The Valley

On Saturday morning I was reading my scriptures. I was in 2 Nephi 23 and I came across a word I decided to look up in verse 4: Kingdoms. The following picture is the notes I took on a bill that was sitting next to  me at the time. 

What caught my eye was that this chapter is talking about the second coming and it is an Isaiah chapter found in 13. Isaiah is warning that the destruction of Babylon is a type and shadow of what will happen during the second coming. 

There will be sanctified mighty ones with a banner lifted upon the high mountain (vs2-3). The mighty ones and the kingdoms shall meet in the valley of decision. This is where I decided I needed to know more. What does "Kingdoms" mean. This lead me to Joel 3: 11,14, Zephaniah 3:8, Zechariah 14. I also looked up "gathered" and went to Zechariah 12:2-9.

Here are the bullet points from each:

heathens called to assemble themselves

mighty ones come down from high mountain

meet in valley of decision

the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision

God's determination is to gather nations and assemble kingdoms

all earth will be devoured

a pure language will be given to call upon the name of the Lord to serve Him with one consent (I want to learn more about this)

all nations gather against Jerusalem

Lord will fight against those nations

siege against Judah and Jerusalem

Jerusalem will be a burdensome stone and all shall gather against it

God will open his eyes on Judah- there will be madness and blindness among people

Lord shall save Judah first so Jerusalem doesn't come after it and then in that day the Lord will defend Jerusalem and destroy all who come against it.

Here's what I started thinking about this morning. This isn't the first time we've been introduced to a high mountain with a valley of decision. Moses taught this when the children of Israel crossed the Jordan river on dry ground and gather 12 stones to remember what the Lord had done.

To bring home the point Moses gives the people a visual by having them stand on 2 mountains with a valley of decision between them. 

I put both references to a mountain together. The one from Isaiah13/2Nephi 23 and Deuteronomy 27 -30. So what happened in this experience with Moses? 

In 27 Moses gives the people an object lesson:

Some were to go onto mount Gerizim to bless the people when they come over the river Jordan. Some were sent to mount Ebal to curse the people. It's like the iron rod and great and spacious building object lesson only with mountains. 

12 Cursings were called out with the people saying Amen. Amen is consent. Then chapter 28 there are 4 blessings and then the blessings are clarified with the people being God's holy people and all that promise means. But, if we don't want those blessings 4 more curses were mentioned. Everything you touch shall be cursed and rebuked until the wickedness shall be destroyed. Famine pestilence etc.. You and your king that you've placed above you shall be brought where you can serve other gods and not be successful. If you don't want to serve God you can serve your enemies. It's our choice.

Moses wanted the children to remember what the Lord had done for them and return to Him and obey His voice. He had just delivered them from captivity and he knew they would soon forget. This obedience was key to the Lord relieving them from their captivity and this obedience needed to be with all the heart and soul- full commitment. If the people were again driven out the Lord would again gather them. They needed to trust Him. The Lord made promises to curse their enemies. What did the children do? Some valiant thing? Pick up some pitchforks perhaps? No. Emphasis brought home again: return and obey the voice of the Lord and keep his commandments. He was going to prosper them in all their work, their bodies, their cattle and their land. (this is all taken from Deut 30)

Next comes the the take home:

The choice. Life and good OR death and evil -the 2 mountains of choice.

If your heart turns away from God then you shall be drawn to other gods and serve them. There are only 2 choices. Not 3 not 4 not 5 not a combination of the 2. Only 2.

I've been thinking so much about this lately with our current political climate-and climate in general. The willingness for people to chose the disobedient hill thinking that there is no other choice. Taking God completely out of the equation while claiming that they aren't because they are "overlooking and not judging" the flaws of others. They only come to this charity because it's someone on their team, not because it's what they truly believe, it's what helps them win. Gives them superiority over another.

I wrote this morning on my fb page:

Your values and principles have to be the same no matter who you stack them up against to judge -yes judge! the merits of someone's character and whether or not you will trust them or stand with them or let them represent you-or they mean absolutely nothing and have no value -except to reveal your hypocrisy and your unrighteous use of judgement. You can't scream about something being "wrong" or inexcusable for someone you don't like and that same behavior being "right" or excusable when you either like them or they are on your team...And the Binary choice argument is harmful and only sucks us further into the pit of despair and reveals the negative value of our moral currency. If we choose wickedness we get wickedness and everyone must come to the valley of decision and chose their way. Btw- I really liked this and agree: (an article)

There were 4 stand out talks from General Conference that I believe tie into this entire thought process. I spend most of my time grasping and reaching for understanding that I feel is only partially  revealed to me. Most of the time when I follow through with a thought process like this I am left to wonder: what does this mean to me? what am I supposed to do with this? Am I understanding this correctly? What am I still missing? I always walk away thinking I understand more, but not sure how to express it. 

1st Bednar. Was there any doubt he made #1? "If Ye Had Known Me." What is crazy to me is that I had just been thinking about that because I had taught those lessons in seminary. I discovered that the JS translations were a major testifier to his divine calling as prophet seer and revelator. There is no other explanation in my mind that he would pick up on the misrepresentation of the Lord with him saying "i never knew you" and correcting it with "ye never knew me." There was a valley of decision the 10 virgins faced and the Lord kept his promise for the reward of those choices. Bender talked about how we come to know God and how it is essential to deny ourselves of ungodliness. We have to become different. My favorite line of all time from that talk with the biggest most profound implications was: "He may have believed in Christ generally but not believed Christ specifically and personally." 

To my thought journey- not trusting in the promises made if we choose the mountain of righteousness for everything.

2nd Elder Cook's "Valiant Testimony of Jesus." That entire talk was a mic drop talk. Those who think they can sin and all is fine because God loves them is trying to turn the disobedient mountain into the righteous one. Not gonna happen. He talked about stumbling blocks - "an impediment to belief or understanding or an obstacle to progress." It is when we "fall into sin and waywardness." He then described each of the stumbling blocks. Philosophies of Men, Refusing to see sin in it's true light, and looking beyond the mark. 

3rd Elder Christofferson "Abide in My Love." Favorite quote is when he was explaining that we hear so often that God's love is unconditional, but 'while that is true in one sense, the descriptor unconditional appears nowhere in scripture." He talked about how we must repent and that we cannot be saved in sin only from sin. He also talked about loving our enemies. 

4th Elder Nelson "Joy and Spiritual Survival." We can be in captivity and going through the necessary trials of the last days and still have joy! We also need not complain. "Joy is the key to our spiritual survival." I would say yes! It is so hard watching those you love chose the mountain of disobedience and frankly the whole world around you. Case in point- the election! This talk about joy I'm going to need to study over and over.

A few other things from conference that stood out:

Charity

Unshaken faith in Christ

Jesus is the master healer

We live in perilous times- we shouldn't be surprised

Need a bedrock foundation of Christ

Faith- what it can and cannot do

We need to trust God

Gratitude

Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ

Forgiveness

Prayer with real intent

Ask God

Sin now and repent later is a mockery

We are each puzzle pieces and all needed for doing the Lord's work- another great one

Soul delighting in the scriptures

Be ambitious for Christ

Joyful heart without complaint

Do your home teaching! Holland's only talk in Priesthood. 

Gaining a testimony

Everyone needs and Amulek- love this too and so need it

If you lack wisdom- James 1:5-6

Treating people like they are already what they can become

Live the WOW and plan of happiness- Monson

The Sacrament

Satan tries to convince us that the unselfish thing is to protect people from our mistakes by not confessing them

To Whom shall you go? Another favorite

Worship

Judging righteously

The Doctrine of Christ

Compound gears- love this one too

Crisis of faith

Keep the commandments in all circumstances

Teach your children

Let people repent

(many of these were repeated several times)

In addition I also had notes on nearly all that said "we just talked about this in seminary" "I just tried to explain this one to Jared" "Made me tear up" 

I loved it. There were definitely some themes of really strengthening our testimonies, learning to pray, not being deceived into not repenting, and that hard times are ahead. We better know who we are and whom we serve or we aren't going to make it through and just might find ourselves on the wrong mountain. The commandments are something we live at all times, not just when it's convenient. Not just when we don't have to vote for president. Not to be tossed out when we're trying to fit in or not be "too righteous." Whatever our excuse are. They will all factor into our ability to choose a hill and when the final battle comes and we are all called down into the valley of decision- we will only be on the side for which we have been living. Who we have become is what matters and that's not something you can "fix" at the last minute.

Wax Cold

I was preparing a lesson on Tuesday night on Matthew 24 and I was struck by the phrase "the love of many shall wax cold" in verse 12 amongst the signs of the second coming. Cold has a footnote next to it and there is also a JST.

I will start with the footnote for Matthew.

Cold- Apostasy of individuals

OK, now lets take that definition and replace the word cold in the verse:
"And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall cause apostasy among the people."

Let's now define apostasy from the dictionary. "The renunciation of a religious faith or abandonment of a previous loyalty (could also include political-currently I would say I have apostatized from the R party)"

The Topical Guide leads us on a better understanding of apostasy and what leads to it:
your heart turns away
Duet 29:18  to serve other gods of nations- it will bear poisonous fruit
1 King 11:9  Solomon's heart turned away after God appeared to him twice!
Jeremiah 17:5 cursed who trust in man - make flesh his arm

We also turn away from righteousness, trust our own righteousness. Without God we have no revelation. We have no root. 

We also know that this now puts our house on the sand which when the rains come down and the floods come up- the house will wash away. Matthew also warns us that wicked bring more wicked with them. Apostasy leaves us unprepared because we aren't following God's will. 

There are lots of great little areas to jump off and study from the topical guide, but now lets go to the JST Matthew. The footnote here leads you to Isaiah 9:19 where we learn that wax cold means that no man shall spare his brother. Also Mosiah 9:2 is a cautionary tale of being slow to remember the Lord. They became blood thirsty and wanted to kill their leader. 

I would say that I definitely see a lot of the signs of the second coming as laid out in Matthew. It will be interesting to see how we look back on this time in our history. It is a world that I never thought would be. We have slid all the way back to the beginning with racism. It is an upside down world we live in and It's hard to believe that this is where we are. Especially after studying the OT last year and the Lord cautioning the people that they didn't want a king but the people wanted to "be like all other nations." What do we have going on today? The very same argument. Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief at how very little we have learned from our history ( a history that many believe is only a fairytale).

Not to despair! A cool little thing happened to me while I was sitting in the temple this morning. I had started writing this post yesterday and started making notes a day or two before that. I decided to just open up and see where I landed. It was the 45th section of Doctrine and Covenants. It's signs of the second coming and talking about a lot of the same things as Matthew 24. Here was my wax cold again. I think it gives a clearer understanding in section 45. 

The big question is this: how do we keep our hearts from waxing cold? Matthew tells us we need to treasure up the word. First; don't be troubled for these things must come to pass. Then, Don't let ourselves be overcome, watch, prepare, be faithful, wise, and doing God's will. What does section 45 say? 

57 For they that are wise and have received the ^atruth, and have taken the Holy Spirit for their ^bguide, and have not been deceived—verily I say unto you, they shall not be hewn down and cast into the ^cfire, but shall abide the day.

Yesterday while reading my newsfeed on FB I saw a quote by President Eyring which went so perfectly with what I had been studying:

"As the challenges around us increase, we must commit to do more to qualify for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. 

Casual prayer won’t be enough. Reading a few verses of the scripture won’t be enough. Doing the minimum of what the Lord asks of us won’t be enough. Hoping that we will have the Atonement work in our lives and that we will perhaps sometimes feel the influence of the Holy Ghost won’t be enough. And one great burst of effort won’t be enough.

Only a steady, ever-increasing effort will allow the Lord to take us to higher ground."

That quote sounds like an inoculation from apostasy and the extra strength we will need to endure the trying times that precede the second coming. A little later I decided to pull up a BYU speech to listen to while I cleaned all the sand out of the windows so that they could be repaired. I decided to listen to "The Lord's Pattern" by Kim B Clark. While I was listening to it I realized that I had heard the same thing from him a year earlier at a Seminaries and Institute fireside. I had remembered being shocked when I heard him say this:

"whatever level of spirituality we now enjoy n our lives. Whatever degree of faith in Jesus christ we now have. Whatever strength of commitment and consecration. Whatever degree of obedience or hope or charity is ours, and whatever level of professional sell r abliliy we have obtained- IT WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT for the work that lies ahead." (emphasis added)

He continued by relaying that he pondered what it might mean to put on the whole armor of God and he learned to ask himself 2 questions:

*What am I doing that I should stop doing?

*What am I not doing that I should start doing?

I love how when we are searching and pondering and have a sincere desire to know the will of our Heavenly Father concerning who he wants us to be, what he wants us to know and what he wants us to be doing - HE WILL LEAD US THERE. I know it. I know it because I'm nothing special. He takes our efforts and magnifies them. I'm guided to many different sources to help me better understand. Sometimes what I'm learning becomes really clear and sometimes I learn something and don't know what it means to me, or how to apply it, or if I'm getting out of it what I'm supposed to. One thing I do know, is that it's always leading me to my personal mission. This specific exercise in study reveals a mission for all of us. The rest of that talk by Clark was about us being able to educate the world and help move the work forward in the climate we are in, but that it won't be easy and we are going to be asked to do increasingly more difficult things that we think we can't. The world will make it harder and harder to be righteous and to desire righteousness. Even the very elect will be deceived. We need protection from the storms that are headed our way. While the world crumbles around us in apostasy (cop killings, riots, terrorists, freedom erosion, no morality, complete breakdown of the family, Christianity on trial...), we don't have to. We can rise above and be a strength and a light and a testimony to the world of God's great love, mercy, and grace for those who turn to him through repentance and prepare themselves to join the family of God where they can find peace, rest and belonging. 

It's my goal to ask myself those 2 questions daily. I want to be part of the work. I teach early morning seminary and now online seminary as well. I also raise a family and have interactions with people everyday. I want to make a difference. I don't want to be deceived. I want to help people find their way to repentance and God. I want to be part of the solution and raise kids that can handle the battles of tomorrow. I can't do that without the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost and I can't obtain that without upping my commitment and letting go of my favorite sins. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. 

Not Today!

I wasn't feeling well today, but was tired of laying around being a bum. I decided that the best cure was to go and work on the blanket of weeds that was growing in the backyard due to all the rains we've been having. I had just been to the chiropractor yesterday and working this strenuously is not a good idea, but I'm stubborn. The kids and hubby got back from lunch and the first thing my youngest did was come out and chastise me for ruining my back. She said "you are in sooo much trouble!" The weeds still have to be taken care of even if my body can't handle it very well and my soul needs to work hard.

Jordyn decided that she was going to help me. She was cracking me up with her methods. At one point I mentioned that she may want to hold the scraping tool farther back, but she said that her method of choking up down at the bottom was better because: "you've got to put your back into it." she said. A little later she was looking for some more validation and showed me how she was getting the weeds out good with her 2 short scrapes followed by a long one to get the weeds. I told her that I really liked what she was doing and she said something to the effect "look and learn, look and learn." hahaha I let her take the victory of "teaching me" something.

We went about our work and she was talking about how hard pulling weeds is and that I had better enjoy her being out there because "this is my last time- I'm getting these good and gone, and don't forget I did this of my own will." I thought for a minute and decided to go where I always take things and it garners lots of eye rolls. I reminded her that weeds are never gone, just like satan is never gone and never not tempting us to sin. As soon as you pluck one out the next one is already growing. You have to stay strong and not give up. You have to say "you're not winning! Not today, not today!" If you start thinking about how the fight is never over you can become overwhelmed and decided it's not even worth the effort to try. Why bother, there will be more tomorrow. You have to take the fight one day at a time and say you're not winning, not today! Not today!

Jordyn connected with this analogy and decided to go with it. She was like " you have to hit hard and keep on hitting. Satan wants us to be sad about all the weeds (sin), but we've got to be happy. He thinks he can make us sad with all the weeds, but we need to by happy." She was so right. We kept this analogy going and she was getting excited to move on to the next really big patch because she knew how good it would feel to clear so much. That is exactly how we have to look at fighting off evil. Is it possible to get excited about clearing a large patch? Boy I'm sure going to have to try hard, but I've got a new way to see things now. And it's all thanks to my 12 year old daughter. We put on some music and were happy about clearing weeds for the rest of the afternoon. The best part? We did it together!

Part of the Stone

I was reading a talk by Neil L Anderson yesterday (Thursday-it's now Sunday) called: "A Classroom of Faith, Hope, and Charity." It was a CES devotional from 2014. On the way to my training this morning I was listening to my scriptures; 1 Nephi:20 and even more understanding began to flood my mind. I'm not sure that any of that information came out in my devotional or piecing together of the Lord's pattern was seen as seamlessly as things appear to me now. From my meeting I went straight over to the temple for an 8 am session. It wasn't until I was sitting in the celestial room and decided to open up the scriptures that this theme continued. 

I always marvel at how willing the Lord is to instruct us if only we will block out some time for him and devote ourselves to some pondering. 

I started off my devotional with a quote from the talk: 

"You are a most important part of the stone, cut without hands, rolling forth to fill the whole earth."

This picture of the stone rolling forth cut without hands comes to my mind. Especially after teaching OT last year. I taught this lesson. So what does it mean that we are "part of the stone?" What is the stone doing that's rolling forth? What is that statue? 

Here's the definition of the statue. It's important that the stone is cut without hands because the statue is made with hands. Statue- workmanship of man. Stone- workmanship of God. My listening to Nephi this morning help explain this in another way.

1 Hearken and hear this, O house of Jacob, who are called by the name of Israel, and are come forth out of the waters of Judah, or out of the waters of baptism, who swear by the name of the Lord, and make mention of the God of Israel, yet they swear not in truth nor in righteousness.

 2 Nevertheless, they call themselves of the holy city, but they do not stay themselves upon the God of Israel, who is the Lord of Hosts; yea, the Lord of Hosts is his name.

 3 Behold, I have declared the former things from the beginning; and they went forth out of my mouth, and I showed them. I did show them suddenly.

 4 And I did it because I knew that thou art obstinate, and thy neck is an iron sinew, and thy brow brass;

5 And I have even from the beginning declared to thee; before it came to pass I showed them thee; and I showed them for fear lest thou shouldst say—Mine idol hath done them, and my graven image, and my molten image hath commanded them.

 6 Thou hast seen and heard all this; and will ye not declare them? And that I have showed thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not know them.

 7 They are created now, and not from the beginning, even before the day when thou heardest them not they were declared unto thee, lest thou shouldst say—Behold I knew them.

 8 Yea, and thou heardest not; yea, thou knewest not; yea, from that time thine ear was not opened; for I knew that thou wouldst deal very treacherously, and wast called a transgressor from the womb.

 9 Nevertheless, for my name’s sake will I defer mine anger, and for my praise will I refrain from thee, that I cut thee not off.

10 For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.

 11 For mine own sake, yea, for mine own sake will I do this, for I will not suffer my name to be polluted, and I will not give my glory unto another....

 22 And notwithstanding he hath done all this, and greater also, there is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked.

The stone rolling forth is going to destroy the different kingdoms in the statue, but those kingdoms are a representation of the people in those kingdoms. The wickedness. The worship of man's knowledge and ways. The "statue" will be destroyed. Even though it's big, mighty, and fierce. I think of big huge Goliath being defeated by David's throwing of a little stone. That can't be mere coincidence. I think there is something to this statue being made out of metals. The Lord is talking about in Nephi about refining us and choosing us in the furnace of affliction. There is a refining of metals and a furnace to shape the metal. We think we are in control of this process and build up our statues- thinking and ways of doing things, when in reality it is the Lord and His work-not ours.

Back to our stone and us being apart of it. While I was sitting in the temple I opened up the Book of Mormon to wherever it wanted to go. It opened to section 4 of the Doctrine and Covenants.

1 Now behold, a marvelous work is about to come forth among the children of men.

 2 Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day.

 3 Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work;

 4 For behold the field is white already to harvest; and lo, he that thrusteth in his sickle with his might, the same layeth up in store that he perisheth not, but bringeth salvation to his soul;

 5 And faith, hope, charity and love, with an eye single to the glory of God, qualify him for the work.

 6 Remember faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, diligence.

7 Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Amen.

I felt that section was speaking of how to be part of that stone rolling forth. Having your eye single to the glory of God means not being confused between your abilities and God's. Always doing the will of God. Not deciding to do your own thing. Don't accidentally start building statues. Worshiping false idols. This is not your stone rolling forth. It wasn't created by man. 

What is another obligation we have as being part of this stone rolling forth? I just taught a lesson last week in seminary about the famous "judge not lest ye be judged" and what that really means. Judge righteously is always forgotten about in that. We absolutely have an obligation to judge, just not engage in final judgments. 

The next scripture I opened to was Ezekiel 3.  This specific chapter is regarding a prophet. He has eaten the doctrine (scrolls) of the gospel and it is sweet to him, therefore it's his obligation to share the message and to warn others of the consequences of remaining in sin. Are we prophets? No. Do we have the same obligation? Yes. We are all to be watchmen on the tours. We all have stewardships- people to whom we are accountable for. There are lots of example about our personal duty to warn throughout the scriptures and conference talks. This is just where I happened to open up to. When I taught this lesson in seminary we also went over our personal responsibility. I feel like I always have to qualify things like this because people get their panties in a twist whenever they think someone is telling them they have responsibilities only reserved for prophets. 

There is also a very specific role that missionaries have. What is it? Teach repentance. Who's a missionary? Every member a missionary. When you've tasted the fruit, you're supposed to share it. What is the fruit? The gospel. What is the all encompassing message of the gospel? How is the fruit sweet? Through keeping the commandments that the Lord has set forth to ensure our happiness. What's the only way that's possible? Through the atonement. How to we access that? By repentance. But that's judging people! No, that's God's judgements. Not yours. It is knowing that there are absolute truths. No one likes to think or believe that there are absolute truths. We like to live in the grey area. To say live and let live, God will work out the judgement. Well, yes. That's half true. God will work out the judgement, but we absolutely have an obligation to warn when someone is in danger. Here's what the Lord told Ezekiel. 

17 Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me.

 18 When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

 19 Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.

20 Again, When a righteous man doth turn from his righteousness, and commit iniquity, and I lay a stumblingblock before him, he shall die: because thou hast not given him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he hath done shall not be remembered; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

 21 Nevertheless if thou warn the righteous man, that the righteous sin not, and he doth not sin, he shall surely live, because he is warned; also thou hast delivered thy soul.

But how can we know if we need to say something or not? Man, that's the question of a lifetime. We pray and then do the best we can. The Lord answers that question a couple of verses later:

26 And I will make thy tongue cleave to the roof of thy mouth, that thou shalt be dumb, and shalt not be to them a reprover: for they are a rebellious house.

 27 But when I speak with thee, I will open thy mouth, and thou shalt say unto them, Thus saith the Lord God; He that heareth, let him hear; and he that forbeareth, let him forbear: for they are a rebellious house.

In the beginning of that chapter he cautions Ezekiel that not everyone will hear him. That it is up to the individual if he will accept the message or not. That is so hard. I know for me, when I feel like I'm following the spirit I expect different and happy results- that is not always what is going to happen. Here's what the Lord said earlier:

 7 But the house of Israel will not hearken unto thee; for they will not hearken unto me: for all the house of Israel are impudent and hardhearted.

 8 Behold, I have made thy face strong against their faces, and thy forehead strong against their foreheads.

 9 As an adamant harder than flint have I made thy forehead: fear them not, neither be dismayed at their looks, though they be a rebellious house.

 10 Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, all my words that I shall speak unto thee receive in thine heart, and hear with thine ears.

 11 And go, get thee to them of the captivity, unto the children of thy people, and speak unto them, and tell them, Thus saith the Lord God; whether they will hear, or whether they will forbear.

It is the same for us. We have children, family members, friends that are choosing wrong paths. We pray, we plead, we search for the correct way to help. If you're like me you get caught up in he doing everything right and expecting saving results. The truth is that it is up to the individual you are trying desperately to help if they want the help. The trick is not loosing hope. Not giving up because it looks like your efforts aren't making a difference. We can't see the final judgement. We have no idea. Our responsibility is to keep trying, keep warning and trust that when our mouth needs to be bound it will. I know that it will because my mouth has been bound. We get ourselves confused on what compassion is. We think we should have the motto live and let live. That's again half right. When they've been told they are choosing wrong and still want to you've got to let them live in the choice and still love them and look for opportunities to warn when you can. But it is not compassion to see sharks swimming in the water and not tell your friend because you don't want to ruin their swimming experience. They will be eaten by a shark by your so called compassion. That's not compassion, that's you being scared of them not liking you anymore because you told them something they didn't want to hear. The Savior didn't come to earth to make friends, he came to save souls. Read the NT and you will see just how many "friends" he had. They hung him on a cross!

Where we started with the talk about faith, hope, and charity, is where we will end. It is our duty to figure out how to warn in love. How to learn the doctrine before we can preach it. How to be part of the stone rolling forth to dispel falsehoods, to destroy wickedness, to bring light to the world with the pure truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ through the atonement. Once we figure out how to do this like the Savior would, our mortal test will be over. As the days grow darker and more wicked it will be more and more difficult to remain faithful, hopeful and full of charity. We have to understand the danger within ourselves if we have any hope of helping anyone else along the path. 

The most frustrating thing for me is feeling like I have gained a deeper understanding of something and then failing miserably at putting it down into a cohesive thought that makes any kind of sense or comes close to what I feel like I learned. It took me a couple of days to come back to this because when I started writing it I suddenly realized I was in over my head trying to piece this together. If nothing else I hope that what came through all my attempts to connect is that there is a definite connection and pattern to the Lord. All things have a purpose and all things testify of each other. The gospel is true. God is the orchestrator of all things. All things work together for our understanding and benefit and strengthen us when we see how purposeful the Lord is in all that he does- down to the smallest of details. His works are glorious to behold and for some reason He wants us to be part of it. He wants to share it with us. 

Feeling Good

Normally I would look up a bunch of quotes or find a talk to base my comments on, but yo! That takes a lot of time! Oooh, but I just thought of something else I can add...

So quick story. Nate and I were out to lunch on Saturday after having been to the temple. We were standing in line at our favorite taco place and someone came into the line behind us. Nate and I were laughing about something and he made a comment about it being a good time to get lunch.  We smiled and agreed with him. He then said "are you guys selling something? You must be selling something." Nate told him that we weren't but that we had just been to "church."

We found a seat and starting chowing down on some seriously good tortillas. When we were finishing up the same man came to our table and said "I just have to tell you that you guys just look like goodness." We smiled again and thanked him for his kindness. As he was walking away I wondered if I should have said something like "let me tell you why." I never know how to pull something like that off. I probably would have told the man while we were back inline that we were at the temple, but Nate had answered so I just went with that. You never really know if you are supposed to do more with your opportunities or just let them be a nice moment. Hopefully I didn't let the Lord down. But, he made our day and at least for 1 moment we were radiating the light of Christ or the face of Christ for someone to see. Pretty cool.

The other thing I thought of happened yesterday. I had to take Jordyn to get an immunization. I went to the pharmacy because we don't have a primary physician. They all keep leaving so I gave up. We rarely go to the dr anyway. Healthcare.....aint it awesome? Not! Anyway, when we were leaving Jordyn wanted to check on Jared at his new job. I told her that we could drive past and see if maybe he was out gathering shopping carts. I spotted him out of the corner of my eye and tried to quickly make my way toward him in the car before he went inside the store. When we got close enough I had Jordyn jump out of the car to try and catch him. He was turning around to come back outside. His first words were "do you have any water? someone stole my water bottle." We just so happened to have a water bottle and he chugged it down and went about his way. Jordyn then said to me "mom, that was like one of those things." I said "you mean, a fleck of gold." "yes, one of those." I agreed with her!

Later that night I asked Jordyn to re-tell the story to Nate while Jared was sitting there. He clarified and said that he could have gone in to find one so it wasn't that great. Well, guess what. His water was stolen at 8 am and it was now 1 pm. Obviously he wasn't sure how to solve the problem with his anxiety. So it most certainly was a fleck of gold!

Jared then offered up what he thought was "an interesting thing that happened that was probably not God." OK, I'm in. Let's hear it. He then described wondering if someone he worked with was from France or maybe had a speech problem. He wasn't sure and it was bugging him. Once that kid's mind gets going it doesn't stop. He was really wanting to know and trying to decide how a kid with anxiety finds stuff like this out. Well no sooner had he thought about how to figure it out, he went outside and she was talking to someone and they were talking about being french. I love that he wondered if God cared about him enough to answer a simple question. He did say that he knew that that was indeed what God was saying to him.

I believe that's wonderful and a testimony beginning to take shape. Sometimes God can't answer the big questions we have. Or answer them in a way that satisfies us. But, he can give us little flecks of gold along the way to keep us going. let us know He knows and cares so that our faith will build and eventually we will be ready for the bigger questions to be answered. We forget that some things can't be answered until we are ready to hear the answer. Because once we hear, then we can't deny and we are held accountable to that knowledge.

I've also had many small miracles occur over the last month where I know Heavenly Father is opening the way before me and reaffirming my faith that He is at the helm of the ship Zion and all I have to do is move forward in trust and faith and all thing will work together for my good and for the good of my children. I do not have to take council from my fears if I have this knowledge. It's pretty awesome. That story is coming when I finally sit down to write about it with the new school in one post.  That one will take more time and brain power so I'm procrastinating.

Last Days...Before College

How are Emma and I spending our last few days together? First up was teaching her how to remove the hair from her bathtub. I need it all shiny and working properly for all the guest I will have over staying in her room! I love the headlamp and gloves. She was pretty grossed out and I explained that that was why she was doing this job and not me. Her hair. Her tub. Her mess. Thank goodness for youtube teaching us how to do everything. Especially after there was a debate on how the lift and twist drain should be removed. Guess who was right? Yep, Mom still knows best. 

 I decided to be nice and clean up a suitcase for her. She's not a fan of the color, but it's free! And, orange happens to be my favorite color so she should feel extra special that I'm letting her use it. I tried the magic 1 to 1 ratio of dawn and vinegar along with a scrub brush and a hose. It worked great except that it will probably suds for the rest of it's life every time it come in contact with water. The picture didn't really capture just how nasty it was looking. 

Emma is pretty proud that she got a bed full of clothes all stuffed in there. She says it's everything...except for coats....shoes....dresses...and everything else!

She asked me today if she could start stacking everything in the living room so she could see what she had and make room to pack up the rest of her room for storage. She told me when she caught me photographing it that I was under no circumstances to post it on fb or she threatened that she would never come home ever again! Sheesh. Well, she didn't say anything about my blog! 

I'm taking bets from the kids on how much of this will be returning home with me because it doesn't fit in the dorm. 

Seriously though, I'm pretty excited for her and this new adventure. I only went to 1 year at the community college in my hometown. She is going away and getting a nursing degree. So proud!

Closer to the Edge

Just days before we took our daughter to college orientation I noticed something strange. A bald patch in my bangs. While we were at the college staying in a hotel with bright harsh lighting, I began to take a closer look. Maybe the examination was due to the harsh realities of my old age and having a daughter in college. Whatever the reason, it wasn't a good time to investigate. But, investigate I did. 

As anyone would expect when you are staring at cold hard facts that you are aging and going to by ugly...you naturally freak out. By freak out I mean, I had to search for an app that would allow me to draw arrows on my picture. I had to pursue the internet for hair loss solutions. I ordered a mega pack of hair loss solutions while sitting in that over lit bathroom of doom! My husband and daughter had to stage an intervention right there in the hotel bathroom. 

The first picture has the fateful night with the arrows and the one below is tonight.

 I don't know, it might be getting bigger. I have asked everyone I know if it looks like the hair is permanently gone. My husband wouldn't even admit that there was a bald spot for days. He swore there was hair in that bald patch. People think I'm crazy, but apparently I care about my looks more than I thought I did. Apparently hair loss freaks me out. Don't worry! I was told. Wigs are great! I was told. I don't know what came over me. The reality of my age and that I'm only getting older smacked me in the face. Honestly, I didn't think I cared that much. 

I did tons of research on hair loss solutions and why they say "for men" and they are only for "the crown" of the head. Well, I'm not balding in my crown and I'm not a man! I have only dabbed a drop on there every couple days or so just in case my face decides to grow a beard. 

This next picture is another angle from the hotel bathroom o the top and tonight which is about 3 weeks later. 

What kind of weird thing could have happened? It was pretty itchy there for a few days which I attributed to a possible scalp burn from our vacation in Park City and Yellowstone the week previous. I've never scratched my hair off before so that seems weird. Whatever caused it, I am praying that it comes back in and that it isn't spreading like I fear it is. Especially since my hair started loosing more when I brush. It's never fun running your fingers through wet hair and having enough to wig a barbie. 

I have even resorted to putting brow liner in there to cover it up. while I was painstakingly applying it all I could think of was the informercial with the spray paint for your bald spots. My SIL got it as a gag gift for my FIL one year for Christmas and it was hilarious....at least at the time. Now I want to slap myself for laughing at his bald head. 

So, there you have it. I'm that much closer to falling off the edge of sanity...and old age.  

Hard Choices

My life has been filled with some pretty hard choices lately. One of which was going in and speaking with the Temple president about my volunteer position. I love that man btw. We had a great council together. The purpose of the visit? To ask to be released- which I would rather die than ever do something like that. But it was necessary, so I did.

Asking for the release and getting it was a leap of faith. It was a leap because I love working at the temple. I didn't want to give it up. The president teased me about the release but ultimately signed my pink slip. Yes, it was actually a pink slip of paper. I did get a nice certificate of honorable release in the mail though. 

What caused this need for a release? My craziness, that's what. I heard about a charter school in Edgewood and decided that my kids need to go. What does that mean for me? 4 hours of commute time. I'm going to hopefully write up a full post on the school later. perhaps tomorrow. anyway I decided that it was time to put my body where my mouth is and do something about the education my kids are getting. If I wanted the world to change, I had better be willing to help. My way of helping is to give my kids a patriotic, constitutional, character driven, classic teaching methods education so they could help change the world. 

As another consequence of this decision I may end up losing my seminary calling as well. I have been on a ledge trying to see how this could possibly be part of the plan. I was near to having a full blown panic attack that I will lose 2 of the most important things in my life just so I can drive my kids to school everyday that's 55 minutes away. 

I took a step back and remembered that if I wanted to be a stripping warrior mother than I need to act like one. Making my kids education my priority was my new full time job and what is more important than that? 

I took a pretty big leap of faith. It's not anything that I can adequately articulate nor explain and I know no one really gets it, but that's ok. I seem to do different well so I may as well just stick with it. 

When You 'Bout...

I'm back! At least for now. I'm trying. Really, I am. I've had several posts that I just haven't gotten around to. There has not been a lack of interesting things going on. Quiet the contrary. I'm going to be really sad looking at this gaping hole of records this last year or so have been. Oh well.

How to say things without saying them is always the dilemma. So, I'm gonna do the best I can.

I have a friend. I was faced with a situation that I was trying to decide if I should allow myself to be a part of. Would I be making things worse? Would I be starting a fight that isn't mine? My husband didn't think I should do anything. After I explained what I was going to do and my 19 year old daughter and her friend agreed to go with me to keep me out of trouble, he consented to let me go and help the wife of said friend.

Let me just say, I was ready for a fight. My friend is clueless. heartless. spiritually lost. insensitive. damaging. hurtful. and a liar. I could not believe he was doing what he was and a stand needed to be made.

So, me and the girls loaded up and my daughter was teaching me all of the south valley expressions she has been learning while working as a medical assistant at Dad's office. I was lost in thought on how exactly I was going to handle this situation when Emma said; "wait, are we really going to start a fight with someone while listening to songs about Jesus?" We all started laughing because it was one of my favorites that says 'there is power in the name of Jesus, there is power, power in his name..." It was too funny. When you 'bout to go beat someone up while listening to songs about Jesus...oops. my bad!  You just can't make this stuff up! We really weren't going with the intent of beating anyone up, but we were ready if the opportunity presented itself because let's face it, what do you think is going to happen in a situation like this. I knew we needed divine intervention to not have a war break out.

I had been praying for the right words to say and for God's will to be done. All I knew was that I had to draw a line in the sand. My friend needed to know where I stood on his behavior and that he was being cruel.

I can't really go into the rest of the details. Only that my powers of speech were bound. I said nothing but "hello." Then we just had a stare off. Then I collected the wife and one of the children and we left the house. The other one went and hid. Which being a child of divorce myself and the oldest I completely understand. It is so hard navigating the loyalty waters of divorce. It just plain stinks.

Here's what I got out of the night. I could see what it is like to have the battle lines drawn. You are each on your side. North vs South. Brother vs Brother. I could see how it must have been during the civil war. If you came across a friend fighting the other side. You would look at each other and say "really? is this where we are? Is this what we are going to do?" It made me think of the picture I took at the fine arts museum in Houston. It's called "Recognition: North and South"

This is what it looks like to be on opposite sides and mourn because of it. The senselessness of it. I was not in a physical war with my friend, but a spiritual war and we are on opposite sides of the battlefield. I could see how I would be forced to shoot and then I would immediately go and comfort because of love. Or to stumble upon him on the field and then mourn over him. Unfortunately in this spiritual war I cannot offer my comfort until he decides to reach out for help. until then, I mourn alone. There was no comforting at the end of my standoff on the battlefield of truth and righteousness against sin and bondage with my friend. At least not yet.

Here's what else I gained from the night: bonding with my daughter. She got to participate in something valiant and feel good about it. She and her friend were showered with gratitude and hugs for their rescuing efforts. Emma also got to see me in action. I did speak while at the house to another girl that was there and explained to her why we were there. That earned me the nickname of "savage" from my daughter. It's not like I was being mean. She was being very understanding and kind about the situation and actually said "wow, that's a great friend or I would like a friend like that" something to that effect about what the purpose of my visit was. I just got to the point and was direct about it. I guess that was "savage" haha. I'll take it because it was said with respect and meant more like hero.

The last thing? There is power in the name of Jesus. For real. The situation turned out like it did because of the power of God. From my friend being out of the house when I got there so things had even more time to defuse. to the girl I had the conversation with that went so well, to my mouth being bound. To an apology for cruel behavior that was offered later to the wife. Sometimes we are called to make a stand and it won't be easy and you won't be sure of what to do or say, but you've got to stand. I knew I didn't want this to turn ugly and hoped and prayed I didn't do anything that would turn it into that. The last days are going to be filled with hard things like this. The battle lines have been drawn. Which side are you on? In Mark 13 it talks about the second coming. It's not pretty. This situation is what it will look like. Friendships and families will be torn apart. The question is, can we withstand it and endure to the end? It will take power!