Today has been one of the crazier days of my life. Everyone seemed to have disasters. It all started this morning with finding out that my friend awoke to no water in her house while her husband is out of town.
While I was on the phone with my SIL, who is moving to Saudi Arabia, I received another call that I couldn't answer. OK, let's just stop right there. Good gracious, that's one heck of a crazy move, but if anyone can pull it off, she can. It will be her, her husband (Nate's brother) and their youngest (who is 13).
Later in the day my BIL had his car break down and we had to help with that situation and we've been picking up items from people for our scout fundraising garage sale.
When I called back the person who had called, I was not expecting the news she was about to deliver. Really, are we ever expecting unexpected news? It's just so weird how your world can change in a matter of moments.
My dear sweet beloved friend Carmen passed away. It was one of those moments where I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was surely a different Carmen that I didn't care about. Was it completely unexpected? Well, yes and no. I'm not sure how old she was. It's not something that I really think about, but when someone gets older I usually start making a mental note that this might be the last time I see them, because you never know.
I met her when we moved to Rio Rancho. She was the kind of lady that called you "sweetie" and "darlin" and would give the biggest warmest hug and kiss me on the cheek every time I saw her. She was a ward missionary when I was in the RS presidency so I went on visits with her and had dinner in her home with people we were fellowshipping.
Our ward split and we were no longer in a ward together. The only time I got to see her was when I was either a patron at the temple or working as a volunteer there. Her and her husband would work for 1 week straight 2 times a month. I am at the temple a lot so I was always running into her.....and I would always get a "hi sweetie" followed by a hug and a kiss. She would ask about my family and we would have a nice visit.
The last time ever I saw her face and felt the warmth of her embrace was, I think, on the 12th. I know it was on a Thursday when I was working and she wasn't. She had brought her friend with her to go on a session. I was coming down the stairs and saw her looking frazzled at the check-in desk. It was 2:55pm and she was trying to get on the 3pm session. She had run into problems getting there and then she left her recommend in the car. I went back up the stairs to see if they could hold the session for her and her friend, but they couldn't. I went back down and delivered the bad news. There is nothing worse than busting your buns to make it to the temple and being thwarted at every turn.
It was the end of my shift so I went and changed my clothes. When I walked outside she was just loading her friend back into the car. I got my hug and kiss and shared her sadness over missing the session and went about my day. That was the last time I saw my sweet friend.
I am pretty heart sick. Not because she has died. I am actually pretty jealous. She got to go home. There is no better place to be. I can imagine the reception she got. There was a celebration over her honorable mission here on earth, I just know it. What makes my heart sick is my own selfishness that I won't get to have my day made better by seeing her. I won't get to feel like the loveliest person in the world because I know she thinks that I am. I won't get a warm embrace full of love. It's gonna be hard going to the temple and not seeing her there anymore. Her poor husband. He will be lost without her. I'm sure all of her friends and family felt as loved as I did and will miss her greatly.
As always, I was fine while the news was being delivered to me. I got a little teared up after I got off the phone and made some calls to see how I could help with the funeral. When did the flood gates open? When I had to open my mouth and tell my husband. When I told him that I was heart broken for myself because there was one less person in the world who loved me.
The way I can honor and cherish her is by being as lovely and loving as she was. She always saw the best in people. She was always serving someone. Even that last day I saw her she was trying to make sure her friend could go to the temple. I can make someone else feel the way she made me feel. I can serve with all of my heart like she did. I can make a valiant effort to be more like her.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Growing
Truth be told, I have been meaning to write about some thoughts and feelings I've had about being called to be a seminary teacher, but life keeps getting in the way. Insecurity gets in the way as well. I doubt myself all the time when I write stuff here. Will it be taken the way I intended? Do people think that I am full of myself? Do I share too much and I'm making light of sacred things? Does what I say have any value? All that stuff gets in my way sometimes.
Other things that get in my way. Stuff that is happening in the world. Right now, believe me when I say, It's all been said. My opinion doesn't need to be added to this mess. Without going into detail, there are 4 main issues that are tearing our families apart.
1. Are you owed anything? How does charity and personal responsibility co-exist?
2. "love is love" Is marriage between a man and a woman and does the government get to decide? How does this effect membership within the church?
3. Should woman who feel they are being treated unfairly by not being able to hold the priesthood get to actively demonstrate and proselyte contrary to church doctrine and not get excommunicated?
4. Should we care about the thousands of illegal children who are in shelters on the boarder? Should they be left in those conditions because their parents broke the law? How do we reconcile law with compassion?
All these things weigh heavily on my mind and I am the least qualified person to comment on any of them....beside, it's all been said. What I do is focus on is my growth as a disciple of Jesus Christ and hope that anything that you want to take away as applicable to what is happening will help you reconcile those same questions I struggle with.
The last couple of days I have been praying fervently for wisdom, compassion and true knowledge. Eyes that see and ears that hear. How to love while not condoning actions. I had no idea when just before the reelection of our current president when I was feeling a big test coming on, how right I was and that scares me. I could feel the test coming of our ability to love each other and to have the attitude the savior had while hanging on the cross "father forgive them, for they know not what they do." That "know not what they do" is the key. The general YW president felt the need to put out a 1 minute video on compassion. It is heated right now. Brother is being pitted against brother all in the name of love and compassion and the almighty "tolerance". It scares me for our future if we can't figure this out. I believe it will be a major part of the sifting of the wheat and the tares - this ability to love our brothers and sisters no matter what they don't know or do and how that effects us.
A friend of mine made a comment on the video from the general yw president that I shared on my fb, that got me pondering more. She said "thank you for sharing this... I was commenting about (I removed her name) today and called her a moron and immediately had to reword what I said, because really I know she just doesn't get it... and how often have I just not "gotten it"?!
That "just not gotten it" put me right back to "they know not what they do." It also reminded me of Mormon. He was the greatest example we have of being surrounded by people who just didn't get it, yet he still exemplified love and compassion. He knows what it feels like to be the last man standing. To look around and wonder how many could just not get it. To be stricken with grief because of the choices of those around you. But, he knew the plan and he never faltered from it. He knew that the best hope his people had of exaltation was to stand by them to the end.
My favorite blogger and the only blog I read posted something about this being all prophecy which is being fulfilled. All I can say is, yep. Now to figure out how to live thru it and not loose your own soul. To remain stedfast and unmovable. To exemplify charity - which is the pure love of Christ -towards our fellow men so that they have their best chance at being exalted right along with us. How else could Mormon have stood with his people if he hadn't loved them by serving them and most importantly never giving up on them - even though he would have been completely justified in doing so. OK, he did walk away for a small moment, but then he returned -which is why I love him even more!
I have also had an interesting experience while taking on the challenge of reading the BOM with the intent of marking everything that has to do with pride. I took this challenge because of my favorite apostle and teacher who I won't name to save from eye rolling. When we started our pilgrimage to Nauvoo, I started this challenge.
In the front of my missionary copy of the BOM I wrote: "...looking for evidence of pride -what is it- what to do about it - what it does. Finished the BOM on my iPad 2 days ago and haven't started this yet because we are in an RV on a church history tour. We are in Kansas heading home. It is April 17, 20014."
It is now June 27th. Before I took on this challenge I was reading 2 chapters a day. Now that I have a hard copy that I've got to cart around and a green (the color of pride and envy) pencil to mark that I've got to keep track of, I'm getting nowhere fast. I just finished Omni this morning. Something about wanting to understand pride is slow going. This isn't an exercise where you just look up all the scriptures that contain the word "pride" because pride is much more complicated than that. You should see how much green there is in my book so far because I have also been marking the lack of pride -when credit was given to the Lord. This little experiment is probably also why I am having a hard time wanting to write here.
Now that I've gotten all that out of the way, the true reason for this post was to try and express the feeling of my heart regarding the wonderful opportunity of growth I have been given. The opportunity to help suit up some of the choicest spirits in the armor of the Lord. A great deal of trust has been placed in me and I don't take it lightly.
Little known secret and truth be told....I've been wanting to teach seminary for a couple of years. Now, here's where I may get some misunderstanding. I feel like I have been preparing for this. Say it's cheesy. Say it's prideful. Say whatever, but we are all here to prepare. For something. Whatever that specific path for each of us is, it takes preparation. When I am finished with the doctrine and covenants I will have studied -with the institute manual - all 4 of the standard works on my own. I am obsessed with teaching and learning how to become a better teacher. As a convert and a person that is experiencing a continual conversion, I understand how one becomes converted. You have to do the work yourself. Talk about needing your pride stripped away - being a successful teacher requires your pride to be stripped. It's not about me telling the students everything I know. It's about me helping them discover things for themselves. I've got to be willing to work on my weaknesses and let people tell me what they are. My goal isn't to teach the students the gospel, it is to have them be able to apply it in their lives and be converted to it. It is to teach them how to be students. Who cares if they can lay out all the history of the church being founded if they don't know why they need to know it.
When you know that the stakes are high you (ok, I) can tend to get a little intense. You can forget to enjoy the journey. Forget to appreciate that this is a training ground and we are here to work out our salvation. Work it out. Fail at it. Succeed at it. It's all ok and how it's supposed to be.
It reminded me of when I was a junior in high school and living with my best friend. I lived with her and her family for about 1 month and while I was there I attended early morning seminary with her. It was at the church building and some mornings I would go into the class and some I would just sit in the foyer on the couch and wait for them.
The only thing I remember is Nate getting the teacher so upset that she threw a wadded up kleenex at him and said "you are so uncouth!" She was the stake presidents wife and the mother of my friend Tom. She was the sickly sweet type that always had something positive and pleasant to say. The fact that she did that was pretty extreme for her. I don't remember a single lesson or point of doctrine from those days. In fact nothing from any of the lessons that I sat in on Sundays or on mutual nights. I do have some from private conversations with those friends and their families. The only thing I had was a feeling. A deep yearning for something that I didn't have. A roadmap that I knew if I used I could be happy. All of that scared me and I knew that I would have to do something about it if I really took the time to think about anything that I was feeling and I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready until I finished my first year of college and knew that I needed to do something different.
What you don't want to do is beat anyone over the head with the gospel. That's not inviting. There are real struggles and obstacles to overcome when you decided to change your life no matter the consequences. Just because the students I am teaching were born into the gospel doesn't mean they don't have those same struggles and challenges.
Like Elder Anderson said about the students his wife taught in early morning seminary (at a seminary conference) "their hands were warmed by the fire of her testimony." I just need to show and share my love for the gospel while helping them to gain their own.
I believe it was also in that conference that he talked about this generation being the most spiritually sensitive. The kids are so much farther ahead of the game than I was at a much older age. Can you imagine what kind of miracles are possible if they suit up? We are talking bible miracles!
So, here's how I announced it on fb, because that's the world we live in.
"It is now official, I will be teaching early morning seminary in the fall for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (most specifically, my ward). I am so excited for the challenge, the blessings and the opportunity to share my love of the gospel on a daily basis with the best youth of the chosen generation. To my future students, get yourselves ready for an amazing year!"
My favorite response was from my Dad.
Their is no doubt in my mind that you will give those Kids the best of what you got and you Mrs. Ivey have got a lot to give. Love is a powerful tool.
Love is a powerful tool. It's how we are going to survive this mess that we are in. It's what we are here to learn and figure out. When we love God's children, we are showing our love to Him and when we love Him we obey Him and when we obey Him we qualify ourselves for all that He has to give....which makes us love Him more and His children more and then we obey more and it goes round and round.
There's work to do, Let's do it!
Other things that get in my way. Stuff that is happening in the world. Right now, believe me when I say, It's all been said. My opinion doesn't need to be added to this mess. Without going into detail, there are 4 main issues that are tearing our families apart.
1. Are you owed anything? How does charity and personal responsibility co-exist?
2. "love is love" Is marriage between a man and a woman and does the government get to decide? How does this effect membership within the church?
3. Should woman who feel they are being treated unfairly by not being able to hold the priesthood get to actively demonstrate and proselyte contrary to church doctrine and not get excommunicated?
4. Should we care about the thousands of illegal children who are in shelters on the boarder? Should they be left in those conditions because their parents broke the law? How do we reconcile law with compassion?
All these things weigh heavily on my mind and I am the least qualified person to comment on any of them....beside, it's all been said. What I do is focus on is my growth as a disciple of Jesus Christ and hope that anything that you want to take away as applicable to what is happening will help you reconcile those same questions I struggle with.
The last couple of days I have been praying fervently for wisdom, compassion and true knowledge. Eyes that see and ears that hear. How to love while not condoning actions. I had no idea when just before the reelection of our current president when I was feeling a big test coming on, how right I was and that scares me. I could feel the test coming of our ability to love each other and to have the attitude the savior had while hanging on the cross "father forgive them, for they know not what they do." That "know not what they do" is the key. The general YW president felt the need to put out a 1 minute video on compassion. It is heated right now. Brother is being pitted against brother all in the name of love and compassion and the almighty "tolerance". It scares me for our future if we can't figure this out. I believe it will be a major part of the sifting of the wheat and the tares - this ability to love our brothers and sisters no matter what they don't know or do and how that effects us.
A friend of mine made a comment on the video from the general yw president that I shared on my fb, that got me pondering more. She said "thank you for sharing this... I was commenting about (I removed her name) today and called her a moron and immediately had to reword what I said, because really I know she just doesn't get it... and how often have I just not "gotten it"?!
That "just not gotten it" put me right back to "they know not what they do." It also reminded me of Mormon. He was the greatest example we have of being surrounded by people who just didn't get it, yet he still exemplified love and compassion. He knows what it feels like to be the last man standing. To look around and wonder how many could just not get it. To be stricken with grief because of the choices of those around you. But, he knew the plan and he never faltered from it. He knew that the best hope his people had of exaltation was to stand by them to the end.
My favorite blogger and the only blog I read posted something about this being all prophecy which is being fulfilled. All I can say is, yep. Now to figure out how to live thru it and not loose your own soul. To remain stedfast and unmovable. To exemplify charity - which is the pure love of Christ -towards our fellow men so that they have their best chance at being exalted right along with us. How else could Mormon have stood with his people if he hadn't loved them by serving them and most importantly never giving up on them - even though he would have been completely justified in doing so. OK, he did walk away for a small moment, but then he returned -which is why I love him even more!
I have also had an interesting experience while taking on the challenge of reading the BOM with the intent of marking everything that has to do with pride. I took this challenge because of my favorite apostle and teacher who I won't name to save from eye rolling. When we started our pilgrimage to Nauvoo, I started this challenge.
In the front of my missionary copy of the BOM I wrote: "...looking for evidence of pride -what is it- what to do about it - what it does. Finished the BOM on my iPad 2 days ago and haven't started this yet because we are in an RV on a church history tour. We are in Kansas heading home. It is April 17, 20014."
It is now June 27th. Before I took on this challenge I was reading 2 chapters a day. Now that I have a hard copy that I've got to cart around and a green (the color of pride and envy) pencil to mark that I've got to keep track of, I'm getting nowhere fast. I just finished Omni this morning. Something about wanting to understand pride is slow going. This isn't an exercise where you just look up all the scriptures that contain the word "pride" because pride is much more complicated than that. You should see how much green there is in my book so far because I have also been marking the lack of pride -when credit was given to the Lord. This little experiment is probably also why I am having a hard time wanting to write here.
Now that I've gotten all that out of the way, the true reason for this post was to try and express the feeling of my heart regarding the wonderful opportunity of growth I have been given. The opportunity to help suit up some of the choicest spirits in the armor of the Lord. A great deal of trust has been placed in me and I don't take it lightly.
Little known secret and truth be told....I've been wanting to teach seminary for a couple of years. Now, here's where I may get some misunderstanding. I feel like I have been preparing for this. Say it's cheesy. Say it's prideful. Say whatever, but we are all here to prepare. For something. Whatever that specific path for each of us is, it takes preparation. When I am finished with the doctrine and covenants I will have studied -with the institute manual - all 4 of the standard works on my own. I am obsessed with teaching and learning how to become a better teacher. As a convert and a person that is experiencing a continual conversion, I understand how one becomes converted. You have to do the work yourself. Talk about needing your pride stripped away - being a successful teacher requires your pride to be stripped. It's not about me telling the students everything I know. It's about me helping them discover things for themselves. I've got to be willing to work on my weaknesses and let people tell me what they are. My goal isn't to teach the students the gospel, it is to have them be able to apply it in their lives and be converted to it. It is to teach them how to be students. Who cares if they can lay out all the history of the church being founded if they don't know why they need to know it.
When you know that the stakes are high you (ok, I) can tend to get a little intense. You can forget to enjoy the journey. Forget to appreciate that this is a training ground and we are here to work out our salvation. Work it out. Fail at it. Succeed at it. It's all ok and how it's supposed to be.
It reminded me of when I was a junior in high school and living with my best friend. I lived with her and her family for about 1 month and while I was there I attended early morning seminary with her. It was at the church building and some mornings I would go into the class and some I would just sit in the foyer on the couch and wait for them.
The only thing I remember is Nate getting the teacher so upset that she threw a wadded up kleenex at him and said "you are so uncouth!" She was the stake presidents wife and the mother of my friend Tom. She was the sickly sweet type that always had something positive and pleasant to say. The fact that she did that was pretty extreme for her. I don't remember a single lesson or point of doctrine from those days. In fact nothing from any of the lessons that I sat in on Sundays or on mutual nights. I do have some from private conversations with those friends and their families. The only thing I had was a feeling. A deep yearning for something that I didn't have. A roadmap that I knew if I used I could be happy. All of that scared me and I knew that I would have to do something about it if I really took the time to think about anything that I was feeling and I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready until I finished my first year of college and knew that I needed to do something different.
What you don't want to do is beat anyone over the head with the gospel. That's not inviting. There are real struggles and obstacles to overcome when you decided to change your life no matter the consequences. Just because the students I am teaching were born into the gospel doesn't mean they don't have those same struggles and challenges.
Like Elder Anderson said about the students his wife taught in early morning seminary (at a seminary conference) "their hands were warmed by the fire of her testimony." I just need to show and share my love for the gospel while helping them to gain their own.
I believe it was also in that conference that he talked about this generation being the most spiritually sensitive. The kids are so much farther ahead of the game than I was at a much older age. Can you imagine what kind of miracles are possible if they suit up? We are talking bible miracles!
So, here's how I announced it on fb, because that's the world we live in.
"It is now official, I will be teaching early morning seminary in the fall for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (most specifically, my ward). I am so excited for the challenge, the blessings and the opportunity to share my love of the gospel on a daily basis with the best youth of the chosen generation. To my future students, get yourselves ready for an amazing year!"
My favorite response was from my Dad.
Their is no doubt in my mind that you will give those Kids the best of what you got and you Mrs. Ivey have got a lot to give. Love is a powerful tool.
Love is a powerful tool. It's how we are going to survive this mess that we are in. It's what we are here to learn and figure out. When we love God's children, we are showing our love to Him and when we love Him we obey Him and when we obey Him we qualify ourselves for all that He has to give....which makes us love Him more and His children more and then we obey more and it goes round and round.
There's work to do, Let's do it!
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Persuasion
After much consideration and taking into account everyone's feelings and needs and wants....my daughter got her greatest wish and sought after desire...her own room.
This decision caused all kinds of drama. Obstacles to overcome. Fairness to be meted out. My own wants and desires put aside. I know it's my house, but I also need to do what's best for everyone. After Jared laid out his case for also getting his own room, I wandered around the house trying to decide how to make it work and where to put my crap so the proposed changes could be made.
That's how we spent our family home evening on Monday. Trying to figure out the configuration, the problems that would arise from the configuration, and how to go about making such changes. Since we couldn't get a new house to accommodate my exercise equipment, it got banished to outer darkness -AKA - the outside back garage. All the crap I'd put into one of the closets had to be gotten rid of and a new home found for it....so essentially most of it got donated.
Then it was on to the dance and logistics of moving 4 kids out of their rooms and switching them around. We had 4 rooms to work with. My kids were taking up 2 bedrooms. One room was our "cyber" room and one was the "play/exercise room." We got rid of both of the extra rooms and gave everyone their own rooms. This is something that has never happened in the history of our little family. I'm a firm believer in learning how to live with someone. They are gonna be doing it for the rest of their lives when they get married....better start learning now. Well, they've been doing it and there is a pretty big age gap between the kids. If Ethan and Jordyn could have shared a room, I would have done that, so since they can't, we are giving them all their own rooms - for now.
The biggest mess? Moving all the toys and junk out of the playroom so Ethan could move into it. Below is our loft area and the entire contents of the playroom (except for the exercise equipment which already had made its way to the back garage). I thought that I should call up the show "hoarders" and have them come on over. This is how it starts. You take on a massive project like moving 4 rooms, loose energy and think "I'll do it tomorrow" and 10 years later....
Because the kids were so committed to this cause, they were very helpful in getting everything moved around.....that and they knew it was part of the deal. They were great at solving all the problems and looking for solutions that made life easier. Especially because I had just come off a 1 week trip that killed my body to enter into another project to finish me off. No rest for the wicked, I tell you. Every time I go into the chiropractor and tell him that he still hasn't fixed me and then tell him what I've been up to, he just puts his hand over his eyes and shakes his head. I gotta keep being me and doing what I love. Anyway, back to the problem solving, one of which was:
We needed a new full mattress. I didn't think that it was fair that Emma got the last new mattress and she was trying to get another one this time. The problem? She was moving back downstairs again. We would have to take her mattress down the stairs and drag a new mattress up the stairs to give to Ethan. The kids decided that was way too much work and Emma ended up with the new mattress again.
Not a single kid stayed in a room they were in. One of the rooms that has only ever had boys in it, now has Jordyn (we had to detox the bathroom for her) in it and one of the rooms that has only ever had girls in now has Jared in it, and Ethan has never not been in the same room and he moved. Emma has been downstairs before and ended up there again.
When we got to this point in the moving process, I txt my husband "I've lost the will to live" with the below picture attached.
List of things
1. Be awesome
2. start making bed after waking
3. hang up posters
4. start getting in habit of waking up at 6:00
5. brush teeth well twice a day (do better)
6. work on getting an exotic pet
7. start showering more
must grow your hair!
Next up is Jordy and she has some rules:
This decision caused all kinds of drama. Obstacles to overcome. Fairness to be meted out. My own wants and desires put aside. I know it's my house, but I also need to do what's best for everyone. After Jared laid out his case for also getting his own room, I wandered around the house trying to decide how to make it work and where to put my crap so the proposed changes could be made.
That's how we spent our family home evening on Monday. Trying to figure out the configuration, the problems that would arise from the configuration, and how to go about making such changes. Since we couldn't get a new house to accommodate my exercise equipment, it got banished to outer darkness -AKA - the outside back garage. All the crap I'd put into one of the closets had to be gotten rid of and a new home found for it....so essentially most of it got donated.
Then it was on to the dance and logistics of moving 4 kids out of their rooms and switching them around. We had 4 rooms to work with. My kids were taking up 2 bedrooms. One room was our "cyber" room and one was the "play/exercise room." We got rid of both of the extra rooms and gave everyone their own rooms. This is something that has never happened in the history of our little family. I'm a firm believer in learning how to live with someone. They are gonna be doing it for the rest of their lives when they get married....better start learning now. Well, they've been doing it and there is a pretty big age gap between the kids. If Ethan and Jordyn could have shared a room, I would have done that, so since they can't, we are giving them all their own rooms - for now.
The biggest mess? Moving all the toys and junk out of the playroom so Ethan could move into it. Below is our loft area and the entire contents of the playroom (except for the exercise equipment which already had made its way to the back garage). I thought that I should call up the show "hoarders" and have them come on over. This is how it starts. You take on a massive project like moving 4 rooms, loose energy and think "I'll do it tomorrow" and 10 years later....
We needed a new full mattress. I didn't think that it was fair that Emma got the last new mattress and she was trying to get another one this time. The problem? She was moving back downstairs again. We would have to take her mattress down the stairs and drag a new mattress up the stairs to give to Ethan. The kids decided that was way too much work and Emma ended up with the new mattress again.
Not a single kid stayed in a room they were in. One of the rooms that has only ever had boys in it, now has Jordyn (we had to detox the bathroom for her) in it and one of the rooms that has only ever had girls in now has Jared in it, and Ethan has never not been in the same room and he moved. Emma has been downstairs before and ended up there again.
When we got to this point in the moving process, I txt my husband "I've lost the will to live" with the below picture attached.
You know when you are moving and you look around at all the little crap that hasn't made it into a box because you don't know how to deal with it? Yep, that's were we were in the process when I felt like giving up. This is also when the likelihood of something being thrown away was pretty high. I just tell myself, "we got our moneys worth out of this, so goodbye" and away into the trash it goes....unless it is decent enough for someone else to get pleasure out of.
There wasn't an area of the house that wasn't stuffed with the contents of someones room. The above picture doesn't even do justice to what was actually there. That is only about 1/4 of what got thrown there. My husband has recently come to the realization that he is a hoarder. They boy's closet was so packed with old clothes that they weren't wearing that it was oppressive when it was all hauled out to be sorted Nate's been in charge of their closet because I would just get mad every time I walked into the boys' room). I originally thought about saving the mess for him to go thru and clean up and then I realized that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. S,o I took on the project and freed our home from the clutter. It was liberating. I did save some things that jared had outgrown for Ethan, but it was a small fraction of what was being hoarded. Now, I've got to get all the bags out of the house before he can start going thru them and trying to keep stuff :0) He was pretty terrified when he got home and saw that I didn't save the project for him.
Even though the project was overwhelming and it started feeling like there was no hope of ever finishing....we finished wed night. The only problem is that my living room is filled with stuff to take to the scout garage sale, so my house is still looking pretty bad, but if you come up the stairs it will look beautiful.
When Emma and Jordyn went their separate ways, they evenly divided their assets. It went really smooth and I really didn't hear about it until it was over and they showed me what each of them took in the separation. What caused the most contention? It was between Ethan and Jordyn. Mormon Ads. Can you believe it? They were in the closet that could no longer exist in the new arrangement. When Ethan laid eyes on them, he had to have them. He figured that since it was his idea, he should be able to pick the six that he wanted and then Jordyn could have the six remaining. I have never seen so many tears in my life over spiritual posters. The one that caused the most contention? The pizza one talking about paying 1/10th for tithing. Also the "you're never alone" picture with Christ. Ethan needed it to protect him in his room now that he was all by himself. There was were a couple other ones that they fought over, but I solved the problem by each getting to pick 1 picture at a time and Ethan got to start since it was his idea to get them. We had a melt down about half way thru the process over that darn pizza picture and Jordyn finally couldn't take the crying anymore and gave Ethan the picture and went her way with her 6. That's a picture of his stash of pictures to hang up.
Ok, now I know that no one else enjoys my kids as much as I do, but this is all about me, so deal. The 2 youngest already had rules for their room established before they were even done loading everything in. Ethan's is first up and his is more of a to do list:
1. Be awesome
2. start making bed after waking
3. hang up posters
4. start getting in habit of waking up at 6:00
5. brush teeth well twice a day (do better)
6. work on getting an exotic pet
7. start showering more
must grow your hair!
Next up is Jordy and she has some rules:
Rules - thank you and please make sure that you follow these rules
1. Don't touch my stuff without asking
2. If you take it out you put it back where you found it when you are done with it
3. you cannot be mean in this room
4. NO BOYS ALLOWED - unless dad or baby
5. Do not ever ever whisper. If you have something to say, say it in front of everyone.
6. Don't touch the posters
Seriously loving my kids and their to do list and rules. They are awesome!
I'm actually pretty surprised that they wanted those ads. The kids were just giving me a hard time a couple of days ago about the decor in our house. When I said I wanted to hang some more stuff up permanently for seminary - because I'm hoping it is at our house and not my partners, it led to the following conversation. After pleading with me to absolutely not permanently hang any additional stuff in our house, Emma said that when her friends come over they are initially like "wow, really nice house" and then they are like "wow, what's with Jesus?" Jared chimed in with a "yeah, he's everywhere, always watching." It was making me a little sad that they were telling me how they didn't like our home that is our temple. My husband consoled me by reminding me about my friend Tom when I was in high school. He would get embarrassed by his parents being super religious and I loved it at his house.....and look how it turned out? I got baptized in large part because of his family. So now my kids can get even more embarrassed because Ethan and Jordyn just kicked it up another notch by added all the ads in their rooms. hahaha There is no doubt when you come to my house what is important to our family and what we believe. My home is an outward expression of how I feel on the inside. Essentially, it's my testimony.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Dining Table and Chairs Makeover
What do you do when you have 7 kids and a table that has tried it's best to hold up, but just looks pitiful? You give it a makeover. I'm what I like to call a jack of all trade, master of none. My famous line is "how hard can it be?" I will tackle any project. I jump right in and don't look back. my friend is not the jumping type, that's why she has me.
Look at that poor sad micro fiber cushion. It has seen way too many spills to be resurrected as is. We started with the least scary project. Recovering the cushions. I helped my friend from here by going to the fabric store and taking some photos so that when she went there in AZ she would know what she was looking for and doing. I had her buy outdoor fabric because it will hold up to the use much better.
We just rotated from playing with the kids to doing projects and sometimes we tried to do both at the same time. It was pretty stinking hot there in AZ so keeping the energy level up was a bit of a challenge. I recovered the cushions at night while the older kids swam and Jo put little ones to bed. When she got the kids to bed she joined me and I showed her how to cover the cushions. She preferred the supervising role, but I think she did at least one cushion.
Next up was playing with my new favorite technique. Chalk paint. This stuff is amazing and awesome and I will never paint any other way again.....who am I kidding, am I really going to paint anything else? Who knows, it got me thinking about redoing the top of my kitchen table. It is black and pretty roughed up and crappy looking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it....maybe red....I love red.
Anyway, you don't have to prep when you are using chalk paint, but most of the chairs had to be glued back together so they were semi- sanded. Here is the recipe
1/4 cup plaster
1/4 cup very hot water
mix until dissolved
add 2-4 cups paint (I used 3)....any kind you want....we used flat
After 2-4 coats of paint that have dried between, sand the roughness off to either an antique look or a solid look. The fewer coats, the more it will antique.
We went for a 2 tone effect on the table. Jo originally wanted black, but after consulting my guru friend, we decided against it. Black is way too hard to work with and you need to be more of a professional skill level. We went with brown instead.
Now, what I didn't mention to my friend as I helped her pick out the brown colors that went with her new fabric was that I was a wee bit worried that it was going to end up looking like something out of the 70's, but I'm a jumper, so I jumped.....then when we were done I told her that I was worried.
Because this is a heavy use application, we couldn't just wax it. We had to apply 2-4 coats of poly...sanding between each coat. I'm telling you, my neck and back were killing me as well as the heat and the sheer volume of work to be accomplished. The last couple of days we discovered that if we jumped in the pool before we started working, we stayed cooler. We were just sweating buckets and then changing into our suits and jumping in when we were done ( I actually packed painting clothes- because I'm awesome like that)
That last picture is the 2 coats of poly on the chairs, so they were done and there was 1 coat on 1 panel of the table to show what it looks like with poly. I think she is going to be so happy and pleased with this transformation. It looks pretty sharp, if you ask me. Hopefully she can finish up what we started while I was there. There just wasn't enough energy and hours of the day to finish it before I left. Too much drying time and sanding and painting for 8 chairs and a table.
BTW we just used foam brushes for the application. The only thing I rolled was the table top and I used a cabinet roller brush for that. I was worried that it would dry stipply because of how it rolled on, but it didn't. I also liked that it kept the paint from going in the lines of the table- if those would have been painted, I think it would have looked awful when dirt started getting stuck in there. I also worried about the poly bubbling up a bit because of the foam brush, but those dried out as well - you do have to be super careful about drips though- same with the paint.
Hopefully they hold up to the kids.
Why I Want...
Unbeknownst to me, Ethan drew up this rough draft of why he wants a falcon during sacrament meeting. I saw him get the piece of paper out, but I figured he was drawing crazy aliens or monsters.
When we got home from church he came up into my bedroom with his hands behind his back and then presented me with his final draft. We had all migrated onto the bed, so I read aloud this nicely presented plan.
Why I want a falcon, & How it can help
*It can hunt and find prey-
why I want a falcon- it can hunt lizards
how it will help- it can find bugs in the house and eat them
-it can help dad hunt it can track deer
It will go to sleep when wanted-
Why I want a falcon- it will not be loud at night
-it is cooler and can be quieter
How it can help- it will go to sleep at night
-it will be quiet when I put his cap on him
-I will train him to be good
Dooms Day-
Why I want it- if there is a sickness that makes people zombies he will protect us
How it will help- He could hunt us food if we need it
-he could keep people from stealing our food
-he could go get us food from like walmart if it is run down
Fun-
I want a falcon ultimately for fun
My kid is killing me with adorableness. His ability to sell me on his ideas is pretty stellar. I mean, come on, look at that well thought out list of reasons. I'm sold. haha You have to realize that before this he was going to die if he didn't get an ostrich. He had everything researched out. He had a place where he was going to buy the egg and the incubator and a plan for what to do with them when they are mean. Right before we left for AZ he decided that he was too little for an ostrich and it would probably kill him so he needed a goat. The wanting a goat is not a new thing. Ever since he read the Hunger games, he has wanted a pet goat. This time he spent hours on the computer looking up zoning laws. The kid is 11. His plan was to hire a lawyer to get the zoning laws changed for our area. Kill-ing-me! Somewhere between AZ and home, he changed his mind to a falcon. In fact, I need to investigate that because I would love to know what got him thinking about it.
My obvious impression at the well thought out and well argued reasons for wanting a falcon was starting to irk Emma. "Ethan writes a letter and gets a falcon? Can I write out a letter to get my own room? This is so not fair!" Sometimes messing with my kids is just too much darn fun. Like we're gonna get a falcon...
Ethan did spend a couple more hours looking up the permit process and filling out an application on-line for a permit. He couldn't submit it until we forked over the 25 bucks - which we haven't done. But, the application asked all kinds of questions about your plans for the bird so I had him look up bathing and feeding and keeping of falcons so he could fill out the form. The kid is committed! He needs to give me a list of the price of everything. The real bummer is that you can't know the price of a falcon until you get the permit and all the stuff for it and then someone goes out and gets one from a nest for you. Crazy. The disclaimer is that if a chayote or something else eats it before you get it, you get your deposit back but not your training fee. Our luck would be that the thing would get eaten! He also said "I'm going to send in my 'why I want a falcon' and then they will for sure let me have the permit."
So, Emma then disappeared for awhile and then presented us with her letter. Now, if I were critiquing....I love me some bullet points....but she did a good job.
Reasons I should have my own room
A reason why I should have my own room is that you could have a room to use as a guest room. Also I have learned my lesson and participate with the family. Jordyn approves. I'm oldest. I have the most sleepovers and I would make a mess of the theater. When I move out Jared gets disown room. I would have some privacy and my stuff wouldn't get stolen as much so I would be less irritated with Jordyn and Ethan. I will move it all (except the super heavy stuff, but I'll get help). I have been doing good with running and trying to do stuff you want me to do. Jordyn will learn responsibility to clean her own room instead of me doing it for her. There is a greater age difference between me and Jordyn then Jared and Ethan. Pleas give me a list of problems and I will find solutions :)
Love, Emma
Her argument is pretty convincing as well. I actually starting walking around the house trying to decide if I would like the changes it would take to make the move. She has been doing all the things she said she has. As a general rule, I am a no to sleep overs, but I do allow a couple of her friends to sleep over on occasion - I don't let her sleep anywhere else. I know it complicates things having exceptions, but that's one of the perks to being a parent.
After we read Emma's list Jordyn jumped in with all the reasons that was a great idea. I do need to try and contain the hurricane of toys into 1 area instead of 2 because we would be getting rid of the "playroom." We shall see...
While all this was going on, Jared was sitting at the computer learning to play my guitar. He decided when he got back from EFY that this was something he needed to do. I guess he liked the attention the boys with guitars got. His counselor also brought a guitar and made up a bunch of fun songs about their time there and he really enjoyed that. I warned Jared that his fingers were going to hurt and most likely bleed while they were building up calluses. Last night after a couple hours of playing he looked at me while sucking on his sore and bleeding fingers and said "the bleeding will all be worth it when the ladies start to swoon. I just need to get a manly guitar. One without doves on it."
I seriously love my kids!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Thank You's That Aren't Thank You's
Ok, now, I know this is going to sound petty and completely unspiritual and perhaps a bit childish. But, hey. I'm human.
I listened to a talk at a TOFW a few years ago by a psychologist, who is also a member of the church and she talked about proper apologies. It was all about the power of a proper apology. If you are going to have a proper one, you need to know what isn't. She went through all the ways we ruin apologies. You know, when you turn your apology into, "I'm sorry, but...." Then we fill it in with things like, "You made me do it. If you weren't so sensitive. You took it the wrong way. Or, the classic - well, I guess I'm just the worlds worst person. All those just cancel out anything you said previously that you are hoping will make the situation better while at the same time saving your own pride.
This is when you start getting ticked off when the other person doesn't act like they have forgiven you and you start in with things like, "I said I was sorry. Gee, how many times do you want me to apologize. Are you going to hold that against me forever." The truth of the matter is that they haven't forgiven you because they didn't believe the apology and they didn't get the validation that they needed from it to move on and trust you again.
Now, I realize that I'm about to talk about "thank you's" and not apologies, but I believe the same principles apply.
Well, before I left for AZ I went and visited with someone. I knew that this person hated me for no other reason than I exist. She is the kind of person that gets offended for crazy reasons. An exaggerated example would be me saying something like "How are you today?" This person is so crazy that they would say something like "why on earth would you ask me a question like that. Do I look like something is wrong. How could you be so insensitive as to ask me something like that."
Now that is an exaggeration, but not by much. She is the kind of person that gets offended and stops coming to church while claiming that it wasn't because she was offended...but then listing all the ways she was offended. Drama. Major drama. I'll leave it there.
I have offended this woman on a couple of occasions and she does not like me - even a little. Well, I needed to visit someone else that lived in her home that needed to know that I loved them. I put my big girl britches on and went over there in spite of the feelings. Things appeared to be going well....dun dun dun
Until I returned home from AZ and found a thank you note that was in the mail. Guess what? I managed to say something offensive again. It is comical what she thought was offensive this time.
It reminded me of the Studio C comedy sketch about the christmas cards. You know where you are sugary sweet nice upfront and then lay out how the person sucks and then end all sugar sweet again. Oh yeah, got me one of those. The only thing is - homey don't play that. (oh yeah, I really did just use that) I am not about to send off a thank you for the thank you with a - ps they make medication for what you have - not in a snarky way, in a seriously, for reals, please take some medication, way. It truly must be exhausting to get so worked up all the time and it also must be a wretched world to live in.
What did I do instead of sending a snarky letter? I burned hers. Yep, I got out the lighter and set the thing ablaze. The only problem was that I couldn't get the blasted thing to catch fire. My husband came out back where I was throwing a burning party for one and took pity on my sorry attempt at burning this person out of my life and lit it for me. Thanks baby.
That was my lovely little welcome home.
So, if you ever feel so inclined to send me a thank you that really isn't a thank you ....save yourself the paper and the postage, because I will just burn it.
While I Was Listening
I've got a little hodge podge of inspiration that I received while I was on vacation in AZ. Some of it occurred while in the shower, some while I was trying to squeeze in some scripture study while laying on the air mattress in the playroom before the chaos descended, and some occurred while I was trying to focus on what matters.
I'll start for the reason we were in AZ - these 3.
It was a trip to drop off my 2 oldest and their cousin at EFY in Flagstaff. Here's a little story about what happens when you try to brush off inspiration. I had the wild and crazy thought that I needed to offer a "scholarship" to my niece to attend EFY. There was no way she could have gone without it. My problem, well there is a long history here. I had the thought and then decided that I wasn't sure I was that generous of a person because of the history. It kept nagging me, so after I had forked over the truck load of cash for my 2 kids, I broached the subject with my nieces parents. Here is the problem, by then all the tickets had been sold. Oh boy, I just got everyone stoked for an adventure and now I couldn't deliver.
Luckily, the year before my friend brought up a girl from her ward that was going to try and walk on because the session was sold out. I watched the process up close and knew that it was something that could be pulled off. Remembering this gave me the confidence to proceed with faith. Worse case scenario, Danika had to spend the week with me in Phoenix if we couldn't get her in. Long story short and nerves worn a bit thin....drop off for my 2 was at 11 and we had to wait until 1 to start the process of trying to get her in. By 2, I had her up in her room and her counselor and group tracked down, a hug and wish for good luck, and I was finally off for my 3 hour drive to Phoenix with the 2 little ones.
So, had I have acted when I first knew this was something that I needed to do, we could have avoided the anxiety of walking on. I was worried about a "return on my investment" when I should have just trusted. By that I mean, I was worried that the experience that I was hoping my niece would have, she wouldn't be ready for or committed to. The drive home proved to me that it wasn't waisted when she said "everyone talks about how it will change your life and I didn't know what they meant or how that was possible, but it totally changed my life. I had no idea how spiritual it would be or how much I would feel the spirit and have my testimony grow." I would call that an excellent return on my investment because I'm investing in people. It was also a lesson in taking leap of faith which may have made the event more important because of the work it took to make it happen.
The ride home is by far my favorite part of my annual trip to Flagstaff. Emma just continues to impress me with her maturity in the gospel. The things she talked about and told me were incredible. This time her focus was on learning how to share the gospel with others. How to tell someone about baptism etc and she found that her testimony was strengthened while she was learning how to teach. She also made some " possible commitments." I was working hard on my Elder B techniques and asked her how she could take her commitments from "possible" to "for sure" and let her come up with her own plan instead of me telling her how to do it. I spent the car ride practicing how to ask questions that helped the kids tell me what happened while again testifying to themselves about what they learned and how to apply it.
The coolest thing was the discussion I had with my son on identifying the spirit. He is my scientist and is vehement about your heart not being able to "feel." We had a great discussion about how his heart "hurt" 3 times while he was there and I asked him questions about it that let him draw his own conclusions instead of me telling him anything. It was seriously cool. We also talked about taking a leap of faith. I had asked him to take the time while he was there to figure out if it was the right time to get his patriarchal blessing. We talked about how you know and interpreting feelings. After talking about not being able to figure if he should, we moved onto why he shouldn't get one. Since we couldn't think of any reasons not too, I asked him to take a leap of faith and take the steps towards getting it. I then promised that the Lord would back up those actions with the feeling he was looking for. Bold and daring on my part, but I'm confident that the Lord knows exactly what Jared needs to know he is aware of him and guiding him.
When you start learning more about the gospel, you start getting more excited and you want everyone to know what you know - the natural extension of that is to tell everyone what you know. Well, that isn't very effective, but it's the most instinctive process we know. The true teacher, teaches someone to figure things out themselves. The steps they need to take to figure it out. It's hard to do and takes a serious amount of restraint, but when you can see it working, there is no experience like it.
The next thing I learned while I was in the shower one morning while at my friends house. I'm not sure the catalyst of the thought, but I found myself wondering about my path. I think I was thinking about how hard the week had been so far. This brought to my mind thoughts about a cousin that I say, "how is it that she is living my life, I wanted to be doing that, why can't I find a way to do that?" Her family recently went to Mexico and built a house for a family in need there. I've always dreamt of doing service vacations with my family. It has just never found a way into my life. While I was shaving my legs, a thought hit me like thunder - you are on a service vacation with your family right now! The next thought I had was, "holy crap, you're right, I've been so blind." The last time we went out to my friends house we called it "operation rescue, Jo." This time we were going out so that I could not only rescue her sanity, but help her with some projects around her house.
Wanna see? I'll dedicate an entire post to the project, but most of the time was spent dealing with daily life... My friend is a saint. She adopted 4 babies that were addicted to crack when they were born and they all have the same mother. Their mother is still popping out the babies. She has had 3 more since Ben, who is 3, and she is pregnant again. All 4 of the kids have behavioral problems. It is mentally exhausting fighting those battles all day long and trying to get anything done around the house. My friend expressed to me that our relationship is great because I knew her before all the kids or as she refers to it - before she was crazy. She actually had a vt tell her "if you need anything, let me know - except watch your kids." My heart aches for her and the stage of life she is in - the constant state of drowning that she experiences. We were there to help carry the burden and take on a project that would add happiness to her life.
Why do I tell you this? Because often times we are being disciples of Christ. We are doing exactly what He wants us to be doing, but it seems too small and simple, not grand and great - so, we put it in the "doesn't count" category of life. Here's where I remind myself of the scripture "by small and simple things are great things come to pass.." Alma 37:6. It also reminds me of the Women's conference (either last time or the time before) where the theme was covenants. One talk specifically was about pointing out and reminding each other when we are keeping our covenants so that we gain confidence to keep more covenants because we know that we are capable. It's making those connections to what we know and what we do, to become who we are supposed to be.
Ok, next up was taking small moments and enjoying them. I mean really enjoying them. Getting all sappy about life. I'll share a couple of my favorite moments that made my heart swell with joy in my children.
We were getting a bit bored on the way to flagstaff so I decided to get all crazy and use up a bunch of data to listen to Pandora - so we could listen to the Disney channel. We spent 2 hours belting out all our favorite Disney movie songs. Emma was being hysterical because she kept saying "oooohhhh, I love this song, it hits me right in the childhood." She said that every song. It was great fun and we still were able to keep the Sabbath by listening to uplifting music that didn't put the driver to sleep.
Ethan was being a joy the entire trip. From making a pretty sweet breakfast at the hotel, to the countless other things he did.
He heated up a bagel, put Nutella on it and sliced up a banana to top it off. Delish!
We had crazy sheet drama at the hotel when I didn't have a top sheet to give to Jared so that he could sleep on the couch. Ethan was sleeping on the other end of the couch on the top sheet. I looked at the bottom sheet trying to make lemonade out of lemons and told Jared to use the sheet as a cocoon. Well, Jared thought it was awesome and made it more into him working at Sandia labs, which made Ethan crazy jealous. Seriously this is what we fight over, sheets?
I couldn't decide between making Ethan suffer, because he does this all the time, and getting him the stupid sheet. He doesn't want something or thinks he has the better thing until his brother comes along and enjoys something else and then all of a sudden, Ethan now needs that too. We had to call down to the desk and ask for more sheets to be brought up and then we had to call again an hour later when we still hadn't received them. He was pretty stoked about being able to curl up in a fitted sheet. Who knew a sheet could bring such joy, especially when it was first perceived as the crappy option. When you make lemonade out of lemons - others will follow.
My heart smiled many times as I watched Ethan and Jordyn being so helpful without being asked by me. They were being so kind to the little kids and making sure they were entertained and happy. One night Jo and I escaped for a couple hours to get dinner, so I brought back some treats for Ethan and Jordyn. Ethan loved playing with the pioneer hats while we were in Nauvoo, so I when I saw this hat, I had to get it for him - especially since it was only 4.99.
He loved the hat so much that within 5 minutes of him wearing it, he had a song.
"I'm a little pioneer boy
That's right
Got my pioneer manners
Hello Ma'am
I walked many miles from place to place
But I kept on walking far and far
and I kept my spirit good and high
I'm a little pioneer boy
that's right"
I mean, come on! Major heart smile on that one. Oh and I almost forgot about his latest and greatest plan - to have a legacy. Yep, that's right, a legacy. How will he go about a legacy? By naming all of his boys Ethan. Then when asked about his girls he said "ok, I need to name them after someone crazy, I guess my wife." Me: "so you are going to have a crazy wife?" E: "well, yeah, how else are we going to have a legacy?" Wow. "It will be a very great legacy of Ethan's and ......name here." Oh my goodness. Serious joy in my children. He then started talking about his "crazy" legacy and how we was going to need to start throwing chairs out of window. This made me tell him that that would ruin my legacy and so there would be none of that. He then conceded to have a beautiful *swish, swish* (hair wiping back and forth) legacy. Alrighty then.
Often times I brush my kids aside when they want to tell me stuff like this because I don't have time, but when I take the time to listen to them I find that they are really enjoyable and lovable and hilarious!
While helping my friend for a week, I did take one moment of selfish time. I really, really wanted to go through a session at the Gilbert temple. I couldn't be that close and not go. Jo couldn't come with me because her recumbent expired, I tried to get her to fix that while I was there, but it didn't happen.
After I finished my recharging of the batteries session, I decided to take a little "selfie" to document that I was there.
First up, the dream I had about the fire. I am trying to finish up my study of the Doctrine and Covenants before the school year starts.......and I start teaching Seminary.......on the Doctrine and Covenants.....super excited....this deserves it's own post as well. Anyway, remember the fire? The embers? The destruction and hopelessness? Well, I came across section 123: 11-17
The other cool thing I came across fits into me talking about my achilles heel. Remember? The movie that about did me in? I know you're going to be surprised with this (my family has started rolling their eyes every time I mention his name)..... but, while I was reading.....Elder Bednar's book, "Power to Become," I came across a quote from Elder Maxwell
"Even yesterday's spiritual experience, however, does not guarantee us against tomorrow's relapse. Persistence thus matters greatly. More than a few, for instance, have had supernal., spiritual experiences only to fall away later; or more often, merely to pull off to the side of the road, though only intending a brief rest stop.
Hence, the emphasis on enduring well to the end is wise, simply because we are at risk till the end! By enduring well all along the way we can, for example, have felicity amid poverty and gratitude without plentitude. We can even have meekness amid injustice. One never sees the 'root of bitterness springing up' in enduring disciples."
Oh how I miss Elder Maxwell. If only I had command of the English language that he had.... I recently realized that I need an editor if I have any hope of ever writing out my thoughts in a way that is easy to understand. What I think makes sense and what actually does, are two very different things.....If only I could talk my husband into the job....Until then, hopefully the expression of my heart make enough sense to be meaningful and helpful in some small way. I'm trying to raise up my Ebenezer - a commemoration of divine assistance.
The nice little wrap up? If you take the time to, first - have questions, then take the time to ponder and study them out, great and marvelous things will be revealed to you. If you take the time to listen to inspiration and then act on it, even though you can't figure out why, great things will happen. Also, if you take the time to listen to your children, they can not only bring you everlasting joy, but their true natures and talents will be revealed to you and you can figure out how best to help them become who they were born to be....which is sons and daughters of God, crowned with glory.
I'll start for the reason we were in AZ - these 3.
Luckily, the year before my friend brought up a girl from her ward that was going to try and walk on because the session was sold out. I watched the process up close and knew that it was something that could be pulled off. Remembering this gave me the confidence to proceed with faith. Worse case scenario, Danika had to spend the week with me in Phoenix if we couldn't get her in. Long story short and nerves worn a bit thin....drop off for my 2 was at 11 and we had to wait until 1 to start the process of trying to get her in. By 2, I had her up in her room and her counselor and group tracked down, a hug and wish for good luck, and I was finally off for my 3 hour drive to Phoenix with the 2 little ones.
So, had I have acted when I first knew this was something that I needed to do, we could have avoided the anxiety of walking on. I was worried about a "return on my investment" when I should have just trusted. By that I mean, I was worried that the experience that I was hoping my niece would have, she wouldn't be ready for or committed to. The drive home proved to me that it wasn't waisted when she said "everyone talks about how it will change your life and I didn't know what they meant or how that was possible, but it totally changed my life. I had no idea how spiritual it would be or how much I would feel the spirit and have my testimony grow." I would call that an excellent return on my investment because I'm investing in people. It was also a lesson in taking leap of faith which may have made the event more important because of the work it took to make it happen.
The coolest thing was the discussion I had with my son on identifying the spirit. He is my scientist and is vehement about your heart not being able to "feel." We had a great discussion about how his heart "hurt" 3 times while he was there and I asked him questions about it that let him draw his own conclusions instead of me telling him anything. It was seriously cool. We also talked about taking a leap of faith. I had asked him to take the time while he was there to figure out if it was the right time to get his patriarchal blessing. We talked about how you know and interpreting feelings. After talking about not being able to figure if he should, we moved onto why he shouldn't get one. Since we couldn't think of any reasons not too, I asked him to take a leap of faith and take the steps towards getting it. I then promised that the Lord would back up those actions with the feeling he was looking for. Bold and daring on my part, but I'm confident that the Lord knows exactly what Jared needs to know he is aware of him and guiding him.
When you start learning more about the gospel, you start getting more excited and you want everyone to know what you know - the natural extension of that is to tell everyone what you know. Well, that isn't very effective, but it's the most instinctive process we know. The true teacher, teaches someone to figure things out themselves. The steps they need to take to figure it out. It's hard to do and takes a serious amount of restraint, but when you can see it working, there is no experience like it.
The next thing I learned while I was in the shower one morning while at my friends house. I'm not sure the catalyst of the thought, but I found myself wondering about my path. I think I was thinking about how hard the week had been so far. This brought to my mind thoughts about a cousin that I say, "how is it that she is living my life, I wanted to be doing that, why can't I find a way to do that?" Her family recently went to Mexico and built a house for a family in need there. I've always dreamt of doing service vacations with my family. It has just never found a way into my life. While I was shaving my legs, a thought hit me like thunder - you are on a service vacation with your family right now! The next thought I had was, "holy crap, you're right, I've been so blind." The last time we went out to my friends house we called it "operation rescue, Jo." This time we were going out so that I could not only rescue her sanity, but help her with some projects around her house.
Wanna see? I'll dedicate an entire post to the project, but most of the time was spent dealing with daily life... My friend is a saint. She adopted 4 babies that were addicted to crack when they were born and they all have the same mother. Their mother is still popping out the babies. She has had 3 more since Ben, who is 3, and she is pregnant again. All 4 of the kids have behavioral problems. It is mentally exhausting fighting those battles all day long and trying to get anything done around the house. My friend expressed to me that our relationship is great because I knew her before all the kids or as she refers to it - before she was crazy. She actually had a vt tell her "if you need anything, let me know - except watch your kids." My heart aches for her and the stage of life she is in - the constant state of drowning that she experiences. We were there to help carry the burden and take on a project that would add happiness to her life.
Why do I tell you this? Because often times we are being disciples of Christ. We are doing exactly what He wants us to be doing, but it seems too small and simple, not grand and great - so, we put it in the "doesn't count" category of life. Here's where I remind myself of the scripture "by small and simple things are great things come to pass.." Alma 37:6. It also reminds me of the Women's conference (either last time or the time before) where the theme was covenants. One talk specifically was about pointing out and reminding each other when we are keeping our covenants so that we gain confidence to keep more covenants because we know that we are capable. It's making those connections to what we know and what we do, to become who we are supposed to be.
Ok, next up was taking small moments and enjoying them. I mean really enjoying them. Getting all sappy about life. I'll share a couple of my favorite moments that made my heart swell with joy in my children.
We were getting a bit bored on the way to flagstaff so I decided to get all crazy and use up a bunch of data to listen to Pandora - so we could listen to the Disney channel. We spent 2 hours belting out all our favorite Disney movie songs. Emma was being hysterical because she kept saying "oooohhhh, I love this song, it hits me right in the childhood." She said that every song. It was great fun and we still were able to keep the Sabbath by listening to uplifting music that didn't put the driver to sleep.
Ethan was being a joy the entire trip. From making a pretty sweet breakfast at the hotel, to the countless other things he did.
We had crazy sheet drama at the hotel when I didn't have a top sheet to give to Jared so that he could sleep on the couch. Ethan was sleeping on the other end of the couch on the top sheet. I looked at the bottom sheet trying to make lemonade out of lemons and told Jared to use the sheet as a cocoon. Well, Jared thought it was awesome and made it more into him working at Sandia labs, which made Ethan crazy jealous. Seriously this is what we fight over, sheets?
My heart smiled many times as I watched Ethan and Jordyn being so helpful without being asked by me. They were being so kind to the little kids and making sure they were entertained and happy. One night Jo and I escaped for a couple hours to get dinner, so I brought back some treats for Ethan and Jordyn. Ethan loved playing with the pioneer hats while we were in Nauvoo, so I when I saw this hat, I had to get it for him - especially since it was only 4.99.
"I'm a little pioneer boy
That's right
Got my pioneer manners
Hello Ma'am
I walked many miles from place to place
But I kept on walking far and far
and I kept my spirit good and high
I'm a little pioneer boy
that's right"
I mean, come on! Major heart smile on that one. Oh and I almost forgot about his latest and greatest plan - to have a legacy. Yep, that's right, a legacy. How will he go about a legacy? By naming all of his boys Ethan. Then when asked about his girls he said "ok, I need to name them after someone crazy, I guess my wife." Me: "so you are going to have a crazy wife?" E: "well, yeah, how else are we going to have a legacy?" Wow. "It will be a very great legacy of Ethan's and ......name here." Oh my goodness. Serious joy in my children. He then started talking about his "crazy" legacy and how we was going to need to start throwing chairs out of window. This made me tell him that that would ruin my legacy and so there would be none of that. He then conceded to have a beautiful *swish, swish* (hair wiping back and forth) legacy. Alrighty then.
Often times I brush my kids aside when they want to tell me stuff like this because I don't have time, but when I take the time to listen to them I find that they are really enjoyable and lovable and hilarious!
While helping my friend for a week, I did take one moment of selfish time. I really, really wanted to go through a session at the Gilbert temple. I couldn't be that close and not go. Jo couldn't come with me because her recumbent expired, I tried to get her to fix that while I was there, but it didn't happen.
After I finished my recharging of the batteries session, I decided to take a little "selfie" to document that I was there.
I tell you about this trip because my husband received inspiration on my behalf before I ever even left his side. He made the point to tell me 2 or 3 times that he was giving me the spare car key in case something happened. He had to tell me at least that many times because he knows when I am focused on something, I don't listen very well. He really has never sent me with an extra key before. I thought, what could happen, but if you want me to take the key, I will....and then I forgot about it.
I had a great session in the temple and walked back out to my car in the blistering heat - it was still morning. I decided to turn my car on remotely and then go back and snap a picture. Well, I decided that I didn't want to carry anything with me but my phone so I threw my stuff on the seat (including the keys) shut the door and walked back toward the temple. I discovered that it was simply too hard to get a selfie with enough of the temple showing without growing longer arms, so I gave up. As I walked back to my car 2 ladies stopped me and asked about my skirt. They loved it and couldn't believe that I had gotten it at target. It was a fun exchange and I reminded myself that I need to do that more for others because it feels so good.
When I arrived at my car.......it was running and nice and cool inside....along with my keys and locked doors. Holy crap, I really just locked my keys inside my car so I could take a "selfie." What the heck was I going to do now. How embarrassing. As I was trying to formulate a plan I suddenly remembered I had an extra key. I couldn't remember where he put it so I crossed my fingers and called his cell phone knowing that the likelihood of him answering were slim. Hallelujah, he answered and told me where to find the key. He was kind and tried to blame the stupid car for locking me out, but it was my dumb blonde move that did it and not the car. I thanked him for his inspiration and called my friend to bail me out of my mess. Luckily she lives 10 minutes from the temple and luckily my husband listened to the promoting he had to send and extra key with me. This little situation provided my friend with lots of entertainment for the rest of the trip. She kept teasing me about my selfie. It was definitely tease worthy.
The last 2 bits of inspiration I had, while taking the time to listen, came while lying on an air mattress in the loft of my friends house. I didn't have much time to get in any reading before all the little munchkins awoke and started jumping on the bed. In both instances it was receiving more knowledge on a subject that I recently talked about - or a dream I recently had.
First up, the dream I had about the fire. I am trying to finish up my study of the Doctrine and Covenants before the school year starts.......and I start teaching Seminary.......on the Doctrine and Covenants.....super excited....this deserves it's own post as well. Anyway, remember the fire? The embers? The destruction and hopelessness? Well, I came across section 123: 11-17
11 And also it is an imperative duty that we owe to all the rising generation, and to all the pure in heart—
12 For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it—
13 Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven—
15 Let no man count them as small things; for there is much which lieth in futurity, pertaining to the saints, which depends upon these things.
16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.
17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.
I'm going to just leave it at that and say, super cool. The Lord knows me and loves me and is teaching me every day of my life. The other cool thing I came across fits into me talking about my achilles heel. Remember? The movie that about did me in? I know you're going to be surprised with this (my family has started rolling their eyes every time I mention his name)..... but, while I was reading.....Elder Bednar's book, "Power to Become," I came across a quote from Elder Maxwell
"Even yesterday's spiritual experience, however, does not guarantee us against tomorrow's relapse. Persistence thus matters greatly. More than a few, for instance, have had supernal., spiritual experiences only to fall away later; or more often, merely to pull off to the side of the road, though only intending a brief rest stop.
Hence, the emphasis on enduring well to the end is wise, simply because we are at risk till the end! By enduring well all along the way we can, for example, have felicity amid poverty and gratitude without plentitude. We can even have meekness amid injustice. One never sees the 'root of bitterness springing up' in enduring disciples."
Oh how I miss Elder Maxwell. If only I had command of the English language that he had.... I recently realized that I need an editor if I have any hope of ever writing out my thoughts in a way that is easy to understand. What I think makes sense and what actually does, are two very different things.....If only I could talk my husband into the job....Until then, hopefully the expression of my heart make enough sense to be meaningful and helpful in some small way. I'm trying to raise up my Ebenezer - a commemoration of divine assistance.
The nice little wrap up? If you take the time to, first - have questions, then take the time to ponder and study them out, great and marvelous things will be revealed to you. If you take the time to listen to inspiration and then act on it, even though you can't figure out why, great things will happen. Also, if you take the time to listen to your children, they can not only bring you everlasting joy, but their true natures and talents will be revealed to you and you can figure out how best to help them become who they were born to be....which is sons and daughters of God, crowned with glory.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Burning Houses
I had one of those "brain dump" dreams last night. It isn't all that often when I awake from a dream with almost perfect recall of what I dreamt. This morning I had perfect recall and I had a perfect knowledge of why I had such a dream.
Before I get to the dream, I will tell you about an exciting experience I had while in the temple yesterday. I was in the process of sealing families together when there was a strange, loud noise - which does not happen in the temple. The temple is void of noise. Well, after a minute to adjust to the unexpected disturbance we realized that it was the fire alarm - especially when the woman's voice came over the intercom telling us to stay where we were. It was rather exciting and I'm not sure it ever happened before. At least not to anyone that was there. We opened the door and waited for further instruction. It was also a good time to go over the evacuation procedures and practice remaining calm.
Because we weren't performing any work at this point, we were left to chat and speculate. Here's what I bring to the party in a situation like that. "Well, we're dressed and ready to go." One of the other guys that I'm there frequently with said, "I would want my wife here with me too though." I then said "forget that, every man for himself, I'm going!" My husband teased me when I got home and told him about it and he said, "see, I knew you wouldn't wait for me." Ah, good times.
Everything was fine, the poor kitchen lady had set off the smoke detector. It was quite the ordeal for about an hour. She felt horrible. We had a good laugh about it in the cafeteria after everything settled down. She said, "well, I finally have something exciting to write to my missionary."
Not only was it exciting, but I learned some things about procedures and it also left time for us to chat about stuff with the sealer. It was actually one of my most favorite days spent in the temple.
So, what did that have to do with my dream you say? I had a dream that my house or a house was burning down. It wasn't a house that I was familiar with and it had a bunch of people either living in it or that it belonged to or that I thought should care about it.
This fire started and it was really small at first. I thought, no big deal, I will just put it out. So, I did and then walked away. When I looked back an even bigger fire had started. I was confused as to how that was possible and a bit frightened. I set about putting out the next fire, which was much bigger than the last. Again, thought I had it put out and all of a sudden there was a fire blazing. I realized at that point that I had been putting the flames out, but there were embers still burning that I was unaware of when I thought it was extinguished. I saw a little opening in a wall and saw the embers hiding there. I realized that I needed to get to the hidden places to get this fire out. I needed to open up the wall. By this point things were getting out of control. I was beginning to get upset that there were so many other people around and I was the only one trying to figure this out. Finding all the embers by myself and fighting this fire by myself was too hard. I remember thinking that I wish I knew what a fireman knew because he would know how to put this out and wouldn't be tricked by thinking the fire was out when it wasn't.
I started feeling hopeless because the task was too overwhelming and the fire was quicker than me. A couple of people (my family among them) did join in and I put them to work, but there were others still not helping. I was still focusing on the damage instead of how to defeat the fire. I was beginning to wonder if the house was worth saving. There was so much damage.
After my moment of fear and defeat passed, I decided to just get back to work and give it everything I've got. I would hunt down all those embers and extinguish them so that the fire could be stopped.
That's were the dream ends. I have no idea what the outcome was. All I know is that I had a fire alarm go off in the temple yesterday. I have been thinking and talking about my level of commitment. I talked about noticing some standing around letting others do the work while at girls camp. I've talked about the world being in a death spiral of morality right now. I've talked about Elder Holland talking about our houses being desolate. Put all that stuff together and voila, it makes this dream.
It is pretty amazing what the brain can do while we are sleeping. Through a dream your resolve to do what's right, no matter the cost or who is with you, can be strengthened.
Before I get to the dream, I will tell you about an exciting experience I had while in the temple yesterday. I was in the process of sealing families together when there was a strange, loud noise - which does not happen in the temple. The temple is void of noise. Well, after a minute to adjust to the unexpected disturbance we realized that it was the fire alarm - especially when the woman's voice came over the intercom telling us to stay where we were. It was rather exciting and I'm not sure it ever happened before. At least not to anyone that was there. We opened the door and waited for further instruction. It was also a good time to go over the evacuation procedures and practice remaining calm.
Because we weren't performing any work at this point, we were left to chat and speculate. Here's what I bring to the party in a situation like that. "Well, we're dressed and ready to go." One of the other guys that I'm there frequently with said, "I would want my wife here with me too though." I then said "forget that, every man for himself, I'm going!" My husband teased me when I got home and told him about it and he said, "see, I knew you wouldn't wait for me." Ah, good times.
Everything was fine, the poor kitchen lady had set off the smoke detector. It was quite the ordeal for about an hour. She felt horrible. We had a good laugh about it in the cafeteria after everything settled down. She said, "well, I finally have something exciting to write to my missionary."
Not only was it exciting, but I learned some things about procedures and it also left time for us to chat about stuff with the sealer. It was actually one of my most favorite days spent in the temple.
So, what did that have to do with my dream you say? I had a dream that my house or a house was burning down. It wasn't a house that I was familiar with and it had a bunch of people either living in it or that it belonged to or that I thought should care about it.
This fire started and it was really small at first. I thought, no big deal, I will just put it out. So, I did and then walked away. When I looked back an even bigger fire had started. I was confused as to how that was possible and a bit frightened. I set about putting out the next fire, which was much bigger than the last. Again, thought I had it put out and all of a sudden there was a fire blazing. I realized at that point that I had been putting the flames out, but there were embers still burning that I was unaware of when I thought it was extinguished. I saw a little opening in a wall and saw the embers hiding there. I realized that I needed to get to the hidden places to get this fire out. I needed to open up the wall. By this point things were getting out of control. I was beginning to get upset that there were so many other people around and I was the only one trying to figure this out. Finding all the embers by myself and fighting this fire by myself was too hard. I remember thinking that I wish I knew what a fireman knew because he would know how to put this out and wouldn't be tricked by thinking the fire was out when it wasn't.
I started feeling hopeless because the task was too overwhelming and the fire was quicker than me. A couple of people (my family among them) did join in and I put them to work, but there were others still not helping. I was still focusing on the damage instead of how to defeat the fire. I was beginning to wonder if the house was worth saving. There was so much damage.
After my moment of fear and defeat passed, I decided to just get back to work and give it everything I've got. I would hunt down all those embers and extinguish them so that the fire could be stopped.
That's were the dream ends. I have no idea what the outcome was. All I know is that I had a fire alarm go off in the temple yesterday. I have been thinking and talking about my level of commitment. I talked about noticing some standing around letting others do the work while at girls camp. I've talked about the world being in a death spiral of morality right now. I've talked about Elder Holland talking about our houses being desolate. Put all that stuff together and voila, it makes this dream.
It is pretty amazing what the brain can do while we are sleeping. Through a dream your resolve to do what's right, no matter the cost or who is with you, can be strengthened.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Advertising Work Party
Tuesday night we went and did one of my favorite things......attended a baseball game. Ok, so I hate baseball games - unless my kids are playing - even then it's not that great. But, it's the local thing to do and Nate's staff wanted to go. We all put on our marketing t-shirts and went to have some highly overpriced fun. It was the annual 50 cent hot dog night, so the gouging was minimized. I think our marketing person, Lori, figured that we ate something like 156 hot dogs between all of us that night. You can see a handful of hotdogs above our heads :0)
We actually had people asking for our business cards and we just told them to photograph our shirts. Someone asked if there was a foot convention. Nope, just our office having fun together.
The kids have been playing with their cousins a ton this summer, so of course they were there too.
One of the funniest parts of the night was trying to get a picture of Jared. He wouldn't even let our marketing person take pictures of him. Well, she loves a challenge so it became her mission. At the end of the night when all hope seemed lost because he kept catching her tricky moves, she enlisted the help of her daughter. Her daughter is in the forefront taking a selfie so she could capture Jared. The sneaky selfie works every time - unless you get caught ;0) Lori is in the top left. She had so much fun teasing him with that picture and told him that next time he should just pose for one because this is the kind of picture you get when you don't. In Jared's defense, you can't let all that powdered sugar goodness that falls off your funnel cake go to waste!
Speaking of sneaky selfies, my niece wanted me to go back out and pretend to take another picture of our group, but instead take a picture of some cute boys. I told her no way because they were hooligans. She didn't know what a hooligan was. Gee, am I old or something? I told her to chill it with the bad boy thing. Bad boys are just that, bad boys. Which I'm sure just made them that much more attractive. Oh, silly girls, when will we learn?
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