While I Was Listening

I've got a little hodge podge of inspiration that I received while I was on vacation in AZ.  Some of it occurred while in the shower, some while I was trying to squeeze in some scripture study while laying on the air mattress in the playroom before the chaos descended, and some occurred while I was trying to focus on what matters.

I'll start for the reason we were in AZ - these 3.

It was a trip to drop off my 2 oldest and their cousin at EFY in Flagstaff.  Here's a little story about what happens when you try to brush off inspiration.  I had the wild and crazy thought that I needed to offer a "scholarship" to my niece to attend EFY.  There was no way she could have gone without it.  My problem, well there is a long history here.  I had the thought and then decided that I wasn't sure I was that generous of a person because of the history.  It kept nagging me, so after I had forked over the truck load of cash for my 2 kids, I broached the subject with my nieces parents.  Here is the problem, by then all the tickets had been sold.  Oh boy, I just got everyone stoked for an adventure and now I couldn't deliver.

Luckily, the year before my friend brought up a girl from her ward that was going to try and walk on because the session was sold out.  I watched the process up close and knew that it was something that could be pulled off.  Remembering this gave me the confidence to proceed with faith.  Worse case scenario, Danika had to spend the week with me in Phoenix if we couldn't get her in.  Long story short and nerves worn a bit thin....drop off for my 2 was at 11 and we had to wait until 1 to start the process of trying to get her in.  By 2, I had her up in her room and her counselor and group tracked down, a hug and wish for good luck, and I was finally off for my 3 hour drive to Phoenix with the 2 little ones.

So, had I have acted when I first knew this was something that I needed to do, we could have avoided the anxiety of walking on.  I was worried about a "return on my investment" when I should have just trusted.  By that I mean, I was worried that the experience that I was hoping my niece would have, she wouldn't be ready for or committed to.  The drive home proved to me that it wasn't waisted when she said "everyone talks about how it will change your life and I didn't know what they meant or how that was possible, but it totally changed my life.  I had no idea how spiritual it would be or how much I would feel the spirit and have my testimony grow."  I would call that an excellent return on my investment because I'm investing in people.  It was also a lesson in taking leap of faith which may have made the event more important because of the work it took to make it happen.

The ride home is by far my favorite part of my annual trip to Flagstaff.  Emma just continues to impress me with her maturity in the gospel.  The things she talked about and told me were incredible. This time her focus was on learning how to share the gospel with others.  How to tell someone about baptism etc and she found that her testimony was strengthened while she was learning how to teach.  She also made some " possible commitments." I was working hard on my Elder B techniques and asked her how she could take her commitments from "possible" to "for sure" and let her come up with her own plan instead of me telling her how to do it.  I spent the car ride practicing how to ask questions that helped the kids tell me what happened while again testifying to themselves about what they learned and how to apply it.

The coolest thing was the discussion I had with my son on identifying the spirit.  He is my scientist and is vehement about your heart not being able to "feel."  We had a great discussion about how his heart "hurt" 3 times while he was there and I asked him questions about it that let him draw his own conclusions instead of me telling him anything.  It was seriously cool.  We also talked about taking a leap of faith.  I had asked him to take the time while he was there to figure out if it was the right time to get his patriarchal blessing.  We talked about how you know and interpreting feelings.  After talking about not being able to figure if he should,  we moved onto why he shouldn't get one.  Since we couldn't think of any reasons not too, I asked him to take a leap of faith and take the steps towards getting it.  I then promised that the Lord would back up those actions with the feeling he was looking for.  Bold and daring on my part, but I'm confident that the Lord knows exactly what Jared needs to know he is aware of him and guiding him.

When you start learning more about the gospel, you start getting more excited and you want everyone to know what you know - the natural extension of that is to tell everyone what you know.  Well, that isn't very effective, but it's the most instinctive process we know.  The true teacher, teaches someone to figure things out themselves.  The steps they need to take to figure it out.  It's hard to do and takes a serious amount of restraint, but when you can see it working, there is no experience like it.

The next thing I learned while I was in the shower one morning while at my friends house.  I'm not sure the catalyst of the thought, but I found myself wondering about my path.  I think I was thinking about how hard the week had been so far.  This brought to my mind thoughts about a cousin that I say, "how is it that she is living my life, I wanted to be doing that, why can't I find a way to do that?"  Her family recently went to Mexico and built a house for a family in need there.  I've always dreamt of doing service vacations with my family.  It has just never found a way into my life.  While I was shaving my legs, a thought hit me like thunder - you are on a service vacation with your family right now!  The next thought I had was, "holy crap, you're right, I've been so blind."  The last time we went out to my friends house we called it "operation rescue, Jo." This time we were going out so that I could not only rescue her sanity, but help her with some projects around her house.

Wanna see?  I'll dedicate an entire post to the project, but most of the time was spent dealing with daily life...  My friend is a saint.  She adopted 4 babies that were addicted to crack when they were born and they all have the same mother.  Their mother is still popping out the babies.  She has had 3 more since Ben, who is 3, and she is pregnant again.  All 4 of the kids have behavioral problems.  It is mentally exhausting fighting those battles all day long and trying to get anything done around the house.  My friend expressed to me that our relationship is great because I knew her before all the kids or as she refers to it - before she was crazy.  She actually had a vt tell her "if you need anything, let me know - except watch your kids."  My heart aches for her and the stage of life she is in - the constant state of drowning that she experiences.  We were there to help carry the burden and take on a project that would add happiness to her life.

Why do I tell you this?  Because often times we are being disciples of Christ.  We are doing exactly what He wants us to be doing, but it seems too small and simple, not grand and great - so, we put it in the "doesn't count" category of life.  Here's where I remind myself of the scripture "by small and simple things are great things come to pass.." Alma 37:6.  It also reminds me of the Women's conference (either last time or the time before) where the theme was covenants.  One talk specifically was about pointing out and reminding each other when we are keeping our covenants so that we gain confidence to keep more covenants because we know that we are capable.  It's making those connections to what we know and what we do, to become who we are supposed to be.

Ok, next up was taking small moments and enjoying them.  I mean really enjoying them.  Getting all sappy about life.  I'll share a couple of my favorite moments that made my heart swell with joy in my children.

We were getting a bit bored on the way to flagstaff so I decided to get all crazy and use up a bunch of data to listen to Pandora - so we could listen to the Disney channel.  We spent 2 hours belting out all our favorite Disney movie songs.  Emma was being hysterical because she kept saying "oooohhhh, I love this song, it hits me right in the childhood."  She said that every song.  It was great fun and we still were able to keep the Sabbath by listening to uplifting music that didn't put the driver to sleep.

Ethan was being a joy the entire trip.  From making a pretty sweet breakfast at the hotel, to the countless other things he did.

He heated up a bagel, put Nutella on it and sliced up a banana to top it off.  Delish!

We had crazy sheet drama at the hotel when I didn't have a top sheet to give to Jared so that he could sleep on the couch.  Ethan was sleeping on the other end of the couch on the top sheet.  I looked at the bottom sheet trying to make lemonade out of lemons and told Jared to use the sheet as a cocoon.  Well, Jared thought it was awesome and made it more into him working at Sandia labs, which made Ethan crazy jealous.  Seriously this is what we fight over, sheets?

I couldn't decide between making Ethan suffer, because he does this all the time, and getting him the stupid sheet.  He doesn't want something or thinks he has the better thing until his brother comes along and enjoys something else and then all of a sudden, Ethan now needs that too.  We had to call down to the desk and ask for more sheets to be brought up and then we had to call again an hour later when we still hadn't received them.  He was pretty stoked about being able to curl up in a fitted sheet.  Who knew a sheet could bring such joy, especially when it was first perceived as the crappy option.  When you make lemonade out of lemons - others will follow.

My heart smiled many times as I watched Ethan and Jordyn being so helpful without being asked by me.  They were being so kind to the little kids and making sure they were entertained and happy.  One night Jo and I escaped for a couple hours to get dinner, so I brought back some treats for Ethan and Jordyn.  Ethan loved playing with the pioneer hats while we were in Nauvoo, so I when I saw this hat, I had to get it for him - especially since it was only 4.99.

He loved the hat so much that within 5 minutes of him wearing it, he had a song.
"I'm a little pioneer boy
That's right
Got my pioneer manners
Hello Ma'am
I walked many miles from place to place
But I kept on walking far and far
and I kept my spirit good and high
I'm a little pioneer boy
that's right"

I mean, come on!  Major heart smile on that one.  Oh and I almost forgot about his latest and greatest plan - to have a legacy.  Yep, that's right, a legacy.  How will he go about a legacy?  By naming all of his boys Ethan.  Then when asked about his girls he said "ok, I need to name them after someone crazy, I guess my wife."  Me: "so you are going to have a crazy wife?" E: "well, yeah, how else are we going to have a legacy?" Wow.  "It will be a very great legacy of Ethan's and ......name here."  Oh my goodness.  Serious joy in my children.  He then started talking about his "crazy" legacy and how we was going to need to start throwing chairs out of window.  This made me tell him that that would ruin my legacy and so there would be none of that.  He then conceded to have a beautiful *swish, swish* (hair wiping back and forth) legacy.  Alrighty then.

Often times I brush my kids aside when they want to tell me stuff like this because I don't have time, but when I take the time to listen to them I find that they are really enjoyable and lovable and hilarious!

While helping my friend for a week, I did take one moment of selfish time.  I really, really wanted to go through a session at the Gilbert temple.  I couldn't be that close and not go.  Jo couldn't come with me because her recumbent expired, I tried to get her to fix that while I was there, but it didn't happen.
After I finished my recharging of the batteries session, I decided to take a little "selfie" to document that I was there.

I tell you about this trip because my husband received inspiration on my behalf before I ever even left his side.  He made the point to tell me 2 or 3 times that he was giving me the spare car key in case something happened.  He had to tell me at least that many times because he knows when I am focused on something, I don't listen very well.  He really has never sent me with an extra key before.  I thought, what could happen, but if you want me to take the key, I will....and then I forgot about it.  

I had a great session in the temple and walked back out to my car in the blistering heat - it was still morning.  I decided to turn my car on remotely and then go back and snap a picture.  Well, I decided that I didn't want to carry anything with me but my phone so I threw my stuff on the seat (including the keys) shut the door and walked back toward the temple.  I discovered that it was simply too hard to get a selfie with enough of the temple showing without growing longer arms, so I gave up.  As I walked back to my car 2 ladies stopped me and asked about my skirt.  They loved it and couldn't believe that I had gotten it at target.  It was a fun exchange and I reminded myself that I need to do that more for others because it feels so good.  

When I arrived at my car.......it was running and nice and cool inside....along with my keys and locked doors.  Holy crap, I really just locked my keys inside my car so I could take a "selfie."  What the heck was I going to do now.  How embarrassing.  As I was trying to formulate a plan I suddenly remembered I had an extra key.  I couldn't remember where he put it so I crossed my fingers and called his cell phone knowing that the likelihood of him answering were slim.  Hallelujah, he answered and told me where to find the key.  He was kind and tried to blame the stupid car for locking me out, but it was my dumb blonde move that did it and not the car.  I thanked him for his inspiration and called my friend to bail me out of my mess.  Luckily she lives 10 minutes from the temple and luckily my husband listened to the promoting he had to send and extra key with me.  This little situation provided my friend with lots of entertainment for the rest of the trip.  She kept teasing me about my selfie.  It was definitely tease worthy.

The last 2 bits of inspiration I had, while taking the time to listen, came while lying on an air mattress in the loft of my friends house.  I didn't have much time to get in any reading before all the little munchkins awoke and started jumping on the bed.   In both instances it was receiving more knowledge on a subject that I recently talked about - or a dream I recently had.

First up, the dream I had about the fire.  I am trying to finish up my study of the Doctrine and Covenants before the school year starts.......and I start teaching Seminary.......on the Doctrine and Covenants.....super excited....this deserves it's own post as well.  Anyway, remember the fire?  The embers?  The destruction and hopelessness?  Well, I came across section 123: 11-17

11 And also it is an imperative duty that we owe to all the rising generation, and to all the pure in heart—

 12 For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it—

 13 Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven—

 14 These should then be attended to with great earnestness.

 15 Let no man count them as small things; for there is much which lieth in futurity, pertaining to the saints, which depends upon these things.

 16 You know, brethren, that a very large ship is benefited very much by a very small helm in the time of a storm, by being kept workways with the wind and the waves.

 17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

I'm going to just leave it at that and say, super cool.  The Lord knows me and loves me and is teaching me every day of my life.

The other cool thing I came across fits into me talking about my achilles heel.  Remember?  The movie that about did me in?  I know you're going to be surprised with this (my family has started rolling their eyes every time I mention his name)..... but, while I was reading.....Elder Bednar's book, "Power to Become,"  I came across a quote from Elder Maxwell

"Even yesterday's spiritual experience, however, does not guarantee us against tomorrow's relapse.  Persistence thus matters greatly.  More than a few, for instance, have had supernal., spiritual experiences only to fall away later; or more often, merely to pull off to the side of the road, though only intending a brief rest stop.

Hence, the emphasis on enduring well to the end is wise, simply because we are at risk till the end!  By enduring well all along the way we can, for example, have felicity amid poverty and gratitude without plentitude.  We can even have meekness amid injustice.  One never sees the 'root of bitterness springing up' in enduring disciples."    

Oh how I miss Elder Maxwell.  If only I had command of the English language that he had....  I recently realized that I need an editor if I have any hope of ever writing out my thoughts in a way that is easy to understand.  What I think makes sense and what actually does, are two very different things.....If only I could talk my husband into the job....Until then, hopefully the expression of my heart make enough sense to be meaningful and helpful in some small way.  I'm trying to raise up my Ebenezer - a commemoration of divine assistance.

The nice little wrap up?  If you take the time to, first - have questions, then take the time to ponder and study them out, great and marvelous things will be revealed to you.  If you take the time to listen to inspiration and then act on it, even though you can't figure out why, great things will happen.  Also, if you take the time to listen to your children, they can not only bring you everlasting joy, but their true natures and talents will be revealed to you and you can figure out how best to help them become who they were born to be....which is sons and daughters of God, crowned with glory.