Thank You's That Aren't Thank You's

Ok, now, I know this is going to sound petty and completely unspiritual and perhaps a bit childish.  But, hey.  I'm human.  

I listened to a talk at a TOFW a few years ago by a psychologist, who is also a member of the church and she talked about proper apologies.  It was all about the power of a proper apology.  If you are going to have a proper one, you need to know what isn't.  She went through all the ways we ruin apologies.  You know, when you turn your apology into, "I'm sorry, but...."  Then we fill it in with things like, "You made me do it.   If you weren't so sensitive.   You took it the wrong way.  Or, the classic - well, I guess I'm just the worlds worst person.  All those just cancel out anything you said previously that you are hoping will make the situation better while at the same time saving your own pride.  

This is when you start getting ticked off when the other person doesn't act like they have forgiven you and you start in with things like, "I said I was sorry.  Gee, how many times do you want me to apologize.  Are you going to hold that against me forever."  The truth of the matter is that they haven't forgiven you because they didn't believe the apology and they didn't get the validation that they needed from it to move on and trust you again.  

Now, I realize that I'm about to talk about "thank you's" and not apologies, but I believe the same principles apply.

Well, before I left for AZ I went and visited with someone.  I knew that this person hated me for no other reason than I exist.  She is the kind of person that gets offended for crazy reasons.  An exaggerated example would be me saying something like "How are you today?"  This person is so crazy that they would say something like "why on earth would you ask me a question like that.  Do I look like something is wrong.  How could you be so insensitive as to ask me something like that."  

Now that is an exaggeration, but not by much.  She is the kind of person that gets offended and stops coming to church while claiming that it wasn't because she was offended...but then listing all the ways she was offended.  Drama.  Major drama.  I'll leave it there.  

I have offended this woman on a couple of occasions and she does not like me - even a little.  Well, I needed to visit someone else that lived in her home that needed to know that I loved them.  I put my big girl britches on and went over there in spite of the feelings.  Things appeared to be going well....dun dun dun

Until I returned home from AZ and found a thank you note that was in the mail.  Guess what?  I managed to say something offensive again.  It is comical what she thought was offensive this time.    

It reminded me of the Studio C comedy sketch about the christmas cards.  You know where you are sugary sweet nice upfront and then lay out how the person sucks and then end all sugar sweet again.  Oh yeah, got me one of those.  The only thing is - homey don't play that. (oh yeah, I really did just use that) I am not about to send off a thank you for the thank you with a - ps they make medication for what you have - not in a snarky way, in a seriously, for reals, please take some medication, way.  It truly must be exhausting to get so worked up all the time and it also must be a wretched world to live in.  

What did I do instead of sending a snarky letter?  I burned hers.  Yep, I got out the lighter and set the thing ablaze.  The only problem was that I couldn't get the blasted thing to catch fire.  My husband came out back where I was throwing a burning party for one and took pity on my sorry attempt at burning this person out of my life and lit it for me.    Thanks baby.

  That was my lovely little welcome home. 

So, if you ever feel so inclined to send me a thank you that really isn't a thank you ....save yourself the paper and the postage, because I will just burn it.