Fear and Courage

I've been thinking about fear lately.  What is one phrase that can strike fear into the hearts of those pondering the path of a disciple?

..."For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48

 "For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation." D and C 82:3

What do you do when you are afraid to sin against the greater light?  Afraid to be who you were born to be.  Afraid that if you pray to God and He answers you, what will be expected of you.

Those are legitimate fears.  I was once asked the question of which comes first: faith or courage.  I still answer it the same I did on that day.  It takes courage to act in faith.  You could talk yourself in circles.  Many believe, yet few act on what they believe.  You could argue that you won't even get to wanting to act without faith, but I still believe you need courage first.  You've got to step into the dark and unknown.  I think of the father of the boy with palsy that exclaimed "Lord I believe, help thou my unbelief."  We want to believe, yet we're not sure sometimes and in spite of that we still need to act and then the belief is confirmed.

This overcoming of fear reminds me of my conversion.  When I decided to actually pray to God about what path I should take in life.  I wasn't proper in the forming of my inquiry, yet in my heart it was still humble in it's searching nature.  After a failed attempt at trying to contact the missionaries myself, I told God: "If you want me to be a Mormon, you're going to have to send me the missionaries."  I first sought out the solution on my own.  Then I prayed, not really sure that I would get an answer, but I felt at that point I had served due diligence.  Problem was the next night when the missionaries showed up at my door.  What did I do?  Ran to my room.  Flung myself on my bed and pulled the covers over my head.  I hid.  I was scared.  I was panicked.  I felt power that I didn't know how to handle.  The power to talk to God.  The power for him to answer me.  The fear of the commitment I had made to follow through.

This reminds me of someone else.  This time from the Book of Mormon.  The brother of Jared.  Found in Ether Chapter 3

4 And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all power, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy finger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness; and they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have light while we shall cross the sea.

 5 Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which looks small unto the understanding of men.

 6 And it came to pass that when the brother of Jared had said these words, behold, the Lord stretched forth his hand and touched the stones one by one with his finger. And the veil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared, and he saw the finger of the Lord; and it was as the finger of a man, like unto flesh and blood; and the brother of Jared fell down before the Lord, for he was struck with fear.

 7 And the Lord saw that the brother of Jared had fallen to the earth; and the Lord said unto him: Arise, why hast thou fallen?

 8 And he saith unto the Lord: I saw the finger of the Lord, and I feared lest he should smite me; for I knew not that the Lord had flesh and blood.

I don't know what he thought or expected, but he was struck with fear.  I'm not sure why flesh and blood made him think that he would be struck.  Just like I'm not sure why I thought hiding under my covers was actually hiding.

We seem to forget that in the "much required" there is also much given.  Our capacity to deal with the requirements is increased.  We don't have to know all the details.  Just have some courage and step into the dark.  Like the note of encouragement president Hinckley's dad gave to him before leaving on his mission "be not afraid, only believe."

Is it possible to live life without fear?

General George Patton stated, “ If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows not fear, I have never seen a brave man.  All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.  The courageous man is the man who forces himself, in spite of his fear, to carry on.”

A friend of mine, Tom S, recently said the following about courage:

"I believe that real courage comes from believing in what you are doing and why you are doing it.  It is a willingness to sacrifice personal security and comfort for others.  It is a willingness to do the things that other people are unable or unwilling to do.  It comes from faith in the Lord and a desire to be the type of man that he wants you to become.

 Real courage is exemplified in the sacrifice of the Savior as he approached the defining moment in human history in the Garden of Gethsemane…imagine the huge scope of his fear as the sacrifice drew near…”Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me”….but his fear was swallowed up by his courage. His courage was based upon his faith in His Father and his willingness to sacrifice for others as he finished the same sentence “…nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.”

 Courage is the willingness to live for…and even die for…the things we believe in and for those who are in our stewardship.

 I pray to always have that kind of courage."

I would just say, "me too."  I also pray that I can help others find that kind of courage to take an adventure of faith and trust in our Heavenly Father.  Much like the adventure Gandalf wanted Bilbo to embark on:

Gandalf: I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone.

Bilbo: I should think so—in these parts! We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can’t think what anybody sees in them …

Gandalf:  You’ll have a tale or two to tell when you come back

Bilbo:  You can promise that I’ll come back?”

Gandalf:  No. And if you do, you will not be the same

One more quote from Gandalf since we're on the subject.  Once we've embarked on our adventure and seen the hand of the Lord working miracles in our lives, we should not diminish them and make light of them.

"Surely you don’t disbelieve the prophecies just because you helped them come about. You don’t really suppose do you that all your adventures and escapes were managed by mere luck? Just for your sole benefit? You’re a very fine person, Mr. Baggins, and I’m quite fond of you. But you are really just a little fellow, in a wide world after all "– Gandalf

May we all have the courage to replace fear with faith and embark on the wonderful journey of discipleship and rise to our fullest potential as sons and daughters of Heavenly parents so that we may say when we see them again, "I served an honorable mission and I've brought many home with me"  and our Father will say back to us "thou good and faithful servant in whom I am well pleased."

Building

Is it possible to be lazy and clever at the same time?  Well, I'm going to give it a try.  I'm going to connect 3 random events.  How will I do this?  With a bird's nest.  

This little giant bird's nest has been lovingly built on the light fixture over my front door.  The thing is pretty massive.  When I went out to take a picture of it this morning the momma bird was on her way to the nest with another treasure to add to the walls.  Now that I think of it....do the momma birds build the nest?  No idea.  Maybe it's the daddy birds.  Some parental figure is building the nest.  Anyway, I spooked the bird and it flew off and then was getting impatient so it landed on the wall and stared me down with a look like "will you leave already, I need to get this thing out of my mouth and into the nest!"

This parental bird probably takes great care in selecting the items that it wants to use to build a strong sturdy and safe nest for the family.  It needs to be able to protect the family from the elements and prey.  Birds luckily don't have to listen to all sorts of opinions on the proper building materials and styles of nest that are the best.  It gets to live on instinct.  Do whatever it wants to protect it's family and raise up it's little birds however it wants.  Instincts tell the momma bird when it's time to push those little babies out of the nest and then teach them the ways of the world....again with no other birds opinions (or government) chirping in its ear.  Ah to be a bird.  

Well, we humans have to live on more than instinct and most days I haven't a clue what I'm doing.  I'm trying hard to build a strong nest for my children, but I spend a lot of time bouncing between confidence and self doubt when it comes to the materials I'm using to build the nest and then what shape of nest I need to be building.  We have tried and true materials to use.  This is where those seminary answers come in, but there's a lot of room for application and interpretation on the day to day living.  There will be many to offer up their opinions and interpretations but we have to trust ourselves.  We have to trust that we are in tune.  That our nests don't have to look the same.  That we have the perfect set of skills that our kids need and that's why they are ours.  

Our children also need to trust us.  Can you imagine a baby bird telling it's parents that they are building a crappy nest?  Nope, but the world is telling kids that it's ok to tell their parents that they don't know what they are doing and that they should be able to do whatever they want without their parents having a say.  The world is also telling them that mom and dad don't have a right to raise them the way they want because they are old, out of touch, using methods that academia has rejected...you name it, it's a reason they don't have to listen. 

It feels like a battle zone most days.  I guess that bird doesn't have it any easier.  I wonder how many momma's don't make it back to the nest because they've been snatched up by prey or succumb to some other tragic fate.  That's not to mention the fate of those babies left in the nest unattended.  

What is this momma bird building?  Lots of things.  A family.  What brings me great joy is to see my children building relationships with each other.  Emma and Jared got to spend a week in DC with their Dad on a business trip.  While he went to lectures and visited with legislators, they tromped around all the museums.  They thought of their siblings at home and selected items to spend their own money on to bring back for them.  It was super cute.  

 The funniest thing that happened to them while they were walking around was a homeless man wanted to give them a free hat.  Well, Emma is more street wise and knew something was up and kept on walking.  Jared stopped and was like "seriously, a free hat.  Yeah, I want a free hat."  Oh sweet boy.  They guy jumps on it.  Puts one on Jared's head and said "that will be a 10 donation please."  Haha.  Jared started arguing with the guy about his tactics and Emma came back to try and save him but the guy was like, "she needs a hat too.  Buy one for her.  20 bucks."  At this point they just wanted to get away from the guy and gave him 20 bucks and left.  It made the guys day to run into such suckers.....Jared needs to build some street smarts.  Ethan loves the hat btw.  He is wearing one of them in the picture and has worn it to school the last 2 days.  

There are some days as a parent you think you will never have those kind of days with your kids.  The days that they actually like each other and do nice things for each other.  I used to think when moms said "all I want is for my children to get along" it was a load of hooey.  Surely a new purse or car or a trip would be nice.  Really, kids getting along is the best thing in the world you can think of?  Well, I'm here to tell you that yes.  Yes it is!

Ok, let's build one more thing.  Lets build a relationship with the Holy Ghost.  You could also look at it as building a testimony.  Building a habit.  I could go all day here... hahaha

My favorite by-annual event is coming up next week.  General conference.  We wanted to do something for the kids to get them ready for general conference and encourage them to seek after revelation.  

 We had already given them spiral bound journals at the beginning of the year so we decided to make some tabs (thanks internet) for them to add to them.  There were also some cutsie quotes that I found on the internet as well.  We encouraged them to write down a question and to prepare themselves to receive instruction.  On Tuesday after conference we have an entire class dedicated to talking about our favorite talks and what we learned. We are also hoping that the journals make it back to class to be used for the rest of the year (their journals and scriptures stay at my house until the end of the year)....fingers crossed.  

The above is my personal journal.  I don't have enough room in my 8 1/2 x11 seminary lesson journal.  I used the small size the students have.  I made up a quick cover for it with a scripture mastery verse from section 1

 37 Search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and the prophecies and promises which are in them shall all be fulfilled.

 38 What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

We also gave the kids some blank tabs to use however they wish.  I made a tabs for personal/family to do, seminary to do, women's meeting, priesthood session ( it usually is my favorite session because the talks are always the bomb), presiding bishopric, presidency of the seventy, and then I just broke the rest down by auxiliary.  I figure this way might actually help me to remember who exactly these people are that aren't apostles.  

It's been a long time since I've taken hand written notes.  I converted to electronic note taking years ago and love it because you always have everything with you at all times.  I am now limited to only accessing the information when I am somewhere my book is.  What I have noticed since I've started teaching seminary is that I prefer hand writing more.  I went back to handwriting all my lessons and then using the same notebook to take notes pertaining to seminary.  I find that I can receive better inspiration with everything visually in front of me.  I can also easily flip through and be reminded of things I haven't done yet or inspiration I've yet to act on.  

I spent a lot of time this year referring to conference talks with my lessons.  It's been pretty remarkable.  Being able to do that came at a high cost.  That meant that I listened to every session of conference live and took notes.  Then I listened to every talk when it became avail on the app.  Then I've read and marked a hard copy of the talks that I keep with my lesson manual ( I also highlighted every time someone referenced the D and C).  I've also marked the talks on my device because that's what I use while at church.  I love being able to connect the dots.  To connect living words of the prophets to the scriptures (or dead words). That has been one of the biggest testimony expanders that I've had.  Doing that has given me very sturdy walls and a sure foundation for my nest.  

I'm excited to have a dedicated journal for conference that I can have out to flip easily through while preparing lessons.  It means that the stack of stuff that I carry around just got bigger, but oh well.  It's a small price to pay when you hare helping others to build something great.  

Ethan's Advancement

Apparently it's been awhile since our troop has had a court of honor because Ethan received 3 rank advancements Sunday night.  He received his tenderfoot, 2nd class, and 1st class.  We went up separately for all 3 of the advancements for me to receive my mother's pin.  Nate was out of town and so were the 2 oldest, so Jordyn was the only one left to be on camera duty.  She wasn't happy about it because she didn't want to walk up to the front to take the pictures.  Sometimes she is so shy and other times she is wild woman.  You just never know who is going to show up.  Ethan was  getting really frustrated with her because he wanted every rank captured on film ( i guess that is an outdated term) despite the fact that you can't tell the difference between each of the 3 times.  At one point I had to leave my position in front to go and talk Jordyn into coming closer so that her brother didn't lose his mind.  The leaders had each of the boys escort their mothers to and from the front and it was super cute.  My little man is growing up.  

Strength

I borrowed a picture from my brother Brandon.  This is what he does for fun on his lunch breaks.  Crazy if you  ask me.  I look at this picture and realize that I will never posses that kind of strength -even though we share the same genes.  I have been dealt a set of cards that prevents me from even entertaining the idea.  It's not gonna happen, and that's ok.  However, there is another kind of strength that I absolutely can acquire. 

I sent this picture to a friend and my husband today to go along with a talk that I listened to called "The Natural Law of Blessings" by R Kent Crookston.   I sent it because we've been talking about being prepared for things that we believe are coming soon.  I am focusing most of my energies on spiritual preparedness while waiting for further light and knowledge regarding any further temporal preparedness- because we've got temporal down.  

What do I think I'm going to need in my bug out bag more than anything else (assuming you've got the basics down)?  It is what Crookston talked about starting right here:

"I am going to focus the rest of my talk on one incredible conditional blessing laid forth by the Lord in section 84 of the Doctrine and Covenants known as the oath and covenant of the priesthood. This is the key to my message. I invite you to invest your attention.

And also all they who receive this priesthood receive me, saith the Lord;

For he that receiveth my servants receiveth me;

And he that receiveth me receiveth my Father;

And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father’s kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him.

And this is according to the oath and covenant which belongeth to the priesthood.

Therefore, all those who receive the priesthood, receive this oath and covenant of my Father, which he cannot break, neither can it be moved. [D&C 84:35–40]

Did you notice it? Did you catch the simple qualification that we need to meet in order to receive the blessing of the Father’s kingdom and all that the Father has? It’s in there, and it is powerful in its simplicity. Sisters, I am completely confident that it is there for you to observe and fully receive as well as the brethren.

Let’s go over it again: “And also all they who receive this priesthood receive me, saith the Lord.”

And how do we “receive” the Lord? He tells us in the next phrase: “For he that receiveth my servants receiveth me.”

There it is. That is the qualification. Receive the Lord’s servants. If we receive the Lord’s servants, we receive the Lord. And if we receive the Lord, we receive the Father. And when we receive the Father, we receive the Father’s kingdom and all that the Father has."

We are going to need an abundance of spiritual strength to make it through the turmoil that is headed our way.  It is going to be things like our ability to "receive the priesthood" that will try the most faithful among us.  He gives 5 excellent examples of what this receiving looks like.  It will be hard.  It will try our faith.  It will separate the wheat from the tares.  Just like my brother couldn't just one day decided to pick up a large man and then climb up and down a tire, we can't just one day be spiritually strong.  We've got to condition ourselves.  We are probably going to incur some injuries along the way, but we've got to build up our strength.  We've got to be able to carry others who aren't as strong when they feel like giving up.  We need to not be the ones handing out twinkies or encouraging laziness.  How many times have I been guilty of this?  Commiserating or instigating the negative speech regarding a person whom I've sustained to a calling in the priesthood?

 I think of the pioneers on the trail and those who carried others across rivers or who helped pull carts or carried children, gave their portion of rations to someone else,  cheered someone up, or kept the fire of faith burning strong when others faltered.   You can't do those things if you aren't first strong yourself.  

Neil L Anderson said "now is the time to adjust your own spiritual oxygen mask so that you are prepared to help others who are seeking truth."  I would add; or to those who have decided to sit down and give up along the trail or who aren't strong enough to continue.  

I also just finished reading a book called "Leaders Eat Last..." by Simon Sinek (now I'm reading "Start with Why..., also by him) where he talks about the fact that there are lots of leaders in the world - meaning there are lots of people who are put in positions of authority over people.  Then there are the people who lead - which is a much smaller amount of people.  Those who lead inspire others because of why they believe what they do.  The church is full of leaders -people put in positions of authority that have no ability to lead others, and it can try our faith.  The sooner we learn that God's ways are not man's ways and that there is a purpose and a plan for everything, the happier we will be.  This was one of the major problems the early saints had......it's still a problem....it's going to become an even bigger problem as the 2nd coming gets closer.  

So, the question is - what are my areas of weakness?  Is receiving the priesthood one of my weak areas?  What do I need to be doing to strengthen my spirit?  Then, after I've "got my own spiritual mask on" who could benefit from a strengthening session? Does this mean we've got to wait until we are perfect before we can help someone?  How gloomy of a thought that is. We'd never be accountable to do anything if that were the requirement.  Just make sure you  "seek to obtain My word" before you declare it  (D and C 11:21) and then what you will find - like I have- that in the declaring it, you add more strength to yourself.  

btw.  I hope there is someone as strong as my brother that can pick me up and carry me when I start to falter....oh wait.....that's right......there is......he's everyones elder brother......he's even stronger.....he's Jesus Christ, who gave us His enabling power through the atonement.  We also know that it is usually through each other that Heavenly Father works miracles, so again, I hope my brother Brandon is around to help me out with any actual heavy lifting.  

Flecks of Gold

There was a great video attached to one of my seminary lessons about flecks of gold.  In short, there was a man panning for gold who was frustrated that he wasn't finding big hunks of it.  Another man told him to check all the small flecks he had gathered and notice how much it added up to.  It wasn't a video I ended up using, but it was something that I couldn't get off my mind.  I told my partner about it and what I was thinking about doing and we decided to present it to the kids.  I'll explain more later, but first let me start here:

We are nearing the end of the school year and so my partner and I have been making the rounds to each of the families of our students.  We started the year with a visit and we are ending the year with a visit.  We went over our vision scripture again with them along with some other things.  The scripture is found in section 18 of the Doctrine and Covenants:

34 These words are not of men nor of man, but of me; wherefore, you shall testify they are of me and not of man;

 35 For it is my voice which speaketh them unto you; for they are given by my Spirit unto you, and by my power you can read them one to another; and save it were by my power you could not have them;

 36 Wherefore, you can testify that you have heard my voice, and know my words.

We wanted to evaluate how we did.  Could the kids say that they had heard the voice of the Lord?  We have realized that is the hardest part about teaching.  It's not something you can do for someone else.  What we could do was start documenting the small miracles (flecks of gold).  We could get the kids started by reminding them of some of our personal experiences and encourage them to look for their own.  I also started praying to help point them out in their lives- if I knew about any - luckily some were brought to my mind that I was able to remind a couple of the students of.  

Instead of putting gold puff balls in a jar or just taping gold pieces of paper to the wall, I felt it was important that we wrote key words that would help remind us of the stories of faith/miracles/voice of the Lord.  We like to forget things very quickly and for the power to be there we needed to remember.    To know that we didn't just throw a bunch of balls into a jar that we could later convince our selves didn't mean anything.  

We started on Monday and we've got 12 flecks so far.

What kind of things made the list?  I'll tell you about 3.  Two from my partner and one from me.  I'll start with my partner.

1st fleck.  The Jehovah Witnesses love our neighborhood.  They have a building very near us.  They really need to widen their tracking circle, but who am I to council them.  Instead I usually just give them the look like, "really, again so soon?"  My partner usually isn't very nice to them either, but on this day last week she decided to be nice and have a conversation.  They were having a very pleasant conversation and then the person started talking about Satan.  She was explaining that this was his world and that's why it's so evil etc.  Her proof was when Satan was tempting Christ by telling him that he would give him this world.  My partner was like "oh wait a min..."  She got really nervous because she never has command of her brain when she needs it and forgets everything she ever knew in situations like this.  She said a quick prayer that she would be able to testify of truth.  She instantly knew what to say about satan being the father of all lies and left the person confounded.  She was so excited that the blessing of having your mouth filled when you need it was realized.  Prayer answered.

2nd fleck.  My partner received a phone call from someone that left her hurt and upset.  Her garage door had broken earlier in the day and she now needed to get her car out of the garage.  Her middle school aged daughter would be home from school soon but she didn't think she could handle holding the weight of the door long enough to get her car out.  She thought about calling me, but didn't because she was too upset about the phone call.  Instead she decided to walk to the mailbox to mail something.  She needed time to cool off so she walked to the farther mailbox.  I was driving home from an appointment when I saw her walking.  Usually I would just wave and drive by.  Maybe roll down the window and call out, but still keep driving.  For whatever (that just means I didn't know why at the time) reason I decided to pull over to say hi.  She then asked if I would take her home and hold her garage door open for her.   Prayer answered. 

3rd fleck.  In my non blogging life it's no secret that I'm a prepper.  Probably in my blogging life it's easy to tell as well, although I don't talk about it much.  I haven't talked about politics much and I haven't talked about how I think we are headed for a total financial crisis and WWIII.  I've done a lot of temporal preparedness, but I have switched to spiritual preparedness.  It's the only thing that is going to save us.  I have a friend that also feels the same.  We were talking about possible scenarios for the end of the world as we know it and the second coming.  One of the major problems I think we are going to face in the last days is being deceived (pride and hatred are going to be pretty huge as well).  I firmly believe that we have the Doctrine and Covenants for a reason and contained within it's revelations to the saints is vital information for us to learn.  What happens when we don't follow the council and commandments we are given.  What happens when we are prideful.  What happens when we don't sustain our leaders.  What happens if we aren't unified.  Can't forgive.  It is warning after warning.  It is also full of promises, blessings, and second chances.  What I believe is headed our way is going to be tough and try the most faithful among us.  After a particular conversation and some advise that I gave I began to wonder about my own ability to keep from being deceived.  I was trying to remember what section talked about who can receive revelation for the church and how not to be deceived, but I didn't investigate.  The next morning I worked at the temple and as part of that shift I got to sit in the celestial room for 30 minutes of uninterrupted pondering.  There were some brand spankin new scriptures sitting on a table that I decided to let fall open wherever they wanted.  The problem was that they were new and stiff so falling open wasn't an option.  I had to play with the pages and try to get them to flop open.  What was the first place that they fell open to?  Section 43 of the D and C (I won't go into that section because keeping it a mystery for investigation is more fun).  What makes this remarkable to me is that I could have gone and looked up that section myself.  It would have given me some confidence, but anytime you get in a debate with someone you both can pull out any number of scriptures to support your belief.  I had prayed that very morning about being deceived and then when I let the scriptures fall open wherever they wanted....that's where they landed.  That is hearing the voice of the Lord.  That is direct communication.  When I tried to get them to fall open after that it was always to the break between the BOM and D and C or the index.  The way it happened had far more meaning to me than had I have went and found it on my own.  It was a miracle.  A fleck of gold.  Prayer answered.

It is no small coincidence to me that there was much talk last conference about prophets and revelation -btw- do I need to say how excited I am for the upcoming conference?  I think a lot about that CES fireside by Elder Holland and one thing specifically that he said about having un-compromised confidence in God, in ourselves and in our students.  Not sure if he said that or I heard that, but I think about that a lot.  What that means, what it looks like and what I need to be doing.

I have no idea how the events of the next few years are going to play out.  All I do know is that our hearts better be ready.  We are going to face challenges that we cannot even fathom.  We better have a hard focus on the front site (are we in-line with The Savior and the prophets). Whatever happens is going to happen and the specifics don't matter because they are a means to an end.  What end?  Each of our mortal ends.  Where we end up when we are done with this mortal experience.  This life is our time to prepare to meet God.  We might be meeting him sooner than we are prepared for -whether the world ends tomorrow or if we get hit by a car tomorrow.  The time for procrastination is over.  I believe the sifting of the wheat and the tares has already begun.  We have to have our eyes trained to see the signs of His coming by recognizing the small miracles (flecks of gold) because if we don't, we won't be able to see the big biblical miracles and prophecies being fulfilled (big hunks of gold).  All those small fleck add up to un-compromised faith in God, in ourselves, and in those around us- because once we are converted it is our obligation to strengthen those around us.

 32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren. ~ Luke 22

Transformations

There have been lots of little things going on that were not blog worthy, but put them all together and you've got documentation of life events!

What became of my old car that I didn't want to give up?

Our marketing person got her hot little hands on the car and went to town.  She is tickled pink to be driving this thing around town.  She did all the vinyl work herself and she doesn't care that the brakes make noise- for which nothing can be done.  It's nice that I still have visitation rights to see Snow - named for snow white because it carried around 7 dwarfs....we had to count Watson to get us to 7.  

Did I ever get the Pez display case hung on the wall?

After sitting in the hallway forever, I finally gave up on Jared putting the pez in the case.  He was too overwhelmed by the process.  I threw them all in the case and was certain that I would have put characters next to each other that didn't belong, but he still didn't care.  He did move a couple of them around, but not many.  The only solution I could come up with to get them to stay put while hanging it on the wall was to hot glue them down.  Jared wasn't excited about that because he didn't want them ruined.  I did a test run on some duplicates to see how easy it was to remove them from the shelf and then remove the glue from the bottom of the dispenser.  It wasn't bad and we decided to go for it.  The only trouble we ran into was the very bottom shelf.  The texture was too smooth and the glue wouldn't adhere.  I ended up roughing up the surface with sandpaper and then they stayed down.  Our only problem now is that he has 5 new dispensers and nowhere to put them.  

Next up was Ethan's show choir concert.  Sadly I have no pictures of the kids, but I do have video.  I snapped a picture of their prop to make Jared jealous for not attending....it didn't work.  The poor windows on this call box would not stay on.  Despite the prop malfunction, they did a really great job.  I asked Ethan after if he had fun because he looked lost most of the time.  The choir director got a choreographer for the first time ever so there were lots and lots of dance moves.  They sang around 5 songs and each of them had lots of moves so there was a lot to remember.  He thought it went great and didn't feel like he was lost. He is usually a cheese ball and really turns on the charm and he just didn't look like he was into it.  When he watched the 2 videos I took later on that evening he said "you're right, I did look lost."  He was still a cutie patootie.  

 Jordyn got her braces off on Wed and spent the rest of her day not knowing what to do with her lips.  It was hard to watch her talk because she was going crazy with the lips.  It was hilarious.  She's got a couple of years with smooth teeth before she's got to get them put on again.  She had me take this picture so she could send it to daddy.

Our last transformation was little activity day girls into actresses.  They acted out stories from the BOM.  

We had Lehi and the tree of life.  Loved the pears and their iron rod.  Nephi was the only one to come and taste the fruit his father told him about and the other 2 brothers were like "nah, we're good."

Jordyn's group was top right.  They were acting out Ammon- one of the all time best stories.  I love how committed and focused Ammon was and Jordyn did a great job of playing him.  The girls wrote the scripts themselves.  You could totally tell that Jordyn was my kid because part of their script was quoting scriptures.  What was killing me with cuteness was that they recruited Watson for the role of a sheep.  The entire thing was adorable, especially when she whipped out her sword and starting cutting arms off. 

Bottom left was Nephi going back to get the gold plates from Laban....there was even simulation of drunkeness....which ended up being drinking gatorade from a bottle and then throwing herself over a table in supine position ready to have her head chopped off.  

Bottom right was wicked king Noah and his beloved cheetah....Hilarious.  The throne was over the top awesome.  There was one moment that was especially delightful.  When completely exasperated she huffed out "hey servant! Come oooooon!  Are you going to come get this man and burn him or do I have to do everything myself!"  Now does that sound like something a mom would say or what?  It's always a little frightening what experiences our kids use for inspiration for things like this.  I teased the girls mom that it was surely her that I was hearing through her daughters voice.....if I had a nickel for every time I asked if I have to do everything myself....  

My favorite part of the skit night was that after each skit the girls were asked questions about how that story can apply to their lives.  They gave better examples than I get out of seminary kids at 6am.  

Your Ultimate Nerdy Friend In the Gospel

Thursday while I was out on a walk with the fabulous Watson, I was listening to a speech.   I have mentioned before my addiction to BYU speeches.  I got sick of listening to the radio in the car and on walks so I often listen to talks.  I also listen to conference talks and the Ensign.....and yes I still do rock out to music too.   I don't always have time to read, but I do always have time to listen.  As I was listening to a talk by Stephen R Covey called "An Educated Conscience."  I was thinking that I would love to share this talk (actually lots of talks) with someone.  I love being able to discuss topics with people.  It's a good exercise for my brain and it also helps me understand things better and gain a firmer testimony of spiritual truths.  I was thinking that I would love this person to send talks to me as well.  Sometimes it's hard to find something with so many good choices out there.  I wasn't sure who was as nerdy as I am that would be willing to be even extra nerdy.

It's not like I haven't shared talks with people or received some.  My visiting teachers and I share talks and religious books with each other and have great conversations.    This was more of a this talk is so good, who else could benefit from it?  In return I wanted someone to find a talk and think of me.   This isn't a "who do I know that needs to work on this" kinda thing.  Just someone to hash it out with.  Break it down, pull out the goodness, digest it and then apply it.  

When I sat down to lunch later in the day I decided to go through my email.  What did I find sitting there since 8:24 that morning?  An email from a friend saying that she had just listened to an amazing talk.  She said: "If you ever need a good talk on the atonement, this one is amazing....just thought I'd share with my nerdy friend....who I love. :-)"

Talk about a coincidence.  Was that a tender mercy?  Was that just cool or what?  This friend and I are both on a similar path.  We've become super nerdy and spend our time trying to figure this mortal experience out.  The really cool thing is that we don't think that the other is crazy because we having similar experiences and struggles.

My reply to her was "I'll see your talk and raise you 2."  So.  How do you join this super nerdy club?  Start listening to or reading some talks.  Then share them with someone.  Make sure you are getting your daily scripture reading in first though.  Talks are not a replacement for scriptures.  BTW did you know you can listen to those too?

The talk my friend sent me was "The redeeming & strengthening power of the atonement" by Bruce C and Marie K Hafen.  Seriously so good.  That will cause some deep introspection if you let it.  I've actually already had the opportunity to share bits of it while on a visit and some points will most likely make it into my seminary lesson in the morning -which is the liberty jail sections of the Doctrine and Covenants.  Joseph definitely knows a thing or two or three about severe mercy.

The other 2 talks in addition to the one I was listening to Thursday morning were:

"Revelation" by Dallin H Oaks  This one got me thinking about my students and thoughts I've had about revelation.  He had great examples of the different kinds of revelation.  It was actually after listening to this talk that I had the light of understanding hit me regarding the true nature of my son.  It was when I realized I had seen who he was when instincts kicked in and he had no time to think about who he was.

"True Doctrine Understood Changes Attitudes and...." by Todd B Parker  This one I actually did share with another friend.  When he gets to the part about all things testifying of Christ it was powerful.  The entire talk was good and it got me thinking about some things.  Mostly of what I understand, how I teach and how to testify and some things I needed to do.

So there you have it.  The way to become an ultimate nerd.  I would put the links in, but anything worth having is worth sacrificing for.  I say nerd because it sounds less intense than saying it's a path toward true discipleship and becoming godlike.  There's a lot of work involved in getting the heart changed.  It truly takes a serious amount of "educating your conscience" and then acting on what you know while utilizing the enabling power of Jesus Christ (which everything testifies of) - who sometimes blesses us with severe mercy, so that you can receive that revelation you so desperately need to make it back into the presence of our Eternal Father in Heaven.  I have to say.  It's a pretty awesome journey that will have you seeing things as you never have before.

Beast 2.0

The new car Nate ordered me finally came in.  While I was transferring all the objects from my old vehicle to the new one I found a long wrench that I wasn't sure what went to it.  I decided that I should put in the exact place of the new car that it was in the old car (it's exactly the same vehicle, just newer)  After I finished transferring everything I decided that I should program the garage door opener, but I realized that the only way to do that was with the remote control that was in my daughters car- which was at school.  It was a chilly 28 degrees Thursday morning, but I still thought it a fine time to try and figure out how to move the crossbars for the luggage rack.  I realized that I needed that super cool looking wrench that I had found to remove them.  At this point my fingers were frozen solid and I had no way to remove the clips from the rails.  I knew there was a way that probably involved looking like a was breaking my car so I did the only logical thing.  Look for a video on the internet.  Seriously, how did we ever live without all these how to videos?  Sure enough, I found a video with my specific vehicle and rack.  Only problem?  The guy making the video was seriously long winded and took forever to get the the stinking point.  Seriously dude!  No one cares why you need a luggage rack.  We obviously know why and that's why we need to put the crossbars on!  Sheesh!  Luckily there is a fast forward button and I watched 30 seconds of a 10 min video.  

I kept track of all my pieces and made sure that I could put them on the new car correctly.  It was easy peasy.  All I needed to know from the video was that I should, in fact, rip off a part of the side railing to release the clips and......boom!  I'm the master of my universe!  Because my fingers were so cold I didn't escape without injury.  That little piece is a feisty one to remove and I lost some skin on my left index finger as a result.  Minor flesh wound for a job well done.  

Needless to say, my husband was super glad that he had one less thing to do. So super grateful for all the many people out there with the burning desire to make how to videos.  Some of them could up their game a bit, but they are still very helpful and I didn't have to damage my car trying to figure it out myself.....or heaven forbid wait for my husband to get home and ask him (since he put them on the 1st time).

Gracias

I recently wrote about a service project my seminary class did where we sent care packages to all the missionaries that our out from our ward.  Well, we started receiving letters back from the recipients.  

The first letter we got back was from one of my favorite sister missionaries of all time who is serving in CA.  She said something in her letter that the class got a huge kick out of.  I sent along a cheesy little description for the purposes of each little item we sent.  Well, 2 of the items seemed to be very timely.  What were they?  The band-aides and the notebook.  If you will remember I said:

Band-aids- you will probably incur an injuring when running from the killer dog

Note book- to write reminders about streets with killer dogs or to remind yourself to bring your lint roller to a particular house of a cat lover

Here's what she wrote back to us:

"I think my favorite thing is the band-aids :) One of my companions was bit by a dog (just a little chihuahua) and it made me laugh what you wrote about why there's bandaids and a little notebook :) So cute."  

How funny and inspired is that?  Yes inspired.  Everything is a miracle.  Even sending band-aids for the funny reason we did.  I love it!  I also love that she responded so quickly to us.  The class loved hearing from her and knowing that the gesture "made my whole week."  It feels good to know you made someone feel good.  

Next up was our package to Guatemala.  We were afraid that since we forgot to cover it in Jesus stickers it wouldn't arrive.  Miracle of miracles it did!  I love technology and I love these missionaries.  They whipped out the camera and documented every moment of their surprise.  Couple missionaries have a bit more technological freedom than the youngins.  

We had the kids write questions to the missionaries.  Their response to adversity in their mission:

"Adversity?....OH YEAH! Missionaries have been held up and shot at, spit upon...BUT THE WORK GOES ON!" 

Yowza, that's pretty scary!  It's no small sacrifice to serve the Lord and do it joyfully.  We are so grateful for their example of replacing fear with faith.  They are just 2 of the many we are so blessed to look up to for examples of arising and shining forth.  

How could I not talk about one of the missionaries serving in our ward.  Talk about a small world.  He is from Pasco Washington where we have family (he's the one in the forefront).  He knows very well my sister-in-laws sister and her family who live there.  He was best friends with their daughter.  He spent many hours at the house we visited when we were in town for a family reunion with our family.  He also worked on the farms out there just like my husband did when he was a kid living there.  He went home this week and we wish this awesome missionary all the best.  I love when missionaries want to come and say goodbye before they leave.  We will miss you Elder :)  

I can't believe we all made it into the selfie - which I was told was not a selfie, but a groupie.  In my day groupie meant something else.  Whatever.  I'm just impressed that we all fit.....well Watson is barely in it, but he's there and Nate was still at work.  

We are still waiting to hear back from the Philippines and South Africa.  Fingers crossed our items made it there.  

Feeling the Love

I seem to be having a hard time getting around to writing posts lately.  I've spend a good portion of my time helping a friend paint their house, so I guess I've been busy.  Something really cool happened on Saturday the 21st.  Elder Holland came to speak with the missionaries, Bishops and Elders Quarum presidents.  My husband was scheduled and had paid for a buisness conference and was having a hard time deciding what to do about the conflict.  I thought it was easy to resolve and I counciled him, that for me, it was a matter of priorities.  If he wasn't going to attend I was willing to shave my head and put on his suit so that I could go as him.  That's how bad I wanted to attend.  

What do you do when you would give anything to just be in a room with someone of that spiritual magnitude?   I would be happy just sharpening pencils and shining the shoes of Elder Holland just to be able to stand in his shadow and see what he sees and know what he knows.  An opportunity to observe greatness with the hope that some of it wold rub off on me.   I think of the story in the New Testiment of the woman who touched the garment of the Savoior.  Knowing that if she could only just touch his garment she would be healed.  That's the way I feel about the prophets and apostles.  

I knew there was a good chance that my husband was going to be able to shake Elder Hollands hand and asked him to please save it for me.  I wanted to be able to vicariosly shake his hand via my husbands and maybe, just maybe, some of the risidual spiritualness would be enough to transfer into my hand.  

What did my wonderful husband do for me?  At the end of the amazing and inspiring conference he got to shake Elder Hollans's hand.  He said the only problem was there were 2 other hands to shake after his and he thought for a moment about not shaking their hands, but then he decided that would be rude.  After he shook the men's hands he went to his car and put a glove on to preserve the handshake for me.  Seriously, how cute is that?  I love that man!

How lucky am I to have a husband who indulges me in my crazyness.  He was just as excited to be able to share the experience with me.  Elder Holland even talked of the problems Peter had with people following him everywhere just to be able to stand in his shadow.  Hmm.  Sounds familiar.  I think I would have been among them.  

I even had a back-up plan.  I had 2 friends that were providing security (probably to protect him from people like me).  I knew their chances for a handshake were greater than Nate's and I was serious about getting my second hand shake. I promised to be a good girl and not do anything to get myself tased.  How embarrising would that have been?  Hahaha

Another moment of pure love came when talking to my son about doing things we don't want to do. He got invited to an event for all Eagle scouts in the area (essentially a fundraiser) He had to sit at a table with a bunch of strangers and stare at his sad excuse for a lunch that was served- while starving.

They charged 35 bucks for salad, a roll and coffee or tea (his meal was free, but we had to pay for Nate's). They didn't even have water. How crazy is that? You had to ask for water if you didn't want the tea or coffee, and he was too full of anxiety to pull that off. He said that he blacked out while sitting there. We have lots of opportunities to talk about overcoming anxiety and surviving situations that make us want to stab our eyes out....because life is full of those moments.

What I wish I had for my next story of love is a picture of both my boys in their suits. Ethan has been passing the sacrament and last week was Jared's first time up on the stand to bless it. He was the guy in the middle so he didn't say the prayer but he got up there after he said that he wouldn't. He thinks he is going to pass out if he has to say the prayer. I'm in Tampa (I'm home now and still can't get this thing written) and so I am anxious to hear if he blesses it while I'm not even there (he didn't go to church) -which will kill me. Here's the heart warming thing about my son - who claims to have no feelings:

Ethan's first time passing the sacrament he was nervous.  I saw him sitting with all the boys with a look on his face that let me know he was about to start crying. The kid likes everything laid out for him. He's a rule follower and wants to be sure he knows what he is doing so he doesn't look like a fool. He wants someone to show him how. Well, you often don't get that in the church. You just get thrown in. His confidence about where he was supposed to go to deliver the sacrament was waning. I turned to Jared and told him that Ethan looked like he was about to lose it. That's all I said. The next thing I know, Jared has gotten up from his seat and gone over to where the Aaronic priesthood boys were sitting. He says something and one of the boys gets up and leaves and Jared sits down next to his brother. I see a laminated card come out and they begin to discuss Ethan's assignment. Ethan was relieved and they both passed the sacrament.  It was seriously one of the most tender hearted moments I have witnessed as a mother observing her children.

Two weeks later when Jared took his place on the stand to bless the sacrament, I again saw him step into the leadership role. He had never been in that position before yet he took control and I could see him directing everyone to what they were supposed to be doing. He is as funny and riduculous about his abilities as I am. He would much rather follow someone who knows what they are doing and feels safe in the structure of rules to follow.  As I'm typing this I realize how bipolar he is about rules and following them.  Anyway,  in the absence of direction he doesn't think twice about being the one to step up and make it look like he knows exactly what he's doing and it was the plan the whole time for him to be leading.  He's running from his talents and what is required of him because he's been given them. I just had an insight into my child as I was writing about this.  What is most promising to me is when he is faced with such situations where he doesn't have time to think about who he is or what he believes, he is full of faith, leadership, kindness, and compassion.  It's the person who I've been trying so hard to get him to be.  Now I just need to help him see who he already is.  There are people who wear the perfect mask.  They are kind and faithful and perfect, but when the rubber hits the road and they are tested or not given enough time to react, the real person comes out and it's quite ugly.  Maybe we spend more time worrying about the ones who appear to be struggling but really should spend more time on the ones that don't?  

I wish I could say that I was feeling the love for Tampa, but I cannot.  It was cold, cloudy, and raining the entire time I was there.  What's worse is that we got our best snow storm at home while I was gone and I missed the whole thing.  There was no snow left when we got home.  Our staff that stayed at the conference 2 extra days told us that literally while our plane was lifting off the runway the sun came out and they went to the beach.  Seriously?  Only in NM could I get off a plane from FL in sandals (which I didn't even need) to 65 degree sunny weather and stand next to a pile of plowed snow- I know, where's that picture? My picture documentation is on the decline....better amp that back up :0)