Feeling Good

Normally I would look up a bunch of quotes or find a talk to base my comments on, but yo! That takes a lot of time! Oooh, but I just thought of something else I can add...

So quick story. Nate and I were out to lunch on Saturday after having been to the temple. We were standing in line at our favorite taco place and someone came into the line behind us. Nate and I were laughing about something and he made a comment about it being a good time to get lunch.  We smiled and agreed with him. He then said "are you guys selling something? You must be selling something." Nate told him that we weren't but that we had just been to "church."

We found a seat and starting chowing down on some seriously good tortillas. When we were finishing up the same man came to our table and said "I just have to tell you that you guys just look like goodness." We smiled again and thanked him for his kindness. As he was walking away I wondered if I should have said something like "let me tell you why." I never know how to pull something like that off. I probably would have told the man while we were back inline that we were at the temple, but Nate had answered so I just went with that. You never really know if you are supposed to do more with your opportunities or just let them be a nice moment. Hopefully I didn't let the Lord down. But, he made our day and at least for 1 moment we were radiating the light of Christ or the face of Christ for someone to see. Pretty cool.

The other thing I thought of happened yesterday. I had to take Jordyn to get an immunization. I went to the pharmacy because we don't have a primary physician. They all keep leaving so I gave up. We rarely go to the dr anyway. Healthcare.....aint it awesome? Not! Anyway, when we were leaving Jordyn wanted to check on Jared at his new job. I told her that we could drive past and see if maybe he was out gathering shopping carts. I spotted him out of the corner of my eye and tried to quickly make my way toward him in the car before he went inside the store. When we got close enough I had Jordyn jump out of the car to try and catch him. He was turning around to come back outside. His first words were "do you have any water? someone stole my water bottle." We just so happened to have a water bottle and he chugged it down and went about his way. Jordyn then said to me "mom, that was like one of those things." I said "you mean, a fleck of gold." "yes, one of those." I agreed with her!

Later that night I asked Jordyn to re-tell the story to Nate while Jared was sitting there. He clarified and said that he could have gone in to find one so it wasn't that great. Well, guess what. His water was stolen at 8 am and it was now 1 pm. Obviously he wasn't sure how to solve the problem with his anxiety. So it most certainly was a fleck of gold!

Jared then offered up what he thought was "an interesting thing that happened that was probably not God." OK, I'm in. Let's hear it. He then described wondering if someone he worked with was from France or maybe had a speech problem. He wasn't sure and it was bugging him. Once that kid's mind gets going it doesn't stop. He was really wanting to know and trying to decide how a kid with anxiety finds stuff like this out. Well no sooner had he thought about how to figure it out, he went outside and she was talking to someone and they were talking about being french. I love that he wondered if God cared about him enough to answer a simple question. He did say that he knew that that was indeed what God was saying to him.

I believe that's wonderful and a testimony beginning to take shape. Sometimes God can't answer the big questions we have. Or answer them in a way that satisfies us. But, he can give us little flecks of gold along the way to keep us going. let us know He knows and cares so that our faith will build and eventually we will be ready for the bigger questions to be answered. We forget that some things can't be answered until we are ready to hear the answer. Because once we hear, then we can't deny and we are held accountable to that knowledge.

I've also had many small miracles occur over the last month where I know Heavenly Father is opening the way before me and reaffirming my faith that He is at the helm of the ship Zion and all I have to do is move forward in trust and faith and all thing will work together for my good and for the good of my children. I do not have to take council from my fears if I have this knowledge. It's pretty awesome. That story is coming when I finally sit down to write about it with the new school in one post.  That one will take more time and brain power so I'm procrastinating.

Last Days...Before College

How are Emma and I spending our last few days together? First up was teaching her how to remove the hair from her bathtub. I need it all shiny and working properly for all the guest I will have over staying in her room! I love the headlamp and gloves. She was pretty grossed out and I explained that that was why she was doing this job and not me. Her hair. Her tub. Her mess. Thank goodness for youtube teaching us how to do everything. Especially after there was a debate on how the lift and twist drain should be removed. Guess who was right? Yep, Mom still knows best. 

 I decided to be nice and clean up a suitcase for her. She's not a fan of the color, but it's free! And, orange happens to be my favorite color so she should feel extra special that I'm letting her use it. I tried the magic 1 to 1 ratio of dawn and vinegar along with a scrub brush and a hose. It worked great except that it will probably suds for the rest of it's life every time it come in contact with water. The picture didn't really capture just how nasty it was looking. 

Emma is pretty proud that she got a bed full of clothes all stuffed in there. She says it's everything...except for coats....shoes....dresses...and everything else!

She asked me today if she could start stacking everything in the living room so she could see what she had and make room to pack up the rest of her room for storage. She told me when she caught me photographing it that I was under no circumstances to post it on fb or she threatened that she would never come home ever again! Sheesh. Well, she didn't say anything about my blog! 

I'm taking bets from the kids on how much of this will be returning home with me because it doesn't fit in the dorm. 

Seriously though, I'm pretty excited for her and this new adventure. I only went to 1 year at the community college in my hometown. She is going away and getting a nursing degree. So proud!

Closer to the Edge

Just days before we took our daughter to college orientation I noticed something strange. A bald patch in my bangs. While we were at the college staying in a hotel with bright harsh lighting, I began to take a closer look. Maybe the examination was due to the harsh realities of my old age and having a daughter in college. Whatever the reason, it wasn't a good time to investigate. But, investigate I did. 

As anyone would expect when you are staring at cold hard facts that you are aging and going to by ugly...you naturally freak out. By freak out I mean, I had to search for an app that would allow me to draw arrows on my picture. I had to pursue the internet for hair loss solutions. I ordered a mega pack of hair loss solutions while sitting in that over lit bathroom of doom! My husband and daughter had to stage an intervention right there in the hotel bathroom. 

The first picture has the fateful night with the arrows and the one below is tonight.

 I don't know, it might be getting bigger. I have asked everyone I know if it looks like the hair is permanently gone. My husband wouldn't even admit that there was a bald spot for days. He swore there was hair in that bald patch. People think I'm crazy, but apparently I care about my looks more than I thought I did. Apparently hair loss freaks me out. Don't worry! I was told. Wigs are great! I was told. I don't know what came over me. The reality of my age and that I'm only getting older smacked me in the face. Honestly, I didn't think I cared that much. 

I did tons of research on hair loss solutions and why they say "for men" and they are only for "the crown" of the head. Well, I'm not balding in my crown and I'm not a man! I have only dabbed a drop on there every couple days or so just in case my face decides to grow a beard. 

This next picture is another angle from the hotel bathroom o the top and tonight which is about 3 weeks later. 

What kind of weird thing could have happened? It was pretty itchy there for a few days which I attributed to a possible scalp burn from our vacation in Park City and Yellowstone the week previous. I've never scratched my hair off before so that seems weird. Whatever caused it, I am praying that it comes back in and that it isn't spreading like I fear it is. Especially since my hair started loosing more when I brush. It's never fun running your fingers through wet hair and having enough to wig a barbie. 

I have even resorted to putting brow liner in there to cover it up. while I was painstakingly applying it all I could think of was the informercial with the spray paint for your bald spots. My SIL got it as a gag gift for my FIL one year for Christmas and it was hilarious....at least at the time. Now I want to slap myself for laughing at his bald head. 

So, there you have it. I'm that much closer to falling off the edge of sanity...and old age.  

Hard Choices

My life has been filled with some pretty hard choices lately. One of which was going in and speaking with the Temple president about my volunteer position. I love that man btw. We had a great council together. The purpose of the visit? To ask to be released- which I would rather die than ever do something like that. But it was necessary, so I did.

Asking for the release and getting it was a leap of faith. It was a leap because I love working at the temple. I didn't want to give it up. The president teased me about the release but ultimately signed my pink slip. Yes, it was actually a pink slip of paper. I did get a nice certificate of honorable release in the mail though. 

What caused this need for a release? My craziness, that's what. I heard about a charter school in Edgewood and decided that my kids need to go. What does that mean for me? 4 hours of commute time. I'm going to hopefully write up a full post on the school later. perhaps tomorrow. anyway I decided that it was time to put my body where my mouth is and do something about the education my kids are getting. If I wanted the world to change, I had better be willing to help. My way of helping is to give my kids a patriotic, constitutional, character driven, classic teaching methods education so they could help change the world. 

As another consequence of this decision I may end up losing my seminary calling as well. I have been on a ledge trying to see how this could possibly be part of the plan. I was near to having a full blown panic attack that I will lose 2 of the most important things in my life just so I can drive my kids to school everyday that's 55 minutes away. 

I took a step back and remembered that if I wanted to be a stripping warrior mother than I need to act like one. Making my kids education my priority was my new full time job and what is more important than that? 

I took a pretty big leap of faith. It's not anything that I can adequately articulate nor explain and I know no one really gets it, but that's ok. I seem to do different well so I may as well just stick with it. 

When You 'Bout...

I'm back! At least for now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I've had several posts that I just haven't gotten around to. There has not been a lack of interesting things going on. Quiet the contrary. I'm going to be really sad looking at this gaping hole of records this last year or so have been. Oh well.

How to say things without saying them is always the dilemma. So, I'm gonna do the best I can.

I have a friend. I was faced with a situation that I was trying to decide if I should allow myself to be a part of. Would I be making things worse? Would I be starting a fight that isn't mine? My husband didn't think I should do anything. After I explained what I was going to do and my 19 year old daughter and her friend agreed to go with me to keep me out of trouble, he consented to let me go and help the wife of said friend.

Let me just say, I was ready for a fight. My friend is clueless. heartless. spiritually lost. insensitive. damaging. hurtful. and a liar. I could not believe he was doing what he was and a stand needed to be made.

So, me and the girls loaded up and my daughter was teaching me all of the south valley expressions she has been learning while working as a medical assistant at Dad's office. I was lost in thought on how exactly I was going to handle this situation when Emma said; "wait, are we really going to start a fight with someone while listening to songs about Jesus?" We all started laughing because it was one of my favorites that says 'there is power in the name of Jesus, there is power, power in his name..." It was too funny. When you 'bout to go beat someone up while listening to songs about Jesus...oops. my bad!  You just can't make this stuff up! We really weren't going with the intent of beating anyone up, but we were ready if the opportunity presented itself because let's face it, what do you think is going to happen in a situation like this. I knew we needed divine intervention to not have a war break out.

I had been praying for the right words to say and for God's will to be done. All I knew was that I had to draw a line in the sand. My friend needed to know where I stood on his behavior and that he was being cruel.

I can't really go into the rest of the details. Only that my powers of speech were bound. I said nothing but "hello." Then we just had a stare off. Then I collected the wife and one of the children and we left the house. The other one went and hid. Which being a child of divorce myself and the oldest I completely understand. It is so hard navigating the loyalty waters of divorce. It just plain stinks.

Here's what I got out of the night. I could see what it is like to have the battle lines drawn. You are each on your side. North vs South. Brother vs Brother. I could see how it must have been during the civil war. If you came across a friend fighting the other side. You would look at each other and say "really? is this where we are? Is this what we are going to do?" It made me think of the picture I took at the fine arts museum in Houston. It's called "Recognition: North and South"

This is what it looks like to be on opposite sides and mourn because of it. The senselessness of it. I was not in a physical war with my friend, but a spiritual war and we are on opposite sides of the battlefield. I could see how I would be forced to shoot and then I would immediately go and comfort because of love. Or to stumble upon him on the field and then mourn over him. Unfortunately in this spiritual war I cannot offer my comfort until he decides to reach out for help. until then, I mourn alone. There was no comforting at the end of my standoff on the battlefield of truth and righteousness against sin and bondage with my friend. At least not yet.

Here's what else I gained from the night: bonding with my daughter. She got to participate in something valiant and feel good about it. She and her friend were showered with gratitude and hugs for their rescuing efforts. Emma also got to see me in action. I did speak while at the house to another girl that was there and explained to her why we were there. That earned me the nickname of "savage" from my daughter. It's not like I was being mean. She was being very understanding and kind about the situation and actually said "wow, that's a great friend or I would like a friend like that" something to that effect about what the purpose of my visit was. I just got to the point and was direct about it. I guess that was "savage" haha. I'll take it because it was said with respect and meant more like hero.

The last thing? There is power in the name of Jesus. For real. The situation turned out like it did because of the power of God. From my friend being out of the house when I got there so things had even more time to defuse. to the girl I had the conversation with that went so well, to my mouth being bound. To an apology for cruel behavior that was offered later to the wife. Sometimes we are called to make a stand and it won't be easy and you won't be sure of what to do or say, but you've got to stand. I knew I didn't want this to turn ugly and hoped and prayed I didn't do anything that would turn it into that. The last days are going to be filled with hard things like this. The battle lines have been drawn. Which side are you on? In Mark 13 it talks about the second coming. It's not pretty. This situation is what it will look like. Friendships and families will be torn apart. The question is, can we withstand it and endure to the end? It will take power!