Locked Out

I spent last weekend in my hometown. It was a surprise visit to see my parents. They were completely shocked. While I was home we decided to go and visit the Portland temple. I knew before we left that the temple was closed for cleaning because I happened to look online to see if they had clothing rental so I knew whether or not to pack my clothing. When I realized that it was actually closed I was pretty bummed. It's been forever since I've been back inside that temple. It has the famous 2 story celestial room that I wanted to go and be in again. Well, there was no turning back on my trip just for that, so I just accepted it and moved on. 

We were so close to the temple that I figured we could at least go and look at it and then all wouldn't be a loss. I had forgotten how big it is and how majestic surrounded by all the trees and vegetation. The visitor center was open so we went inside and had a nice conversation with the missionaries and looked at pictures of the dedication in 1989. 

We walked the grounds and remembered the day we were sealed for all time and eternity on May 13, 1994. I wanted Nate to recreate one of the pictures from our wedding, but he refused, so I had to. It was so fun remembering that day and all the feelings and hopes and dreams we had and to know where we are now. We have lived and grown so much since then. 

What I didn't expect was a feeling that washed over me when we were walking back to the car with the reality of not being able to go inside. It was this feeling of being locked out and it hurt my heart and brought tears to my eyes. It was a feeling that I never wanted to feel. Knowing what was inside and not being able to be there. It felt like a 5 foolish virgins moment. The Savior coming and saying that I could not gain entrance because I hadn't prepared. I hope to never feel that feeling for real. After I had that moment it then turned into a longing for home, our real home, and knowing that it wasn't time for me to return yet. That knowledge made me sad because I do have a deep yearning for home and being able to live in the presence of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.