Fragile

There are lots of fragile things around us. For example. Our faith in humanity is pretty fragile at times.  Especially when a hotel can't trust it's guests to not steal the iron. Apparently this is a problem.  It's also a dangerous tripping hazard when the only outlet is across the room from the tied down iron and board. It saddens me that people can't be trusted not to steal an iron.  

What else is fragile?  Bird's nests. The nest decided to wait until we returned home from Utah to get blown off the hanging light on our porch.  How sad it that? There was even a little egg that was smashed. I've never looked inside a nest before so when I got the opportunity, I was surprised at how comfy it was on the inside. It was all billowy soft in there. Its and incredible masterpiece. What great care that momma bird took in making such a nice home. I'm waiting to see if she will rebuild or if she's moved on.  

The ability to recognize when one is happy is also very fragile.  Luckily our Heavenly Father, in His infinite wisdom, placed us in families so that we could remind each other of our happiness.  Sometimes you need evidence that you are happier than you think you are.  Yep, there's the illusive smile.  When we aren't trying so hard to convince ourselves of our misery we might actually find that we are quite content.  Unfortunately I suffer from this same affliction and my husband has to point out to me my happy moments.  

Our family relationships are fragile.  It's always hard trying to figure out what I can and cannot say here.  Fingers crossed that the intent comes across.

Sometimes in the process of being individuals and trying to understand each other, we can let ourselves become angry and subsequently a cavern of distance begins to grow between us. If left unchecked that cavern only deepens with further hurt and misunderstanding. 

Miracles can happen when we decide to put aside our fears and doubts.  Magical donut things can happen.  Through a set of events that looked like both parties weren't interested in seeing each other, when time was taken to resolve the matter instead of assume, we found our way to each other after years of separation.  A donut truck making piping hot pillows of heaven topped with all manner of delightful pleasures sure doesn't hurt in fostering a reunion of this type. 

There is nothing that should ever keep family apart. Our family has titled this experience "the donut miracle."  OK, seriously look at those donuts.  Mine was the lemon bar.  It had lots of powdered sugar and lemon custard and it was delish....and also very fragile.  The donuts were so soft they had a hard time holding their shape and not falling apart.  

My ability to not let myself ruin my day is very fragile.  When something starts to bug me, it is hard for me to recover.  My family has to suffer because of it.  It frustrates me that I get stuck and can't seem to dig my way out of my feelings.  I was all excited for conference and then for some reason I woke up in a fowl mood and it just spiraled worse from there. By the time we got to our seats none of my family was talking to me. Jordyn even refused to take a picture with me when I decided that it was time to recover this mess that I had made for myself. Sometimes you've just got to persevere against the darkness.

Our testimonies are another very fragile thing.  I felt pretty strongly that I should ask Jared to think of a question for conference to seal up and reveal after.  It took him until we were driving to the Saturday morning session for him to finally write something down.  Luckily I just so happened to have an envelope in my purse from the previous Sunday (Ethan's class wrote thank you letters to their moms).  We also scrounged up a note pad and then he finally had to commit something to paper.  He didn't want to write anything religious because that would be too easy.  Anything could count as an answer.  He didn't tell me what he wrote except to say that he wanted to pick something non-religious.  This got me worried thinking that he was looking for someone to mention string theory or something.  Maybe say something about dragons.  Who knows.  I had been pleading for a couple weeks like Alma prayed for his son Alma the younger that somehow, some way he would receive an answer.  

When you live with a crazy person like me, conference weekend can be a bit long.  That's 9 hours of conference that we watched.  Every single session, including priesthood.  Well, he was not into it and was watching videos and playing around on his phone most of the time.  Nate was secretly glad because he didn't believe in my miracle and figured he could blame Jared and his lack of paying attention for not receiving the answer when he didn't get it.  

As each session passed and I didn't hear anything science related that I figured was enough of an answer, my own faith started to waiver.  I heard lots of things that I thought would help him, but knew he wasn't hearing them.  We had already discussed on the car ride to the saturday morning session how we receive answers.  We discussed that the person talking doesn't have to use exact words or even really talk specifically about what was asked, but that the Holy Ghost could convey truth in a number of ways.

It wasn't until Tuesday night that I finally had the courage to ask him about it.  I couldn't just not follow up.  That would make me look bad. I asked him where he had put the envelope.  I was braced for anything that was coming my way.  Like I lost it.  You can't see it.  That was stupid and didn't work.  I was ready.  He was happy when he responded "I'm not sure what happened to it, I think it might be in my suit jacket."  When I asked if the jacket were hanging in the closet and if I could retrieve it he said "yes, it's hanging up, I'll go get it."  I thought he was going to get it and destroy it so I said "It's ok, I'll go get it" to which he said "no, I'll go get it.  I'll come back.  I left my laptop on your bed so you know I'm coming back."  

When he got back I'm like "so...?" 

 "I'm calling it 1 for 2"

"you got 1 answer?!"

"yeah, but I didn't get the other one"

"you got an answer?!"

I cannot describe the joy I felt by the look on his face when he said he got an answer.  He even let me look at the paper and keep it.  

Question 1: unity of science and faith

he felt like that wasn't addressed

Question 2: grace and requirement for heaven

this is a subject we have talked a lot about and he loves the talk by Brad Wilcox called "Grace."  I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to call him up and tell him that my son is taking everything he said out of context and misrepresenting the truths he was trying to speak of.  What did Uchtdorf talk about Sunday morning?  Grace!  My favorite line from that talk was "obedience is the reaching out of our hands to receive the gift of grace."  What was also funny is that on our way into the conference center there was a protestor yelling that we don't need works to get into heaven and how Mormons need to repent of their phony repentance.  Jared thought it funny and remarked "that guy is just lazy and doesn't want to do anything."  I was actually a little shocked since I thought he would think the guy was onto something per our previous conversations.  That experience might have been the opening to be ready to hear what Uchtdorf said Sunday morning.  

My own faith in what I knew was even fragile.  I began to fear and have doubt that I didn't actually receive inspiration.  What a lesson I had in trust.  Trusting that Jared is Heavenly Father's son and he knows what he needs and when he needs it.  I needed to have faith that I was told that I needed him to write down a question and that it would be answered.  Sometimes it can look like we have been set up for failure but we've got to remain strong and faithful and trust.  

What got me thinning about fragility was Gerald Causse's talk in conference.  He said:

"Our ability to marvel is fragile." His talk reminded me of the "flecks of gold" that we are trying to help our seminary students see.  If we aren't looking, we won't see with our spiritual eyes, and our ability to see is based upon our willingness to see.  Each time we marvel, our ability to marvel is strengthened and we begin to see more and more.  I want (and I want everyone around me) to have "eyes that see and ears that hear." 

I would have to say that the coolest moment came for me when Elder Bednar spoke Saturday afternoon.  First of all, the last 2 times he has spoken sunday afternoon and I've almost missed it because I was having to leave Utah.  This time my husband took pity on me and my craziness and decided that this time we would leave on Monday so I didn't have to miss anything.  

What did Elder Bednar talk about?  Fear.  I had just written a blog post on the 31st  about fear, and here he was giving the most amazing talk on it.  Seriously, forget everything I said and read his talk!  Amazing and I marvel to know that we are thinking about the same thing.  That is the power of the Holy Ghost.  Teaching each of God's children individually, but with the same message.  Teaching it to the level of understanding each student has.  

There were several times this conference where I wrote something down that were thoughts or experiences that I was having instead of just notes.  One in particular was when President Packer was speaking. We were in the conference center and it was really hard to understand what he was saying and he was speaking very softly.  My brain was working really hard to try and understand him.  What I should have been using instead was the spirit.  I looked over at Jordyn who was taking tons of notes.  She looked at me saying "this is my favorite talk, look how many notes I have."  It testified to me that the Holy Ghost is real and powerful and miraculous and personal and the master teacher.  Another note I made was while L Tom Perry was speaking Jordyn turned to me and said "I feel the spirit when I'm in the same room as Thomas S Monson."  Her saying that reminds me of last conference when someone said something about not taking for granted the feelings of love you have for the prophet.  Those feelings are a gift of the spirit.  Or something like that.  I wish I could remember who said it.  

I hope I never lose the ability to marvel at all God's creations (like beautiful snow capped mountains) and the miracles he is working in my life every single day.  How can I ensure that?  Follow the counsel of Elder Causse who gave us 3 things to do (according to my notes):

1. Never tire of discovering or re-descovering the gospel.  Hunger and thirst after special knowledge everyday.

2. anchor faith in plain and simple truths

3. seek and cherish companionship of the Holy Ghost