a name and all the names we have.  We had a name in the pre-exsistance.  We were given a name and a blessing by our earthly parents.  We take upon us the name of Christ at baptism. There is another name we are given in conjunction with an ordinance.  We are going to be called something in the next life.  Here's the question.  What do we need to understand about Mosiah 5:8-9?

8 And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives.

 9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ.

I have a cool little app that makes studying things like this so much fun.  It's called "citation index."  Every talk that ever used that scripture as a reference is listed there.  It is delightful. Problem with this subject - there are only 3 talks.  Do I think I'm going to understand this?  No, not at all, but it will be a fun journey and I'll most likely understand something better than I did before I started.  

Maybe all the death I was surrounded by this weekend got me curious about the after-earth-life.  It's going to be a pretty mind blowing experience.  I'm jealous of all they get to know now and I'm still left to wonder about.  It was a perfectly timed question and a great way to end a streak of funk.    

Grateful Turkeys

I let the kids decided what we were going to do for FHE on Monday.  Lots of times it is something spiritual and I wanted them to be able to just do something fun.  Jared has been mad that Thanksgiving gets robbed of it's glory by Christmas and wanted to honor the holiday.  He came up with doing the hand turkeys with stuff we are grateful for.  I was surprised that he wanted to write down things that he was thankful for.  Turns out he didn't, he just wanted to make the turkey because hand turkeys are cool.  haha  Some of my favorite quotes from the night all by Jared:

"mom, you're like the over achiever kid in my kindergarten class that I hated"

"Emma, is the super artsie kid.  Ethan is the kid that wanted to be artsie but failed"  When asked about Jordyn's abilities he didn't really say, but we decided that she was very artsie because she was the only one that cut out different shapes for the feathers.  When asked about his he just said his was "a super cool looking turkey"

 It came time to write what we were thankful for on our turkey.  Jared claimed he had nothing to be thankful for.  We all disagreed and started listing stuff off.  Computer games.  Computers.  Hello!  Technology!  "Well, I guess"  "You guess?  Dude that song that Kip sang about technology is soooo you!"  This led to a debate on whether or not Kip sang a song about technology and then when I told Emma and Jared the entire scene.  About the wedding.  They were shocked and in denial that there was a wedding scene.  I couldn't believe that they had no idea this part of the movie existed.  I kept trying to jog their memory.  I even reenacted Napoleon riding in on the horse - complete with facial expressions.  Dude, it was super sweet!

There was only 1 way to resolve the matter.  Pull out the video and show them the proof.  Nate qued the movie up and let the magical wonders of that scene unfold.  The kids couldn't believe they have been alive this long and watched the movie as many times as they had without ever knowing about that scene.  I told Jared that if he didn't sing that song at his wedding I was going to.  We could even get Jordy or Ethan to play the super sweet melodic sounds of the organ to accompany it.  

Well, all this talk of technology made it into the subconscious because it showed up a couple of times.  What is interesting is that we didn't really talk about what we were writing down but there seemed to be a couple of themes.  

Emma : "I am grateful for the ability to be grateful for everything"

J-Man: "I'm thankful for time travel thanks to those sweet crystals"

Jordy: "I'm grateful for chocolate, technology, parents, food & water"

Ethan: "my family, my parents, my talents, animals, life, food, technology"

Me:" I am grateful for my family, my testimony, The Book of Mormon, Jesus Christ, temples, chocolate"

Now when I was writing mine I realized that I turned into "that person." There was nothing fun on my list and I was running out of room so I threw in chocolate.  I truly never pictured a time when I would list all those things and truly mean them and not say them just because I thought I should.  Jared wanted to read what I wrote and he said "wait let me guess"  and he started listing off the stuff I had written.  Well, at least he knows his mother.  Then he grabbed my turkey from me to read it and  started busting up.  "What's with the random 'chocolate'."  hahaha

While we were wrapping up the night Nate surprised me by telling me that we needed to do family pictures.  What?  I think my ears must have been clogged because I thought he was telling me to set up an appointment for family pictures.  He then started talking about what color outfits we were going to wear.  I think I landed in the twilight zone.  I told everyone that we should do red and gray and there was some debate.  Emma doesn't like red but she likes maroon.  Jared made a joke that was actually funny "we just need to kick one of our family members out and we could be maroon 5."  

Stay tuned.  There may be family pictures coming next.

ps, I started taping the turkey pictures to the wall because the fridge is not magnetized and Emma said "what you don't love us?  Our pictures aren't fridge worthy?"  Thus they are taped to the fridge :0)

Our October Quotes

We finally did it.  We sat down for FHE last night and just when we were about to start working our out "thankful turkeys"  my husband reminded me that I wanted everyone's quotes from general conference.  Well this led to a bit of panic because the little ones had already turned theirs into me weeks ago.  Trouble was,  they were on little scraps of paper.  This discussion brought up all the other missing pieces of paper like Jordyns homework instructions.....It was at this point that Jared decided that if I had a super villain name it would be "the little engine that could throw everything away."  I can only handle the clutter for so long until I just start chucking everything into the trash....apparently important things.....like a couple of bills that were hidden in a stack of papers that I had shoved into a corner.  This night wasn't going very well for me!

Luckily, quotes were found and re-looked up.  We'll start youngest to oldest.  Drum roll please......

Jordyn gave me the quote "never doubt God's prophets" by Neil L Anderson.  I like to give full quotes so here it is:

"You may understandably question what you hear on the news, but you need never doubt the testimony of God's prophets"

Ethan gave me "adjust your mask before helping others" then clarified by saying "you know, meaning spiritual mask.  This quote is also by Neil L Anderson.  The full quote:

"Now is the time to adjust your own spiritual oxygen mask so that you are prepared to help others who are seeking truth"

Jared didn't take a single note this year.  When asked for a quote her tried to give me Dr Seuss and someone else.  We had a stand off and he said "I don't really care."  Great.  That's your quote.  Well, he didn't like that and said it would bring shame to the family and himself if I put that on the wall.  Really?  That's a good sign.  He decided to look through the church news that did recaps of all the talks.  He chose this one by President Thomas S Monson:

"To sail the seas of mortality we need the guidance of the mariner -even the great Jehovah"

Emma had a hard time choosing between 3 quotes.  Can you say "between" when it's more than 2?  After realizing that one of them was the one Ethan chose and she already used one of them for seminary, she went with the one that was left, but then I let her have 2.  She gave me "your testimony doesn't have to be this tall to enter" and "the process of receiving light is the quest of a lifetime."  Full quotes are:

"I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, 'your testimony must be this tall to enter'"

"The process of gathering spiritual light is the quest of a lifetime"

I chose a quote after changing my mind several times.  The reason I picked the one I did was because it was the 2nd talk of conference and it made me say "boom baby!"  It's exactly what we are going to need to make it through the times ahead.  Are we going to fear man or fear God?  It's from Lynn G Robbins

"Trying to please others before pleasing God is inverting the first and second great commandments"

This reminded me that I forgot to give the 3 stages of loosing an argument when talking with someone that likes to use "facts."  Let's remember my "factual" statement that "I have wings and can fly."  

Stage 1 of rebuttal to my facts you don't find as fact - "you are just an ill informed dunderhead.  I'm sorry you're too stupid to figure it out and so easy to be brain washed. " 

Stage 2 - when you realize that I may actually have some brain cells you then move into the "well you're just a winged human denier."  

Stage 3- when you've got nowhere left to run (or just want to save time- skip everything else and lead with it) pull out the trusty argument to shut down all arguments.  "well, you are just a racist hater or religious oppressor of the winged humans who is selfish and wants to destroy all of humanity and the earth because of your superiority complex."   

This was a purposeful silly argument, but then I find most arguments that we are having today completely bizarre and surreal - void of common sense and principles.  Yep this is totally why I chose the quote I did.  We are going to need some serious courage and we are going to have to decide once and for all "which way do you face?"  Are you gonna let people shut you down and shame you into not making a stand or are you going to stand?  Are you going to believe that you are a dunderhead hateful oppressor?  Are you going to worry about what people think or what God thinks?  

Nate chose a quote by Dallin H Oaks:

"The gospel of Jesus Christ and the covenants we have made inevitably cast us as combatants in the eternal contest between truth and error.  There is no middle ground in that contest."

I love how the quote he chose goes so perfectly with mine.  We must be thinking on the same wavelength.  

A Little Fun

I am going to attempt something.  I am going to try very hard to make my kids happy.  They really want me to do a funny post like I used to that doesn't involve "you know this really reminds me of (insert something spiritual).  I was told that I am incapable of even talking about my dogs haircut without turning it into a spiritual lesson.  Honestly I didn't know I was that good.  hmmmm could I turn a haircut into something spiritual?  Well.  Probably ;0)  I was told my blog has turned into a "bible."  Um, yeah.  No!  That conversation did lead to a clarification on what the "small plates" means.  I hope my kids get a kick out of reading about this when they are older because it is pretty funny even now.  

So, on a completely analogy free note......Jordyn joined the school basketball team.  She was really nervous about joining because a lot of the kids have been playing for years.  I convinced her that didn't matter and she decided to give it a try.  She told me the other day "joining basketball was the best decision of my life."  She is really loving it.  Most of the time she hasn't got a clue what is going on but she gives it her all and is all in.  Shoot, I'm sitting in the stands and I don't know what is going on.  There are whistles blowing all the time and I'm like "what now?"  The problem with the teams is that they are 5th &6th grade.  That is a pretty big difference at that age.  You can tell by the height differences of the players.  On Saturday we played a team that was mostly 6th graders and their parents were intense.   I wanted to say "yeah, you're so tuff beating a bunch of 5th graders."  What was funny was that their team kept trying to play dirty.  Yes.  At that age.  Karma got them and they ended up with 2 players down because of knee injuries.  Guess you shouldn't be trying to trip people!  My daughter even noticed that both times the other team got hurt players it was when they were trying to hurt us, got hurt in the process, and then they started crying to cover up their dirty deeds.  Cray cray.  

She's having a ball (pun intended-wah wah) though and said that she can't wait for her braces to come off so that when she gets hit in the mouth with the ball it won't hurt as much.  Oh sweet baby girl.  I've been really surprised by her toughness because she was not this tough during ice skating lessons.  She was always crying and hurt and cold and wanting to leave.  Now she takes a ball to the face and keeps on going.  

 Now to the story that started this post.  Watson.  Watsipoo.  Watsikins.  His hair was getting pretty matted and full of dreadlocks.  During the summer when his hair would dry faster it was tight little curls of cuteness.  I had only ever cut his hair with scissors and bathed him myself.  I wasn't sure what to tell a groomer so I never took him in.  Well, he was looking pretty mangy so I decided to give it a try.  

I thought I made myself clear.  I don't like his super pink skin.  If his hair is too short he will look like a pig.  I don't want that.  I guess wanting all the matting out took precedence over the other instructions.   Nate and I had a temple shift to work at so I had no idea what was going on at the groomers.  They called Emma to pick him up and she took Jordyn with her.   

Emma saw him when she walked in but didn't know it was him.  When the guy told her that was her dog Jordyn screeched "what?" and started busting up.  Emma felt bad because she didn't want to offend the groomer.  He brushed it off and teased Jordyn about making Watson feel bad about himself.  I had instructed Emma to txt me a picture even though I couldn't see it until we were done with our shift.  When we got out to the car and I saw it, I started busting up too.  I had to take my own picture when we got home - you can see Nate in his suit in the background. 

We laughed about how we no longer have to cut poo out of his bum hair and now we don't have to look at the pee stained hair on his belly either.  It is much more sanitary to be sure.  What is funny is that Jared likes the haircut.  He said if he owned a dog, that's what it would look like and not the mangy thing we had up to that point.  I guess that fits with his personality, but it's still funny to think of him with a foo foo groomed dog.  

Well, I felt so bad for Watson because the winter is not the time to be trying out some super short haircut.  What oh what could we do?  I know!  Get him an ugly christmas sweater!  Buwahaha.  The look on watson's face says it all.  "Really lady?  First the haircut and now this?"  Nate thinks he is going to jump in front of a car to end his shame.  I think he's adorable.  Now all I need is a purse to carry him around in and the look will be complete!  Poor watson looks like a poodle now instead of the manly dog he used to be.  

OK.  I made it pretty far through the post without making using an analogy or turning the ordinary into something spiritual.  Pretty good job right?  While I was getting groceries this morning I came across this little piece of nostalgia.  As my kids would say "it got me in the childhood feels."  

Here's where I'm going to go off the rails and disappoint my kids.  Sorry guys.  I just can't help myself.  I shouldn't have read an article before sitting down to do this.  It was a response post by a blogger talking about the medias reaction to polygamy and the church.  The church just put out some information about it in a long line of outing itself on history.  I always get myself into trouble when I start reading comments.  Seriously I just wanted to go back to the store, buy the happy bubbles and scrub my brain after reading all that garbage.  I feel sad for people who have left the church and are now fulfilling prophecy by being completely unable to leave the church alone.  I know some may  think they are on some mission to save people and some don't really care about saving anyone they are just out to destroy the church (there's lots written about the latter and the "traditions of their fathers").  The thing that made me wish for the happy bubbles the most was the use of the word "fact."  Apparently I can say whatever I want.  Fact.  As long as that one word sentence is there after or before whatever I just said, well then......fact!  To be fair, the comments using "fact" were in response to the authors use of the word.  However, they were using what they considered facts as a counter.  So....I don't know if you know this,  I have wings and can fly.  Fact!   It's kinda fun.  I think I'll give it a try the next time I'm in an argument.   Then I'll go find my happy place in a tub full of bubbles and dream of a time when I had no clue what was going on in the world around me.  

Gifts

Life is full of many gifts.  One would think that my son receiving his drivers license was a gift to him, but you'd be wrong.  The kid didn't want a license.  I told him that was just too darn bad because I was not raising some dependent kid who is never going to leave the preverbal basement of his parents home.  He should have gotten it in August, but he had surgery on his right foot and he kept refusing to drive anywhere blaming me for his lack of desire....something about not liking being yelled at.  Hey!  I have major anxiety!  Is it my fault if driving with my children makes my life and bank account flash before my eyes?  So, the real gift was to me because I don't have to hound him about driving hours anymore and I have an extra driver.....and hopefully a kid that doesn't want to live in my basement.  

It has become tradition in our house that your first solo drive involves your sibling and a trip to sonic for happy hour slushies.  The funny thing is that Jared is a major cheapskate.  He always makes Emma pay for everything -and silly girl, she does.   Jared doesn't really like to leave the house so he had no desire for his maiden voyage, but Emma was persistent.  He owed her a slushy and she wanted him to pay up- and besides, he needed to get the dreaded drive up window experience over with.  Welcome to adulthood, driving, and boys buying things for girls.

Wednesday morning the weather decided to flip out.  It was 18 degrees, but really only about 9 with the windchill factor.  It was seriously cold.  What do you do on such a day?  Cuddle up with a blanket, a dog, scriptures, and a fire.  mmmmm toasty warm. All things I truly consider gifts -the kind that keep you warm inside and out.  

Jordyn is trying to discover the gift of books.  She needs to spend more time reading to get her skills up so I made her sit with me and read for an hour (the elementary school had the day off for parent teacher conferences).  She set the timer on her phone and kept looking at it every min.  She said "this is the longest hour of my life!"  I finally had to confiscate her timer so that she would stop looking at the time and just try to enjoy the story she was reading.  She was totally hogging all the heat coming from the fireplace!

After I finished my scripture reading I pulled out 2 speeches a friend recommended to me.  It was after a training meeting we were at together Tuesday night and we were talking about being disconnected (my previous post).  Knowing her is like having a personal library assistant.  She said that she knew just the speech for me to read and the perfect companion piece to it.  I came home printed them off and started reading them the next morning.  Having her as a friend is an absolute true gift.  The internet is another gift because "Unleashing the Dormant Spirit" was given in 1996.  With about 2 seconds of searching the internet I had it printed out and in my hands.  Amazing!  Yes in this digital age, I printed them out.  I wanted the satisfaction of the yellow highlighter in my hand and then to keep them in my seminary lesson/journal book.  If I can understand this piece of the puzzle I can hopefully help others to understand it as well - which is always my goal. 

What else is amazing is this speech.  When I read it I thought.  Good grief.  Forget everything I've said on the subject.  Go to him.  There's no need for me.  Here's what I reminded myself of.  There is a law of witnesses.  I am but another witness to everything that has ever been said before.  I have my own applications and understanding that make me unique, but if you want the good stuff - go to this talk.  Now a word of caution.  You may not be ready for such a speech.  This is definitely living the higher law.  Don't get down on yourself.  In fact he quotes a Christian teacher by the name of John Cassian who said this:

"It is easier for a worldly person to come to a healing change of his life, or even to the top of perfection, than a tired saint who is fallen from his first enthusiasm, because the worldly man will go through pain and agony and, sooner or later, he will not be able to stand it any longer, and will rush in the depths of depression to the source of true cleansing.  But, when somebody has begun to pollute his name as a saint, without joyfulness and enthusiasm, he will still feel safe and, therefore, will not recognize what he is missing and, therefore, he is not easy to be taught,  He will say in his heart, I'm blessed.  I know it all and need nobody."

How true is that statement.  I have always felt lucky that I was a convert because I know what it's like not to have the gospel and I had to fight and sacrifice to have it.  Everyone needs a crisis or a decision of faith......and you have to keep having them over and over again.  There are lots of great books written on the subject. 

Now, if after you read that speech and you find yourself in a pit of despair, comfort yourself with the talk by president Eyring "gifts of the Spirit for Hard Times."  It is a much gentler approach to the same subject.  He emphasizes the message more clearly that "the Holy Ghost only dwells in a clean temple, and the reception of the Holy Ghost cleanses us through the Atonement of Jesus Christ."  It's more of an eternal round.  You can't have 1 without the other.  The speeches compliment each other so well -again the law of witnesses!

Speaking of witnesses.  Just before I read those 2 speeches I was reading this verse in Helaman 15 (yes I'm still in Helaman!) verse 10.  Samuel the Lamanite had been on the wall crying repentance to the Nephites.  He is telling them that the Lamanites are better than they are.  Ouch! Here's why:

"And now, because of their steadfastness when they do believe in that thing which they do believe, for because of their firmness when they are once enlightened, behold, the Lord shall bless them and prolong their days, notwithstanding their iniquity -"

That scripture is a witness to what that Christian teacher said.  I also like at the very beginning of this chapter it has the theme of my general conference quote by Elder Holland from April -in verse 1 it says "except ye shall repent your houses shall be left unto you desolate."  For me the funnest part of studying is seeing how everything ties together and fits together like one enormous puzzle.  That is one of the blessings of study - all things start fitting together, testifying of each other, and making more sense because your mind is being opened up to understanding.  

I can only tell you in some small degree what I have noticed in myself.  The more I try to make myself a worthy vessel for the Spirit to dwell within me, the more I see his guidance in every thing that I'm doing.  I've also made it a choice to see every encounter as a miracle.  Simple things like being at the school on the day that a teacher was going to break down in tears and I was there to offer a hug.  Sitting next to my friend and talking about a subject that I was thinking about and she gave me 2 more wonderful resources.  Needing the words to say in a situation that I'm not equipped to deal with and they came - and with power.  I've documented a lot of the situations here and even more in my private journal.  Some things I just can't share here.  This is still an accurate representation of how I view my world, but I have to be careful - my private journal- not so much.  There's some pretty cool experiences in there right now.  

My kids actually gave me a hard time earlier this week.  It started by Ethan asking what I type on the computer "all day everyday." My blog and my journal.  "That much?"  The older kids piped up and said "your blog used to be cool because it was about us.  Now it's not.  What good is it to us now?"  Well, first of all.  They complained when it was about them.  Second of all, I've needed an outlet for all my thinking.  This blog is really just me thinking out loud and letting anyone who want to, take the journey with me.  I don't like to go back over what I've written in the current year.  I get too critical and wonder why I didn't add different things or say it better.  Sometime I do have to check and see if I've already talked about something because my brain can't keep track of it all.  I tried to explain to my children that was I was writing was extremely valuable to them and their children.  They just rolled their eyes.  Ahhh children are such a gift :0)

Self Esteem

I had one of those times yesterday when the lesson that I had prepared to teach in seminary is not the lesson I gave.  Actually I knew right after I got done writing out all my notes for the lesson that it didn't work.  It's not that it wasn't a good lesson, it's just that it wasn't going in the direction that it needed to go.  All I knew for sure was that I needed to talk about Patriarchal blessings.  One of the cool things about the Doctrine and Covenants is that it contains a bunch of -essentially- patriarchal blessings.  When a new member of the church wanted to know what the Lord wanted them to do they would go ask Joseph Smith, he would inquire of the Lord and then that answer became a section in the Doctrine and Covenants.  We have been calling attention to all the "if/then" statements contained in those answers.  If you do this (obey doctrine or a commandment) then I will do this (covenant to bless).  It's the doctrine and covenants -pretty cool right?    In section 130 we learn: 20 There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—21 And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.  The problem comes when you don't hold up your end of the covenant -obeying the commandment or doctrine.  That covenant becomes "void and of none effect" 54:4

We recently learned about the shakers and their inability to let go of their traditions and beliefs.  We learned about Ezra Thayre  having a hard time obeying revelation that was given to him.  This ability to let go is just a big of problem for us mortals.  I see it as a disconnect.  The inconsistency of the person we say we are and the person we really are.  "Let us once and for all establish our residence in Zion and give up the summer cottage in Babylon." Neil A Maxwell.  We say we want Zion.  We say we want eternal life but then our actions are not consistent with that goal.  We want to get there without the sacrifice.  We want the covenant without any actual work on our part.

This disconnect is something that I have been spending some time pondering about.  I notice it everywhere.  Am I saying that I am exempt?  Above being disconnected? Ha!  I am working toward being more consistent though.  We are all at different levels in our journey and we need to love everyone for where they are at.  I just find it interesting the behaviors gospel minded people are willing to engage in and celebrate while saying that they are on another path.  When you look at those sections in the D and C you see not only how quick to forgive the Lord is, but also how quick to revoke blessings.  When you think about everything we have in this world to distract us from being righteous and then look at how seemingly little those saints had to tempt them you wonder how it was that they could have been so tempted into evil.  They are getting all geared up for Zion in Missouri and then...dun dun dun.   D Todd Christofferson addressees this very thing when he said:

“Much of the work to be done in establishing Zion consists in our individual efforts to become ‘the pure in heart’ (D&C 97:21). ‘Zion cannot be built up unless it is by the principles of the law of the celestial kingdom,’ said the Lord; ‘otherwise I cannot receive her unto myself’ (D&C 105:5). The law of the celestial kingdom is, of course, the gospel law and covenants, which include our constant remembrance of the Savior and our pledge of obedience, sacrifice, consecration, and fidelity.

“The Savior was critical of some of the early Saints for their ‘lustful … desires’ (D&C 101:6; see also D&C 88:121). These were people who lived in a non-television, non-film, non-Internet, non-iPod world. In a world now awash in sexualized images and music, are we free from lustful desires and their attendant evils? Far from pushing the limits of modest dress or indulging in the vicarious immorality of pornography, we are to hunger and thirst after righteousness. To come to Zion, it is not enough for you or me to be somewhat less wicked than others. We are to become not only good but holy men and women. Recalling Elder Neal A. Maxwell’s phrase, let us once and for all establish our residence in Zion and give up the summer cottage in Babylon (see Neal A. Maxwell, A Wonderful Flood of Light [1990], 47)” (“Come to Zion,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2008, 38–39).

How does this all tie into self esteem.  The world is looking for self esteem in all of those distractions.  You are looking for external indicators to validate your existence.  True self esteem can only come as a direct result of our obedience to the commandments.  That obedience gives us confidence.  The entire world could be telling you that you are crazy or of no value but when you have the promised protection and blessings from the Lord all the worldly voices get drowned out because you know who you are and who's you are and nothing else matters.  That ability to align your will to Heavenly Fathers gives you the confidence to defy the consensus because His opinion of you is the only one that matters.  

How do you get to this level of self worth?  I believe one of the keys was found in Elder Carlos A Godoy's talk at General Conference titled, "The Lord Has a Plan for Us!"  

He quoted president Uchtdorf in that talk by saying : “Through years of serving the Lord … , I have learned that the difference between happiness and misery in individuals, in marriages, and families often comes down to an error of only a few degrees” 

The small decisions matter.  A lot!  I mentioned in my last post about having to be very careful not to offend the spirit if you want guidance and illumination in your life.  If you want to receive revelation you've got to be willing to sacrifice.  What kind of sacrifice?  Go back to that quote above about lustful desires.  How much time are we spending in the pursuit of trivial things.  This is where our Patriarchal blessings come in.  Elder Goday said this: “if you continue to live as you are living, will the blessings promised in your patriarchal blessing be fulfilled?”  Then he added a little later a quote from a talk that changed my life by Elder Dallin H Oaks: “As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best” 

Where does this leave us?  You can start by pulling out that blessing you received.  If you haven't received one yet, now's the time.  Ask yourself what is keeping you from getting one and then make a plan.  For my son we had to reframe the question by asking "is there any reason I shouldn't get one?" Because he didn't know how to tell if he was ready or not.  I can tell you that I'm not sure you are ever really ready for.  It's like marriage and kids.  Is anyone ever really ready to be married or have kids?  You think you might be, but you have no clue.  Sometimes you've just got to jump in and trust.  

Here's what I did with mine -without telling you the specifics of the blessing.  First and foremost you have to understand that the Lord isn't going to string a bunch of fancy magical words that have never been uttered before for.  Not gonna happen.  If you have done any serious reading in the standard works you know that he says the same things to everyone over and over and over again.  When I realized that little fact it opened up my understanding and how I felt about my own blessing.  One of my favorite examples of this realization is found in D and C sections 15 & 16.  It was essential the same exact blessing for brothers John and Peter Whitmer.  The Lord let us know that although he had the same things to tell each of them they were in fact separate individuals that deserved equal attention and direction from Him.  Thus he gave them each their own blessing instead of saying that it was for them to share.  

Now that we understand where we are starting from, here is what I did with mine.  I broke it down into:

What I need to know

What I need to do

What blessings I will receive

What do I feel I've seen the fruit of

Is there something I need to change to have those blessings fulfilled

What goes into each of those categories is entirely your own interpretation.  My kids teased me back when Emma was getting hers because they thought mine had all been fulfilled -um still here so nope!  Doing this exercise helped me to see just how many blessings have come to pass -which a lot of them happened in the last 4-5 years.  The person who went in for that blessing and the person I am today is -I don't want to say totally different because I'm still me.  So I'll say - I stared out good and became better (a more committed disciple) and the best version of myself is yet to come!  I have a renewed confidence that I am becoming who I am supposed to be and I just need to stay the course.  

My teaching companion did this exercise after I went over it with the class yesterday and she reported back today.  She told the class how she always thought her blessing was so short, but when she did this she realized how packed it was with things for her to do and blessings she would receive and what was still left to accomplish.  

One last quote to bring this all home.  It is from yet another conference talk.  Have I mentioned how much I love conference?  BTW my family still has not turned in their favorite quotes for the quote wall and I haven't given them a hard time because every time I think I picked thee quote that will determine my course for the next 6 months, I find another one.  I'll commit to one sooner or later.  Anyway this last quote is from Elder Larry S Kacher called "Trifle Not with Sacred Things." Heavenly Father has blessed us with the supernal gift of the Holy Ghost to guide our choices. He has promised us inspiration and revelation as we live worthy to receive such. I invite you to take advantage of this divine gift and examine your choices by asking yourself the question, “Are my decisions firmly planted in the rich soil of the gospel of Jesus Christ?” I invite you to make whatever adjustments are needed, whether small or large, to ensure the eternal blessings of Heavenly Father’s plan for you and those you love."

Manna

I feel so lucky to be living so close to AZ so that I can reap the benefits that it has without actually having to live there.  Pretty sweet deal.  One such perk is being able to attend TOFW.  I have a slight addiction to attending the event each year -sometimes twice (if I go here and there).  I didn't get to go this year in abq because we were in Nauvoo instead.  

I'm all about looking for opportunities to strengthen my armor and the armor of my family, so I took my daughter and niece with me.  They had an event just for girls at the same time.  It was my niece's first experience with anything like this.  She's never been to EFY or TOFG.  

My daughter is a bigger daredevil than I am.  She actually raced up to the stage and talked with one of my favorite "B's" - John Bytheway, and Hillary Weeks.  Emma and Megan had a 5 minute conversation with Hillary and loved every second of it.  She thinks I'm a big fat chicken for not trying to meet "B" after he spoke in the adult session.  My friend, Jo, almost had me talked into going up but I said "I'm not good at that.  I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to say." So, Emma gets to flaunt her pictures and experience in my face.....and I'm pretty jealous.  She was floating on a cloud after meeting them. 

 The three of us stayed in a hotel downtown and had fun walking everywhere we needed to go.  It was so warm and beautiful and full of palm trees.  

 Below is pictures of the event.  How close I got to B is the upper pic on the left.  He is such a dynamic speaker.  He is my idol.  He can take the most complex principles and boil them down into something completely relatable and easy to understand and all while making you smile.  He didn't relate this story to the adults, but Emma told me he told the girls a story about his oldest son.  One day he said "I don't know that I've ever felt the spirit."  B kinda freaked out and locked himself in his office and started writing "how do I know I know."  It actually gave me so much hope because if one of his kids can come to him and say that after living with him - well, I'm ok.  Plus, I bought that book a few months ago to help me with my own kids, so thanks!

 I'm going to get a bit of complaining over with.  The event location and volume of people was a nightmare.  There were 5,000 of us adults and 1,000 girls.  On top of that there were a ton of other events happening at the same time.  We couldn't get lunch because there were just too many people all fighting for the same couple of locations.  Just getting out of the building was like and ant hill.  That picture doesn't even represent the time where there was no floor visible because we were all leaving at the same time.  You just hope and pray that there isn't a problem and a stampede doesn't break out or someone will die.  I vowed again this time to never go back.....I remember having the same conversation after the last time I went. I'm all talk I tell ya!

One of the funny things about this conference was the laziness of writing down notes this year.  Every time someone used the screen to display a quote you saw all the cell phones pop up into the air and snap a picture of it.  I wonder how many of those will actually ever be looked at again.  Probably none....well except for my example picture right here.  

Both days Jo and I got right up close.  I love going with only 1 other person.  Finding 2 seats together is easy peasy but any more than that and it's a nightmare of christmas bargain shopping proportions.  We just played it calm and cool and decided that whatever would be would be.  We were not going to engage in the pushing and shoving to get good seats at a conference that was supposed to be bringing out our Christlike attributes.  We also weren't going to cut in line or just ever so smugly not even acknowledge there was a line and just walk in front of everyone.  Mormons can be crazy!  We made our way to the front and started asking people if their seats were saved and both days we found 2 seats right up front.  It was awesome.  

The best thing about the weekend was getting to spend it with my sister from another mother.  We had a great time together.  That last picture of me with the wide eyes was because Emma kept telling me that I was making weird faces in the camera and that my eyes were too open so I said, "What? Am I doing this?" haha

There were a ton of excellent speakers.  I came away filled with hope because there are other people living even more committed lives than I am.  In fact Elaine S Dalton and Emily Freeman both said something that I have been trying to pay special attention to.  They both said in almost the same words something like this: "when I want to be inspired and guided by the spirit I have to be especially careful.  I have to be mindful of everything I listen to, watch and interactions I have with people so that I don't do anything that offends the spirit."  That was 2 witnesses to add to my own.  I have given up a lot of music and television and I only read spiritual books with an occasional political one.  I'm trying hard not to engage in inappropriate conversations or activities.  It's something that you have to work hard at because it is super easy not to.  It is also something that not a lot of people understand.  They think you are becoming un-relatable or too uptight.  If you read this blog you know this about me, but the causal personal encounter wouldn't know unless they are paying attention.  It's not like I go around telling everyone what I don't do.  I think I am known for my temple attendance and family history work though and hopefully my love for the gospel.  

I may be getting more sappy or it may be a manifestation of the inner turmoil that I have been going through lately, but one speaker actually made me cry.  There were 2 things she said that hit me in the heart.  It was Emily Watts and I love her.  She is so talented and funny and she's another person I look up to.  She talked about learning to embrace the manna plan.  Learning to rely on the Savior every single day.  My physical ailments have had me down again and when I try to imagine my future continuing on this path it overwhelms me.  When I try to look too far into the future of my kids' lives and if I've done enough, it overwhelms me.  When I see the path we are heading towards as a country, it overwhelms me.  So when she said "take today, just do today."  It reminded me to let go.  I can do today and that's all that matters.  The other thing that really touched me in the heart was when she was talking about writing her talk for the conference.  Life got crazy and all she had were pieces of a talk that she couldn't figure out how to pull together.  Finally in desperation and pleading she heard "why don't you just take the pieces.  You bring what you've got and I'll do the rest."  I forget to let the Lord help me sometimes.  I'm so good at being self reliant and doing all that I can that I forget that I can't do it alone.  I want everything to be perfect and that's not what's needed sometimes.  

One last thing that hit me that I already knew.  It's funny how you know something but then a moment of clarity opens up your view and you know that same thing better.  Back to my physical ailments.  I'm now going to also add all my faults that I'm trying and usually failing at fixing.  The trial of life that can sometimes drag us down.  We just need a reframe sometimes.  Clarity.  When Hillary was singing a song I've heard and loved and was touched by many times, this time this phrase hit me personally.  A little personal message.  "The price I paid to see this view."  Like I mentioned it's something that I've known.  I know that we each have to go through our own personal gethsemane. This time, however, I felt it and understood it and I needed the reminder and strength to carry on.

Sometimes life gets really hard.  Raising kids in truth and righteousness is hard work.  Changing your heart is hard work.  Sometimes it feels as if you are doing everything wrong.  Hopefully if you find yourself feeling down you've got someone in your life that can remind you to "stay the course" like my loving husband did for me today.