On Fridays, I'm "Jordyn's Mom"

Last week was supposed to be my first week in Jordyn's class as a volunteer.  The teacher had to cancel because she wasn't going to be in the class.  I thought she probably just got wet feet and realized what she had done.  Not the case.  I got to go in today and enjoyed myself.  The students call me "Jordyn's mom" instead of my name, which I love.  My goal when I'm volunteering in the class is to make everyone feel awesome about themselves.  Not in a platitude kinda way or a 2 + 2= 5 you're so awesome - because it doesn't and you need to know how to do it right, but you can still feel awesome while you learn the right way.  I even made a new friend.  His name is Douglas.  I was just there to go around and help the students with their work while the teacher was doing pull outs.  I spent some of the  time with 2 boys teaching them a much faster way to alphabetize their spelling words.  My new friend loved my help.  He raised his hand later and the teacher tried to help him and he asked for me.  Awww.  Then later I was kneeling on the floor next to another student's desk and he said there was an empty chair I could use so I didn't have to kneel on the floor.  He's got the chivalry gene.

The students then had to work on an opinion piece.  It was how they felt about school uniforms.  She had everyone put a check mark next to how they felt.  Yes, No or Unsure.  I even got to vote.  I said unsure.  My new friend came up to me after and said that he was going to change my mind and get me to say no.  lol  Jordyn had put unsure on hers and after he came up to her and said he was glad she put unsure instead of yes.   He then turned to me and said: "good thing or I would have to get all jalapeño up in her business."  Serious entertainment!

When I was leaving, I walked past the janitor closet and there were a couple of guys in there quoting Napoleon Dynamite.  I left with an even bigger smile on my face.  Awesome sauce!

Before I left for the school our piano teacher and friend came over to practice on my piano.  She only has a keyboard.  If I had the money, I would buy her a piano because it is so sad that she doesn't have one.  Well, it was my gain today.  She's been very nervous because she has a paying job with the high school choir and they have a big competition coming up at another high school and she's not used to playing on pianos.  She has been going around and playing at everyones house who own a piano.  This was her second time at my house and I'm in love.  I think I decided that I want to pay someone to just come play my piano while I study.  Listening to recorded music is just not the same. I got to work on my Sanctification study while she played seriously beautiful songs.  I usually have a hard time thinking while listening to music like that because I would rather listen intently to the music, but I was able to keep it background in my mind and it filled my soul.  I am feeling very spoiled today and I literally almost started crying when she told me she was done and leaving.  "But wait, no, you can't go.  Are you sure you practiced long enough?"  We almost had a hostage situation.

Meanwhile…..my apples sit untouched!  Dang, I've got to get on that soon!

Broken

There is a song by Kenneth Cope called Broken that I have been thinking about lately, it goes:  

Broken clouds give rain

Broken soil grows grain

Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yield light

The break of day heals night

Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending

Broken hearts for offering

Could it be that God loves broken things?

Broken chains set free

Broken swords bring peace

Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the ranks of sin

To break the news of Him

To put on Christ till His name feels broken in

Broken souls that need His mending

Broken hearts for offering

I believe that God loves broken things

And yet our broken faith, our broken promises

Sent love to the cross

And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His

Offers us such grace and mercy

Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending

This broken heart for offering

I'm convinced that God loves broken me

Praise His name, my God loves broken things.

Elder Holland also loves this subject.  He has talked a lot about mending broken things and broken vessels.  Big surprise, I’m reading a 3 book bundle by him right now.  There’s some good stuff that I will use later.  I guess it has become my favorite theme as well.  The worst thing you could do if you are feeling broken is to give up.  

What I have been thinking about most recently is how this theme of God loving broken things relates to Family History....most specifically mine.  I’m not sure how closely this will start to look like something I’ve already written about called “Carpenters.”  What I am doing for this specific writing is going back and looking at 2 videos I made where I talked about this and then add in a little extra goodness.  

In doing my family history I found some new family members that I never knew but how I somehow love and cherish now.  They come from my Dad’s Dad’s line.  My grandfather left the family when my father was 10.  He remarried and had 4 daughters and was never in my dad’s life again.  My dad resented him and ultimately hated him.  He was never able to forgive him.  Even when his mother passed away he found a reason to interpret his fathers actions as a lack of love towards him.  It was the one and only time I met my grandfather and I remember wishing I knew him more.  Especially now that my favorite person on the planet was no longer around to help me navigate this life.  I wanted that connection.  

Through the amazing gift we’ve been given we have the opportunity to participate in - the sealing of families together- my heart has been turned to my family and in turn theirs to me.  Actually I think it was the other way around.  This family that  I never got to know in this life.  They have been blessing my life beyond measure and those seeds they planted in my heart finally turned mine to them.  It is really beyond anything I deserve.  I’ll explain:

My family is broken.

Through this broken family I have received so much insight and inspiration.  My whole world has changed.  My eyesight has been made more clear.  My ears have been able to hear more clearly and my heart has been changed.  I have experienced growth that I didn’t know was possible.  I thought it was only possible for the very elect even though I have always been taught otherwise, I still somehow didn’t think it achievable.  Now, am I saying I’m some kind of awesome spiritual giant on the same level as a general authority?  Not even close, but I feel like I could be in the same room without shrinking.  I would seriously love to be in the same room.  We got tickets to go to general conference in April.  Yet again, there is a conflict getting the entire family there.  You would think there is some kind of force preventing it.  But we came up with a plan and just me and the 2 oldest are going to fly out and go.  I teased my husband to watch for me on tv when I rush the stage to try and touch the coat of Elder Bednar....or any of the 12 and get tackled and get tased by the jack bauer agents guarding them.  lol  We all had a good laugh thinking about that.  Bummer for them I’m not really that crazy.  But, it would be nice to see if by touching their coat some of their spirituality would transfer to me.  You know, like the woman that touched the Saviors garment and was healed.  :0)

I mentioned before that I come from a very long line of carpenters.  I have 2 brothers, 1 is an engineer who also loves building and remodeling the other one is a carpenter by trade.  My dad is a carpenter.  His dad cut some fingers off in woodshop as a teen and ended up in a silk mill and then later in a steel mill.  He had some other ailments in addition that my dad thinks probably contributed to the demise of the marriage to my Nana.  My grandfather’s dad was a weaver in a silk mill and his dad was a carpenter and his dad was a casket maker and ship builder- who was my 3rd great grandfather Francis Witman.  All of these men had sons who were carpenters and had daughters who married carpenters.  Because of the break of the family ties between my father and his father he had no idea that he came from such a long line of carpenters.  It wasn’t his own father that indroduced him to the trade because he wasn’t building anything because of his hands.  It wasn’t until my Nana’s 4th husband that my father got into building houses.  Before that he was a lumberjack and then he went to the vietnam war.  When he got back he gained confidence by working with the man my dad claims to be his Dad (Lloyd, my Nana’s 4th husband) and bluffed his way into his first paying job as a carpenter and the rest is history.  It was cool for him to learn that this skill is deep in his DNA and he didn’t even know it and he’s passed it down to his own children.  

All this thinking of carpenters got me thinking about Jesus Christ and his ministry while he was here upon the earth.  His dad was a carpenter.  I’m not sure how much carpentry work the savior did but he is often described as being one.  When you think about what a carpenter does, they build, they repair, they tear down, they remodel, they fix.  

There are lots of great talks by Elder Holland about vessels, but I’m not going to use one.  A different way of describing the workings of our vessels that struck me at just the right time while I was thinking about fixing things was by S Michael Wilcox.  He was talking about our vessels  being full of hurt, anger, resentment, failure etc... and how we have to pour all of that out to make room for the Savior to pour in to change and heal us.  The entire talk was fantastic and it got me thinking about my real willingness to change.  For me, if you take this pouring out analogy and apply that to a carpenter - go back to what a carpenter does.  There is nothing that isn’t fixable to a carpenter.  Sometimes you have to tear things down to the studs and sometimes it involves tearing things back to the foundation to rebuild and start again.  You have to make room for something new.  

Elder Holland quoted CS Lewis saying something similar “I do not think that all who choose the wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road.  A mathematical sum incorrectly worked can be put right; but only by going back till you find the error and then working it fresh from that point.  It will never be corrected by simply going on.  Evil can be undone, but it cannot develop into good.  Time does not heal, the spell must be unwound.”

Something else that we need to remember is that every single one of us is operating with the need to course correct.  To pour out so the Lord can pour in.  To fix our broken vessels that don’t have the capacity to hold goodness.  He said: 

“ when a battered, weary swimmer tries valiantly to get back to shore after having fought strong winds and rough waves that he should never have challenged in the first place, those of us who might have had better judgment (or perhaps just better luck) ought not to row out to his side, beat him with our oars, and shove his head back underwater.  That’s not what boats were made for.  But some of us do that to each other.”

That one has had me thinking for days.  How often am I beating someone over the head with an oar to a lifeboat?  I probably do it more to my own family than I do to strangers.  I told my husband that I couldn’t stop thinking about the analogy and he smiled that knowing smile and asked me why?  I then beat him with an oar! ;0)

Me doing family history is repairing my family lines or taking that life boat out.  Not just connecting them through ordinances  but connecting their hearts.  Connecting my heart to theirs.  By participating in the Lord’s work and glory I too now can become a carpenter.  I can be a savior.  You may say, “how is this possible?”  or something like “isn’t that blasphemous to think you could be a savior?”  Joseph Smith said: 

“But how are they to become saviors on Mount Zion?  By building their temples, erecting their baptismal fonts, and going forth and receiving all the ordinances, baptisms, confirmations, washings, anointings, ordinations and sealing powers upon their heads, in behalf of all their progenitors who are dead, and redeem them that they may come forth in the first resurrection and be exalted to thrones of glory with them; and herein is the chain that binds the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, which fulfills the mission of Elijah..”

This fulfilling of the mission of Elijah is so important that it is mentioned in all the standard works.  The Bible in Malachi 4:5-6.  The Book of Mormon 3 Nephi 25:5-6.  The Doctrine and Covenants 2; 27:9; 128:37-39.  The Pearl of Great Price: JSH 1:37-39.  

ElRay L Christiansen said this in a conference report in 1960:  “‘The beginning and the end of the gospel is written in section two of the Doctrine and Covenants. It is the keystone of the wonderful gospel arch; and if that center stone should weaken and fall out, the whole gospel structure would topple down in unorganized doctrinal blocks.’” Section 2 is only 3 verses but it is all about the sealing powers of the priesthood being revealed by Elijah and what would happen if we weren’t given this power.  

John A. Widtsoe explained the significance of these promises and the Latter-day Saints’ part in them: “In our preexistent state, in the day of the great council, we made a certain agreement with the Almighty. The Lord proposed a plan, conceived by him. We accepted it. Since the plan is intended for all men, we become parties to the salvation of every person under that plan. We agreed, right then and there, to be not only saviors for ourselves but measurably, saviors for the whole human family. We went into a partnership with the Lord. The working out of the plan became then not merely the Father’s work, and the Savior’s work, but also our work. The least of us, the humblest, is in partnership with the Almighty in achieving the purpose of the eternal plan of salvation”

A step that I took towards this promise I made and the remodeling of family lines - and ultimately my own heart- was calling my parents to get permission to do the work of my grandparents.  It was a way to reach out, to testify, to show respect, to build a bridge of understanding one towards another.  To hopefully turn our hearts toward each other because of all tension that was created in our relationship due to my joining the LDS church.  A couple of months before we made the call to my parents I realized that I didn’t know my father the way I wanted to.  I decided that I would start emailing him questions about his childhood and see how much I could learn.  It has been an eye opening process and really great.  I get a little deeper with the questions each time.  I really haven’t figured out what I’m going to do with everything.  It’s times like these that I  wish I were born with a different skill set than I posses. I would love to make it into a biography to give to him and have for my posterity and for my brothers, but every time I sit down to start making the emails into something like that it makes my head hurt.  I don’t know where to start or how to pull more information out to fill the gaps in better.  One day it will reveal itself to me what I’m to do with all the information.  In the meantime I just keep collecting it.  It is another opportunity for the turning of my heart.  

Something I equate to carpenters in general is that they aren’t a quitting kind of people.  There’s always a solution even if you have to tear everything down.  Through this experience exchanging emails with my dad I can see how the soul aches and hurts when you feel like you’ve given up on something.  I’m hoping that thru this process he can maybe have his heart turn towards his own father and realize that he had many of the same struggles and heart ache that he had.  The ripple effect of changing hearts is endless.  I haven’t even mentioned the effect this has had on my own children. 

This process has also helped me to understand more fully the parable of the 10 virgins.  If you’re eyes have not yet been opened it can seem cruel for the 5 with oil in their lamps to not give to the 5 that squandered their opportunity and had none.  Our compassion gene wants them to not get shut outside the door.  We want to give excuses and say it’s ok and show our love by giving some of ours to them.  Problem is, it doesn’t work that way.  It’s not cruel, it’s impossible to give that oil to someone else.  The only way you can get it is if you work for it and earn it and put it in there yourself.  The words to the knowledge you have learned have the same words they always did, they just mean something different to you now.  There is a deeper understanding.  Elder Bednar talks extensively about this process.  I can say now that I have experienced it for myself.  There are no words to adequately express how it is that I feel .  What that oil feels like in my lamp or what it has done to me.  How it has changed my relationship with God.  How it has given me new eyes.  I can’t convince anyone of anything because I don’t have any words to do that.  All I can do is kinda be like Paul when he was talking to the corinthians.  He told the people that he was their example and to follow him and they would be fine.  The only thing I can do is be and example of the believers, be a model, be a carpenter and hope that others will see the fruits of that labor and want that for themselves.  

Blessings and miracles and everything that the Lord has to give you is waiting there and ready for you if you want to be a carpenter in His kingdom.  

I talked a bit in my post about “carpenters” of the experience of taking my grandparents names to the temple to do baptisms with my 2 oldest kids and 2 nieces.  It was another opportunity for me to be a carpenter.  To repair family relationships that were broken and bring as many as I can along for the ride in this life changing process.  As we are carpenters working on our past, present and future- we are working to fix those breaks in our family chains.  Working on our past- is our ancestors and doing the work for them to receive exultation.  The present - is working on our family relationships and our stewardships and repairing things that need to be repaired.  Taking that life boat out and not hitting them over the head with the oar.  The future - for what all this work means to future posterity and generations.  While we are working on our past we are healing our future. Part of that future healing was a blessing born out of my connecting my heart to my ancestors and they in turn helped me to connect my heart to my family today and hopefully that made an impression that will be seen throughout generations.

When I think of healing and why we’re here, I realize that nothing is irreparable, everything is fixable.  Fixing our relationships and ourselves is why we are here.  There is no miracle to big to receive.  This repair work is what we came to do.  We are here to become even as God is.  We want to return to live with him.  We want to recognize our name when he calls us by his because we have become like him.  We want all of our loved ones there with us.  As you do more of this work you being to realize just how many people you begin to place in your “loved ones” category.  

We can be encouraging and convincing if we have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.  We have to be worthy of it.  We have to have the oil in our lamps.  We have to learn how to “use the force, luke.”  :0)  We cannot sanctify ourselves - or set apart ourselves for sacred use if we aren’t in tune and humble and repentant AND sanctified by the Holy Ghost.  We cannot sanctify ourselves.  (more on that subject later)  My favorite example as to how vital the role of the Holy Ghost is - is found in Luke 24.  It’s the “did not our hearts burn” story.  The men didn’t know who they were walking with, it had to be revealed to them and it wasn’t until the savior left that they realized who he was because they were doubting and lost.  We have to be in tune because our eyes will not know, only our hearts will.  We are told over and over we must have a change of heart.  

This journey that I have been on has been a life changer, a heart changer and an eyesight changer.  If you feel a long way off from having oil in your lamp.

 10 ¶aFear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. ~Isaiah 41:10

Because this isn’t a church talk, I have a lot more freedom, so I will end with another lyric found in the song “Compass.” 

you wanna give up cause it’s dark (like mists of darkness dark)

we’re really not that far apart (we're all on the path together)

so let your heart sweet heart be your compass when you’re lost (let the Holy spirit guide)

and you should follow it where ever you may go

when its all said and done you can walk instead of run

cause no matter what you’ll never be alone

Sometimes we may feel we are running- my husband teases me that I’m at a sprint right now and leaving them all in the dust.  Sometimes all we can do is walk and sometimes while we are holding tightly with both hands to the iron rod all we’ve got the strength to do is crawl.  We need to be more loving and more supportive and help each other along the path.  The only way to accomplish this is to have a mighty change of heart.  One way to do this is by doing your family history and then doing their work in the temple.  There is no greater house of learning than the temple.  When I started attending regularly my eyesight changed.  When that change begins we are more likely to hold the oar out for our fellow man to grab hold and be pulled into the safety of the boat instead of using it to further drown them.  

I will end with a couple more quotes from Holland: “change, growth, renewal, and repentance can come for you as instantaneously as they did for Alma and the sons of Mosiah.”  I wouldn’t say mine came that instantaneously but change, real change has occurred in me and changed my very nature.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t change, it’s not true - but it is hard work- sometimes excruciatingly hard!  This next quote is in my house “If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart.  So it has been with the best people who ever lived.”

I can say for myself that broken pride really does change blindness into sight.  God really does love broken things because I am in awe at the inspiration I have been able to receive when I have put my efforts to mending broken family lines and relationships and it helped me mend my own broken soul and catch a small glimpse of what work the Lord wants me to accomplish while I’m here.  If we want to know why we are here, he will tell us if we are willing to do the work.    

Heartbreaker

Ethan has an etiquette lunch for the 5th graders today.  They asked the kids to dress nicely for it.  Ethan has a suit and a bow tie so he walked out the door looking sharp today.  He was worried about whether or not to wear the suit all day or bring it to change into.  I had visions of the suit sitting in a cesspool of nastiness on the bathroom floor while he changed and did my best to help him think through this process.  Luckily he went for wearing it all day…..or maybe he put some clothes in his backpack just incase he decided to change.  I am going to try not to think about it and just degermify the suit if he comes home wearing different clothing.  

He was still nervous about being so dressed up before the lunch, but sighed a sigh of relief when he saw others showing up to before school choir in their nice clothing.  When he got out of the car I told him to "knock em dead."  He got a huge smile on his face, laughed and off he went.  That one, he's gonna be a heartbreaker!

Wicked Ride

Ok, seriously don't think there could have been a more unflattering picture of myself.  I look like some kind of evil witch complete with a massive nose!  That's what I get for making fun of taking my son out on the road for the first time.  He got his official permit today.  He hates getting his picture taken so we had to settle for the temporary permit photo.  Thankfully I had a very nice time at the myofascial dr office today so I was calm as a cucumber - Jared wouldn't agree.  Anytime I said the slightest thing he accused me of yelling.  The only person yelling was him about my supposed yelling.  hahaha  Poor kid needed the excedrin more than I did.  

We did have an incredible stroke of luck at the DMV today.  When we arrived there was already another kid taking the same test.  He was the only other person in the place.  After I went to sit down to wait for J to finish his test 7 people walked in.  Phew, we escaped that nightmare by the hair of our chinny chin chin- which btw getting older is not a pretty site- I've got to be very diligent about the hair removal on my chin - eww!  I gross myself out!

We've logged 45 minutes of driving.  Only 39 hours and 15 minutes of daylight and 10 hours of nighttime driving left until he can get his provisional…plus 6 months with an adult…..oi vey.  I was enjoying too much having MJ cart him around.  

New Old Ways

Today is a good day.  The sun is shining and it is relatively warm outside.  The birds are singing.  It is glorious.  Why so glorious?  Because I am pretty certain I can be fixed.  No, not mentally.  I will forever be a whackado, but my body may not be in complete shambles for much longer.

Every time you go in to see another specialist, it's the same ole excruciating process of self assessment paperwork and then listening to the specialist's theory on life and theory on everyone else's field of practice.  Everyone has an opinion about everyone else and no one ever seems to agree.  This makes seeking treatment a painful and discouraging process.  I should know, I've been doing it for 15 years now.  I'm not one of those "I've had a problem for 15 minutes and let me tell you about it" kinda person.

I have recently seen 3 specialist, after having given up, that does something completely different that most in their field.  They are hard to find and you can get discouraged when you keep getting the same type of treatment from every dr with no results.  Dude!  This is starting to feel like an infomercial.  It totally isn't because I'm not going to give you any cures!

The first Dr I went to was because, at 38, my body decided that I was old and crusty and my hormones went all crazy.  After seeing another dr and getting no results,  I went to a dr that is doing a treatment that they used to do years ago and it was the standard of care for ions.  But, science decided it knew better and there were too many risks that they felt were associated with the old way so they did something else.  Well, he is back to the old school method for testosterone because it works.  I was skeptical, but dude, I feel fantastic and it cured all my problems - in that area.

Next the chiropractor.  I've been to dozens.  They all have the same theory and do relatively the same thing.  Not this one.  Again, sounds too simple and no way could it work.  Again, she is using old school methodology.  Less trauma/forcing in adjustments.  It is like nothing I have ever experienced.  Guess what - aside from the set backs.  Totally working.  We needed an extra boost and longer lasting results so she gave me a referral to the myofascial guy.

I went today.  I've been to one other myfascial place 2 years ago.  He did the sleuth observant thing and told me all of my body's "tells" and then did some deep tissue work.  It was like a massage on steroids.  I didn't get much benefit from it and it was 120 bucks a visit and I was going 2x a week and it was torture.  For that kind of cash I would rather hire a professional assistant to follow me around and make my life easier.  So the guy I went to today, was totally different.  When I asked him about it he said "I'm old school.  I've been doing this for 27 years and this way works."  There is no massage involved.  Only trigger point work which is just pressure - hard pressure.  He found every single trigger point without me telling him a thing.  He knew where to find the next ones based on where he found other ones.  He gave me some great advice on how to help myself not get to this point ever again and some things to do at home that weren't typical stretching.  I'm in love!  I felt lighter and better than I have ever felt after any massage in my life.  I have to see him 2x a week as well for 4 weeks and if I don't have significant improvement he will be done seeing me.  Perfect.  Not someone out to see me for the rest of my life.  The best news?  When I checked out and found out how much my follow up visits were, I about broke out into the hallelujah song.  It was only 50 bucks a time.  I couldn't believe it.  The receptionist was laughing with me at my joy and astonishment.

Seriously good day.  Hope is on the horizon.  Sometimes "progress" isn't better.  My body seems to respond best to old school approaches.  You just have to keep searching and keep believing and if the time is right, you just might get a miracle.  If I feel this amazing right now….I can only imagine what it is going to feel like to be mostly healed--I'll always have to be careful and take care of myself but hopefully won't get to this point ever again.  The things I could accomplish in a day.  I could take on the world.  I could be unstoppable!  :0)

**disclaimer- if I'm back to crying next week, don't laugh and me.  Today I'm happy.  Hopefully I will be tomorrow as well and if not, hopefully the next day.  I'm taking and chance and making a leap.  Seriously, the birds are singing outside right now- I wasn't making that up :0)

In Mourning

Well, that is a pretty dreadful title, isn't it?  If there is one thing you can absolutely count on, its the many opportunities we will have in this life to mourn.  There are many different things to mourn.  The most obvious is loved ones.  I, however, am mourning over the person I used to be, or rather the things I used to be able to do.  Now, I've got to be careful and not succumb to the fate of Lot's wife by looking back and being turned into a pillar of salt.  At least I'm not mourning the good 'ole days of wickedness.  

Here is what I've had to leave behind.  

Part of my identity for many years was being a tom boy while still being a girl.  I spent most of my childhood on construction sites with my Dad.  I love to see something come out of nothing.  I love the smell of wood.  There are a couple of houses being built in the neighborhood and when the pile of wood gets delivered it is the most inciting beautiful smell ever and it fills me with a sense of peace.  If I were to psycho analyze this I would say that the association with the smell is because I used my parents working on houses together as everything being right.  They were working together and so there was no threat of our family being broken apart.  It was a marker that I used to comfort myself amongst the turmoil my parents relationship was constantly in.  That was definitely a time in my life that I spent in mourning.  

All that time hanging out on job sites with my dad and getting to do little token jobs gave me a love and appreciation for physical labor and building things.  I love to put together furniture.  I love to work outside.  I love to use my hands.  I once tore apart our guest bathroom while my husband was out of town and redid the entire thing -including electrical and plumbing.  I did have to call and ask a bit of advice from my dad on what to do about a huge hole left in my wall from moving the electrical.  I love to cut and sand and paint.  I painted every room in our last house.  I did the backyard almost completely by myself and many many home improvement projects. 

My dad made sure I knew how to do everything so that I didn't have to rely on a boy to do it for me.  He was very in to self reliance.  I remember one time he had me changing the oil in my car.  I came out wearing my favorite shirt and I had rings on my fingers.  He said that I had to crawl under the car so I should change and take my rings off.  Well, I like being a girl while doing boy things and I'm stubborn and like to prove people wrong.  So I climbed under the car, changed my oil and didn't get any on my shirt or my rings.  Boom!  He also insisted that I be able to put air in my tires.  That one, I wasn't keen about ever learning to do.  I had heard too many horror stories of people vaporizing their skin off with the pressure from a blown tire.  As we were driving to the gas station I was telling him that it was a skill that I would never need as long as men were on the earth.  He disagreed so I probably said something like, "fine!"  However, when I went to get out of the car to put air in them a boy came up and asked if I wanted help, "why yes I would."  Boom!  haha

Ok, so those little stories had nothing really to do with what I'm talking about except that I enjoy them and it gives a bit of insight into my character.  I was raised to be self sufficient.  To do what needs to be done.  To love to create.  To use my feminine wiles to get a man to do the things I don't want to do :0)

My body doesn't let me do most of those things anymore.  I have rooms in my house that have needed painting for 3-4 years now and I can't muster the strength to do it.  All the rolling required will kill my neck and I will pay dearly for it.  When we would move rooms around I would like to show off my freakish strength and move most things by myself.  Not anymore. When we moved the girls room, I had to wait on others to help me.  Simple tasks like mopping the floor and vacuuming are becoming increasingly more difficult for me to do.  

Not being able to do physical work with my body kills my spirit.  Asking for help, kills me.  I am in mourning for what I used to be able to do.   I have been trying not to just push through the pain and focus on healing my body, but I'm a pusher.  I need to knock it off though because my hip surgery was probably a direct result of pushing through.  

Well, I was done mourning and being helpless and wanted to push through.  I really wanted a compost bin and my favorite box store has them right now.  Normally I would have lifted the box onto the flatbed myself because I could, but this time I didn't mess with it and let someone help me.  I even let them load it into my car for me which I never do.  

I thought about waiting until my husband got home from work and asking him to build it but I knew that he doesn't have time.  He is also used to me just doing stuff like that.  I remembered that I had a 15 year old son that should be learning how to help with stuff like that but he was behind in school.  So, I looked at that box and looked at it some more and decided that I didn't care what the consequences were, I was building that compost bin!

It seriously felt so good.  I even had to use a mallet and pound the crap out of that thing to connect all the pieces together to make the cubes.  I did have to take a break because of all the bending and hammering, but I went back and got everything done but the legs.  I decided not to push my luck any further and let Nate and the kids finish it for FHE.  

I had a lot of thoughts while out in the sunshine building those cubes.  Work really is a balm to the soul.  It hungers for it.  I thought of the long line of carpenters I come from on my Dad's family line.  How good it felt to create.  I thought about the human body and marveled at it's abilities and how quickly they can be taken from you.  I'm in mourning for my limitations.  I thought about what limitations my body was going to have in 10-15 years from now when I wanted to be out on a mission.  I thought about my kids and what I hoped for them.  That they would learn the value of work.  That when they were selecting a mate they had an opportunity to see them in a service project to evaluate how they feel about work.  Are they the ones on the sidelines and always looking like they aren't doing anything or are they the ones in the middle of the action working diligently.  Are they being proactive or always waiting to be told to do something.  I also thought about my own children and how they would be evaluated in the same situation.  I mourned the thought of my Dad not living closer so he could teach my kids to be hard working and self sufficient like he taught me.  

We are living in a time where work isn't valued the way it should be and idleness is the goal.  My body may be hurting a bit from my labor, but I knew I would be going in for myofascial therapy this week and it would put me right again.  Despite the extra pain I incurred, my soul feels light.  Besides, look at my pretty compost bins.  Aren't they awesome?  I told you, I'm turning into a whackado hippie…..it will be perfect for all the cast offs from my juicer….yes, I still juice too….told you….whackado….and I've still got all those apples to can!

Group Date on Steroids

My daughter who is going to be turning 17 in a few months and yet to go on a date.  She had finally reached the magical age of 16 and there were no prospects around.  I surely wasn't sad for her because I wasn't ready to deal with all that yet.  But, it had to happen sooner or later.  Her friend had tried a couple of times before to get Emma to go on one of these group dates, but she always said, Nah!  I'm not sure how she was talked into this time, but she finally agreed.  She was not thrilled about her "date" but we had one of those nice little chats about giving people a chance and maybe he would be cool as a friend and how she needed to learn to start evaluating what qualities she liked in guys by observing them in different settings etc…

So there were 8 couples and 1 solo guy-which was awesome- he was owning being single.  They decided that each "couple" had to be handcuffed to each other.  The theory being that they would have to talk to the person and get to know them and couldn't wander off and talk to other people.  I was fine with that as long as the handcuffs were removed when they were driving.  They also decided to have a progressive dinner.  They met at one house, had appetizers at the next house, then it was our house for dinner and then another for dessert.  

I need a restaurant staff, so I enlisted some helpers.  Jared decided to dress up and Jordyn thought that was a good idea.  Jared also pulled out his british accent for the night.  Everyone loved it.  

 

First they played a game called "triangles."  I could not figure it out at all and neither could most of the kids, so I didn't feel as bad.  I did get the ring leader of the night to spill to me how the game worked.  Then we served them spaghetti - because that's what they asked for.  I wasn't about to complain about making the worlds easiest and cheapest meal ever.  I did make the sauce from scratch, because I'm awesome like that - haha

I wasn't sure if the kids were going to kill me and never come back when I overheard a couple of them wonder if they should bless the food.  It was about a 50/50 mix of Mormons to Non.  I piped up and said that I thought it was a great idea.  They got a bit of a panicked look in their eyes for a moment and the Non's weren't exactly sure what to do but someone stepped up to offer the prayer and they did it.  I then went into the other room and told them the the guys hat the other table blessed their food and asked what they thought about it.  This table took more of the comic relief approach when one of the member boys asked everyone to hold hands to say grace.  One of the Non's looked at him weird and said "wait, aren't you mormon?"  Busted!  He did say the "normal" prayer while they all held hands.  Good job guys.  Sometimes you need to stretch a little. People can't respect who you are if you are hiding it from them.  

So, Emma survived her first group date and I had fun having all the kids over.  They were all super respectful and great fun to be around.  

Nate was in Honduras but he face timed me in the middle of the party so I took him around and had everyone say hi to him…oh mister social loved that-not.  Muwahaha

I'm Going to Burn This Outfit!

So, I'm not really sure how we started talking about age in the car while driving home from church this afternoon.  I think Emma and Jared were describing a teacher they have as being 80.  I was questioning their ability to calculate anyones age so I asked them how old I looked.  Well, you get what you ask for.  It wasn't pretty.

  "You look like a 60 year old real-estate agent in that outfit and with your frizzy hair." ~compliments from my 15 year old son.  

He went into this long drawn out explanation of old people wearing dull colors and my outfit was dull.  Luckily my daughter knew what was good for her and defended my outfit as being young and hip.  My hair was a frizzy mess.  It is the hair I was born with -thank you very much- I was feeling lazy today- when I'm feeling lazy I don't straighten or hot iron curl it.  He then talked about married people letting themselves go. 

 "Have I let myself go?"  

"I don't know, you have questionable shoe choices" ~Jdog  

Hello! I'm married to a foot dr, of course I have "questionable" shoe choices.

Even though Emma had been sticking up for me she did say that I looked 40, to which I gasped.  "Well, how old do you think you look, like 20! HA!"  ~MJ  

"Well, maybe mid 30's?"  

"OK, 39." ~Jdog

"I'm surprised you didn't say 39 1/2"

"39 3/4!"

I was feeling the love from my kids and thinking that I needed to go straight home and burn my outfit.  Jared backed that up by saying that girls always look for fashion advice from other girls and that they needed to start getting it from guys because that's who matters.  Well, there you have it!  I also found that when I curl my hair with a curling iron, that is the only way I don't look super old.  Good to know. PS, husband was out of town, so he wasn't there to defend my honor!

 As if my fashion and hair choices weren't enough to convince anyone that I am super old, maybe my hobbies would.  So I've gone all whackado hippie and I order fruits and vegetables from a farm co-op.  This week they had apples.  

I ordered 2 boxes.

They are 40lbs each.

Now I have to can all of those!  

What have I done?

But hey, look where they're from.  Awesomness.  The kids can't figure out why a box of apples says trout to which I had to explain to them.  It made my day to get a little piece of my home state.  

 And for no reason other than to convince everyone that my son is just as whackado as his mother, he found this car enjoyable and took a picture of it.  

When we started making dinner tonight the conversation was still going on about how old and weird I am.  Ethan was now defending me, saying I was beautiful and awesome etc- until I started making my new favorite 2 ingredient pancakes.  I had the banana and 2 eggs in a bowl and he looked at it and said, "well, now you are making me question your choices, you may be weird after all."  Thanks buddy, you have now officially been removed from your #1 ranking of favorite child!

A Work In Progress

News flash!  I've got flaws, and lots of them.  I'm a work in progress.  I'm not very kind to myself about all that I want to work on and lack patience.  I have to remind myself constantly that it's about the journey.  

In trying to work on a miraculous healing for myself this year I find that I am handling the "journey" better than I have before….all hope is not lost on me being able to accomplish this "enjoying the journey" thing :0)  I suffered a pretty big set back this week.   All I did was hold someone's baby at church.  Now, he was awfully cute and he was flirting majorly with me- he's about 3 months old-I think.  Anyway, he was happiest when I would lift him in the air and make sweet happy faces at him.  He would smile big and laugh.  It was killing me with cuteness…..and apparently half the ward that was sitting behind me.  The bishop told me after sacrament that he enjoyed watching everyone being entertained by it.  

My husband is blaming my selfishness with the baby for the setback I suffered because of all the lifting.  He apparently wanted to hold him or something, but I contend that he never motioned to or told me that he wanted to hold him…at least that's my story.  In my defense…I did finally hand over the baby to him….once my body gave out….and he got grumpy :0) Anyway, I knew right away that I was going to suffer because of it.  Sure enough I had the worst headache for 3 days.  This time I had the presence of mind to realize that as soon as I went into the dr, I would be put right and feel much better.  But, this is how pitiful my life has become.  Things like holding a baby or a purse do major damage.  It also confirmed to me that all the feelings of wanting more children and feeling like a wimp because I didn't think my body could handle it were spot on.  

With the major headache I was having a hard time focusing on much of anything.  I did manage to get started on my "sanctification" study.  This process is not for the faint of heart and not for someone with a major headache.  I did discover that the times when I haven't been doing as much reading or comprehending what I am reading- I had a pretty legit reason….I've got to start piecing together things happening in my life better.  Headaches and reading, not a good combination. 

So far I've got every single scripture in the topical guide under "sanctify, sanctification" copied and printed out.  I can't remember how many pages it ended up being but there were 79 scriptures and I haven't looked up any of the "see also" scriptures yet.  I cut them all up and started looking for different things to mark and them put them into like categories.  I just did a little at a time.  The copying took me 2 days and then a day later I cut them and marked a couple and then another day later I finished marking them and putting them into categories.  Now I need to go through them again more specifically.  My head was hurting too bad and the process was getting too overwhelming.  No major epiphanies yet, but definitely some things to think about.  They are still sitting on my table waiting for me to come back. 

Interestingly enough, the day before I started copying all the scriptures down, I ran into this quote on my fb feed.  There's no watermark, so I'm not sure who made it.  But, talk about freaking me out the day before I start this serious study.  Ummm, maybe I changed my mind?  

Let's see.  There are many many ways that are a work in progress and I need to do better about making the journey more enjoyable for everyone around me.  I have a nasty habit on focusing on what we aren't doing or aren't doing well instead of what we are.  Everyone thinks I'm some kind of awesome family history person and my kids are awesome too.  Truth be told, a- I'm not awesome and b- my kids never have time to do it with me.  I'm not sure how Jared got on this kick but he decided to look up our last name to see if there was a crest.  Yes indeed there was and apparently it has something to do with stone hedge.  He spent an hour in our room trying to find evidence of the Keltics in our family history and then he got off on another tangent thinking he could prove we were related to Churchill.  Nate's side of the family have all kinds of pictures of everyone in their family tree and I've got 0.  He was having fun looking at everyone's pictures.  He definitely was focused on the "hearts before charts." So, we have moments of awesomeness.  Hopefully we can string enough of those moments together to reap the benefits and the blessings---same with every other thing we do perfectly….in moments….

In an effort to keep me humble and remind me that I'm not as smart as I think I am, I frequently have encounters of the blonde kind.  We had our New Beginnings night on Wed and our President had been out of town for a week and then her grandfather passed away so she couldn't attend.  We found this out Tuesday night.  We managed to get into her house and gather all the supplies and decorate and pull the evening together.  I was on day 3 of a headache that was so bad I felt I was going to vomit. I managed to squeeze an hour into my day to go and decorate at which time I found out I was conducting.  No biggie, there's a program to follow and I didn't have time to think about it. As Jordyn would say right here "dun, dun, dun…" 

I had other appointments after decorating and had just enough time to make it home to throw on my dress, load the kids in the car and try not to forget everything.  I also had time to say a quick prayer that I wouldn't throw up on anyone and it wouldn't be noticeable how much pain I was in.  

Here's the sad part.  I welcome everyone and introduce them to the theme for the night - I can't remember what it is though.  Excellent.  The stake president is giving me the stare down and I've got nothing.  My brain is completely void of thought.  Hopefully this little incident helped the Laurel class president feel better about the fact that she forgot it was church dress even though I heard it from her own lips on Sunday as she made the announcement and then it was confirmed that she also said it every morning in the announcements at seminary.  She's not the only one suffering from a dead brain  :0)

 I made all those darn blocks with the theme on them.

I decorated the room beforehand.  

I taped a yellow brick road to the entire gym floor.  

I'm staring at all the decorations while my mind is blank and still nothing.

How do I forget what the theme is?

If that wasn't bad enough,  my piano player and prayer disappeared after I started the meeting to which I had forgotten the them, so I had to stall.  Looking like an idiot in front of people is a gift I have acquired and I'm going to embrace.  If you're going to enjoy your journey it may as well be comical and you better learn to laugh at yourself and invite your friends to laugh at you as well.  While I stalled I talked about and showed a picture (on my handy electronic device of love) of the olympian who is getting a lot of attention right now and who wears her yw in excellence and yw torch necklace - it was pretty good for being on the fly.  I also managed to pull my thoughts together well enough to incorporate the paths/yellow brick road that led to each of the 8 value tables.  Emma was in charge of virtue so she decorated her table (pictured) and then shifts of girls came by and she talked to them about the value.  

Last week I was reading about "entering into the rest of the Lord." This has always conjured pictures of cloud sitting and harp playing.  The lure of finally not having to work so hard.  Yeah, not what that's about, I'm afraid.  I don't know how I ever indulged such thoughts because I know there is tons of work to do after we have died.  I also know how God feels about idleness, why would he suddenly be ok with it once we live with him?  Entering into the "rest" is a rest from the constant battle of temptation.  The constant pull of what is right and what is wrong.  What you should or should not be spending your time on.  How dedicated you want to be to the Savior and your covenants.  Those are the things that we will rest from and it won't be taking up your energies.    

In the meantime while we are here and unable to enter into that rest,  we need courage to make it through this journey towards perfection.  There are lots of areas that require our courage. 

The courage to take on a serious study of sanctification when you know what your going to go thru to achieve it.

 The courage to wear your yw medallion for the world to see.  To be unafraid of putting yourself out there.  

The courage to focus on the positive when the stakes seem so high and the time so short.

To look like an idiot when you haven't properly prepared yourself

The courage to march on and do what you've committed to do even though you feel like there is no way you're going to make it through 

To slow down and be patient ( I broke 4 canning jars this week because I was trying to rush the process)

To have the courage to tell someone that you'll do something that you're not sure you're capable of (I accepted a position as a committee chair of a charitable organization-not church related - that I didn't seek out- it came to me- I'll talk more about that later)

The courage to hope when you can't seem to find a reason to - whether it's health or otherwise (I've still got this dag gone rash and my neck and back problems are slow going with some setbacks and I've added another specialist to my list to go see…I'm starting to wonder if the only thing left is to commission the collection of shark pee for a miracle cure)

The courage to be able to accept the things you don't understand ( my friend has a patriarchal blessing that says she would be blessed with good health - she has been suffering for years with debilitating vertigo - we had a great discussion about it after going to the temple on wed)

The courage to stay true to what you know.

The courage to go to the temple, church, your scriptures, etc even when you don't feel like it.  

The courage to keep trying even when it feels like you're failing and never ever give up because that is exactly what the adversary wants.

The courage to do a lot of things that are too long to list here, but you get the idea.  I haven't even touched politics or theology ;)

Hmmmm, I'm beginning to sense a theme in my posts….:0)

#nmprobs

I have never before in my life used a hashtag.  I don't have an instagram or twitter account because I refuse to add more crap to my life.  One time suck is all I need to contend with.  I am always amused by the use of the # though and what people say with them.  

What we did on Saturday seemed worthy of a hashtag...

 We often joke that the state flower should be the tumbleweed.  Living in an "rural" area surrounded by them can be frustrating.  Throwing them back out into the mesa just means that the next wind storm that comes along will land them right back in your yard.  I joked that I should start marking them to see how many of them really do make it right back to my yard.  

As you can see, we were overrun by them this time.  Loading them all up to drive off into the middle of nowhere wasn't going to be an option this time- there were just too many!  My solution?  Burn them!  My husband thinks I'm worse than a boy scout - they are notorious for playing with fire and burning things they shouldn't.  What can I say?  I love a good fire and I love the smell of fire.  

Jared was worried that we were going to get fined or carted off to jail so he went in and checked the burning rules for our county.  We got the mandatory water supply and shovel on standby next to the fire incase anything happened.  

What are snow shovels good for in NM?  Scooping up prickly tumbleweeds.  Pretty awesome!  If you're in the mood for that campy smell, come on over.  We drenched the house in smoke from burning all those tumbleweeds.  Good times!

Jared's Fifteen

My little Jarbear turned 15 yesterday.  He took the day off from school -which worked out excellent for me since I had to work at the temple and the 2 little ones would have been left home alone.  Ethan and Jordyn went out with me in the morning to pick out some party supplies that they could use to decorate the house while I was gone and surprise Jared with while he was working on school in the other room. The little ones love surprises so they had fun trying to pull this little decorating mission off without attracting attention. 

When I got home I picked up the kids to take Jared to a steak dinner.  They all came out to the car wearing the ninja turtle masks.  It was super awesome.  Emma said she told her friend at school about the decorations we got and she said "for a 15 year old?"  Emma said, "you don't know my family, we are a bunch or nerds!"  Yes indeed, and proud of it!  I was sad they didn't wear them into the restaurant, because at their age, I totally would have.

I was a little nervous when I got home and realized that the big ladder was out and the 2 littles climbed up it to secure the banner to the ceiling.  Glad there were no casualties.   Luckily when I was leaving I saw Ethan come out to the garage to get the duct tape and I directed him toward the painters tape to save my paint…..it also worked nicely when I could pull the banner down without having to use the ladder again.  

I've mentioned before that we are lazy wrappers.  Luckily 2 of his gifts came in the mail on his birthday….already in a box!  Ethan told Jared that he got him 2 gifts and then moved in to give his 2nd - a hug.  Yah, he didn't enjoy that gift….remember I've got the kid in my "hug therapy." lol  I also learned that I shouldn't let Nate cut the cake if I don't want a massive piece.  

 The gift that Jared was most excited about - Cocoa (or cacao) beans.  He wants to make his own chocolate.  He also has a running joke about cocoa beans.  They were wrapped in the pizza box from their lunch.  I told him I was sorry I didn't get him a book about making choc as well, but knew all he needed was the internet.  He agreed and already looked up what we need to do to process the beans for use.  

He is getting a pretty awesome gift that he hasn't gotten yet.  Him and Nate are going to build a computer from scratch.  They need to look up and buy all the stuff they need to get started on it.  The entire process had Jdog salivating. 

He is also starting drivers ed on monday…..it's time to have the bottle of excedrine at the ready for the next few months!  Teaching kids to drive is a headache producing endeavor!  When the training is complete I'll be glad for a second driver  to do all my dirty work.

Happy Birthday Jared!

I'm Wading in the River...

What I really should be doing right now is preparing my lesson for Sunday on "the purpose of life."  Meh.  Don't get me wrong, it's a great topic, but I've got too much else on my mind that must be gotten out of my brain so I can move onto what I have to do instead of what I want to do.  Actually maybe I should just talk about his post to my girls…perhaps!

I'm a thinker.  In fact I spend a great deal of time thinking.  My husband thinks that if he lived with my brain he would be exhausted all the time.  Sometimes I do weigh myself down too much in thought, especially over things that are completely out of my circle of influence, but I still like to understand and store away lessons for later that will be in my circle.

This morning started out like every other.  Only I spent a good deal of the night waking up to scratch my itchy skin.  My husband can sleep through almost anything or at least fall right back to sleep after being woken.  Three or four times he woke to the sound of my scratching and grabbed my hands and held them while he was sleeping.  It was a pretty restless night, but I managed to get the kids up for seminary and study my scriptures.  I then said my prayers and asked again for something to do.  I wanted help knowing what I was supposed to be doing and wondering how I could be useful.

It was then off to an 8 am parent teacher conference for my youngest.  This is the teacher that I had a rotten core educational talk with.  As she was telling me of some of her struggles in the class and in particular with some rowdy boys, I asked how her volunteer schedule looked.  She hadn't been letting any parents in to volunteer until very recently when she decided to ask one of the dads to help out so he could be a positive influence on a couple of boys.  I asked if she thought more help would be beneficial to her and the class.  She actually got excited.  I thought she would tell me no so that she didn't have to work with the anti- mom.  Guess who's going into class every friday?  Yep, that's right.  I knew right then when I was having the conversation that it was something I was supposed to do.  Sweet.  Mission accomplished….It's not everyday you can say that.

It was my day to work at the temple and there was a lot I needed to get done before I could leave….because I had forgotten to do anything about my son's birthday today.  The 2 little ones went with me to the store to pick out a gift for him and we decided to get some decorations (that will be the next post) and something good they could have for lunch.  Emma and Jared still had school today even thought the littles didn't.  Emma had to go in so she could finish up her super computing challenge that she has to present at the college on Sat.  I thought Jared would want to go in to work on his robot but when I told him that because it was his birthday, he had the option if he went in or not.  To my complete surprise he said he wanted to stay home.  Yet another answer to my prayer.  I didn't know how I was going to leave the littles alone for 5 hours with no way to communicate with me, but I had a back up plan ready to enact if Jared wanted to go to school.  Sweet beautiful day.  Did I mention that the sun was out and there was no wind and it was no jacket kinda weather.  There is sunshine in my soul today…..

I started off my volunteer session running into the librarian from my ward.  I love her so much and she quickly asked me about my iPad on Sunday and if I thought I could help her to not hate hers.  I agreed and when I saw her again today she told me she had a group together for me to teach and wanted to set it up ASAP.  We talked about some possible days but I couldn't commit to anything without my calendar which was not in my possession.  She was so excited though and I'm happy to have her and her friends love theirs as much as I love mine.  It has become a sacred piece of technology for me, not for the technologies sake, but for what it has on it.  All my scriptures, Ensigns, study manuals, books, notes everything that is precious to me.

One of the things I do while I'm at the temple is sealings.  Today I got to do 2 sessions -they last an hour each.  I started thinking while I was there…big surprise!  I had taken in a bunch of my own names.  I was able to do my Great Nan and her husband and I also did some more direct decedents on both lines, mostly children sealed to parents.  The sealer was interested in my names and kept asking me questions about them.  There was also a dear friend that I work with that was in there with me.  She is very much "less active" but she works at the temple often and her husband is inactive and so is her adult daughter.  My husband is their home teacher and I just love seeing her there.  Well, I guess me having all my names got her thinking - more on that later.

What I was thinking about was the book I just finished up.  I keep talking about it.  Sorry, can't help it.  I'm telling you, my brain doesn't turn off.  I was thinking about a beautiful passage while kneeling at the alter.  "Here are my eyes; together we will look upon the beauty of the Lord's house.  Here are my ears; let us hear the words of eternal life.  Here are my lips; we will make sacred covenants.  Here are my hands; together we will receive the gifts of life everlasting.  Here are my knees; kneel with me at the altars of salvation, there to become one with all those we both love.  I will remember you." I told you - It's beautiful and it's from "House of Glory."  

A little later I had another thought from the book.  I was at the alter to seal a son to his mother and father.  The stand in's (us) for this family were a hispanic man for the father, me a white girl for the mother and a black man for the son.  I couldn't stop looking at how beautiful the three hands of very different colors looked together.  Again from the same book: 'There are no races or nationalities in the temple.  There are only the Lord's people, all children of the same Father, all brothers and sisters of the same Christ and of each other, all of tremendous worth to their Father in Heaven.  This understanding makes our offering so much more "acceptable."  How wonderful it is to hear Samoan brothers speak the names of German immigrants, or Cambodian sisters trying to pronounce Finnish names.' Then he quotes President Hinckley: "If there is any work in all the world that demonstrates the universality of God's love, it is the selfless work that goes on in these sacred houses."  What I had just been reading had come to life before my very eyes.  I almost told everyone how awesome it was and then I thought better of it and decided to keep it to myself.

After this I was a greeter at the front entrance.  There isn't a lot of traffic with endowment sessions being so far apart and I wasn't working when anyone would be coming in.  I decided to try out something that Elder Bednar says he likes to do.  He picks a topic and then copies and cuts out all the scripture references for that topic.  He then lays them all out on his desk so he can mark them up and categorize them and see what he can learn from this method.  Well, I couldn't do all that, but I could read every reference in the topical guide under "sanctification" - my new favorite word.  I already have some ideas of how things are going to look and what things I might be thinking about when I see them all laid out like that.  It was interesting just looking up the "see also" suggestions.  I'm getting pretty excited about my new project.  Get ready to hear lots about sanctification soon ;0)

After this I stopped at the desk and asked to see our wards "family file" (it's were people leave ordinance work to be done for their ancestors)  There were a bunch of sealings that needed to be done.  As I walked past the chapel I ran into the sister I was doing sealings with previously and she asked "how do you get those cards?"  She hasn't done any family history and wanted to know how.  I talked to her about all the new developments that I learned about on Saturday and how exciting it was.  She then told me that her husband has a book of family history that he has.  None of it has been recorded into family search.  Hot dog!  This is going to be fun.  I told her that I would come over anytime and help her and her husband get rocking and rollin.  My husband was super excited too….."can I go too, that totally counts as home teaching."  "Yes dear."  :0)

With an ernest pleading and a willingness to look and listen, I was given some pretty awesome projects to do today.  Sometimes blessing just seem to flow and other times it seems like the river of blessings is all dried up……which surprisingly enough leads me to another quote….I love quotes!  In the book about the temple again, Wilcox goes into great deal talking about Ezekiel and the vision he had of the temple and the water that was flowing in the desert giving life to everything.  He said: "latter-day temples are the source of a powerful, deeply refreshing river.  It is a river of peace, revelation truth, light, and priesthood power.  But above all else, it is a river of love."  And then later he says: "We learn from Ezekiel that the water of the river does two things to everything it touches: it gives life and it heals.  The life it produces will not 'fade,' and that which it heals will live forever.  The temple's flowing water will heal and give life to our marriages.  It will give life to and heal our families.  The Church will flourish and become strong and vital as will our individual lives as we plant ourselves near its banks and draw its moisture into our souls."

Where am I at in this river?  I'm not sure, like him, sometimes.  Today?   I feel like I'm in all the way.  I'm sure upon closer examination I would realize that I am in much less than I thought.  Maybe only to my knees or ankles.  What fun would it be if I've already experienced all there was to experience?  He says not to get discouraged if you feel like your feet are barely wet "wade in again and again.  In time you will feel the water rise and your understanding deepen."

How to wrap this all up?  I love the temple!  I feel myself wading deeper and deeper into the waters.  It has expanded my view.  It has given me light and knowledge.  It has helped me to see more of The Plan.  I can more easily see how everything fits together.  It gets easier for me to hear the council of my Heavenly Father.  It is the most amazing, glorious, miraculous, joyful thing ever.

One more quote….or maybe 2…haven't decided yet.  Sheri Dew said "conversion requires immersion. Immersion in truth.  Immersion in the scriptures.  Immersion in the temple.  Immersion through fasting, prayer and time to contemplate the things of heaven."  And also "The more we know about the Lord Jesus Christ the more we will want to know.  The more we testify about what we know, the more it will become integral to who we are."  Pretty great quotes, right?

OK so I decided to use one last one, because it is good, and it wraps up everything I want to say by posting this little acknowledgement of divinity.  The knowledge that I am blessed beyond what I deserve.  The knowledge that if I'm willing to do the work, the Lord has a work for me to do.

"We have not been asked to store wheat (ummmm, I am), as were our sister of yesteryear.  We have not been required to pull handcarts over Rocky Ridge.  But we have been asked to store faith.  We have been asked to be pure in a world that increasingly mocks purity.  We have been asked to increase our capacity to receive revelation and pull down the power from heaven that God has granted His endowed sisters.  We have been asked to model how women of God look and act- not only as beacons for the rising generation but for all of the house of Israel.  We have been asked to stand tall and stand together in speaking for what we know to be true and right and divine."  Taken from Women and the Priesthood

I think I just may have convinced myself that this totally fits into "the purpose of life" -- now how to make it an interactive lesson?????  I may just have to stick with stuff I've already worked on for the lesson.   Besides, it's got one of the most memorable talks from conference -ever- in it.  The "your happily ever after talk."  I guess there's no rest for my brain tonight :)