Jordyn and I were driving together either on our way to or from school when we saw the lady that I had noticed several times walking along the highway. She is always a long way from anything and I've wondered where she's going and how much time she spends walking. That particular day I said to Jordyn, 'I wonder what her name is.' We then began to wonder if she was homeless, why she walks etc.. We decided that we should get her a Christmas present and that it should probably be something that she could use while she is walking- like a hat and gloves. Now, we weren't sure if she was homeless because she didn't have a cart with her, but she is always wearing several layers of clothing with a prairie dress as the outer layer and she always has an umbrella open.
I went to the store and bought a few things and then I kept thinking, 'well, maybe she needs this and maybe she needs this too.'
I got home and laid out all the stuff and felt a little ridiculous. I had spent $40 on a complete stranger who I had no idea if she would be offended at such an offering, but I got out the smallest gift bag I thought would hold everything and still allow her to get where she was going without it being too cumbersome. When Jordyn got home from school I had her place the items in it and put it in the car for the next time we saw her. We went over a week without seeing her again. Which was enough time for me to consider once again that it wasn't inspiration I had received. Learning to discern inspiration is hard.
Now it's a Tuesday. I had been contemplating driving into town to pick up a prescription at Costco. I had procrastinated until I had a very small window in which to actually go before I had to be back to pick the kids up from school. I had decided to not go when I got a call from Nate saying that a rep had brought in barbecue from one of our favorite places and that if I wanted it for dinner I had to come pick it up because he'd be home late. That helped me to make my decision and then I was left to decide which stop to make first. I decided to pick up the food first and then stop at Costco. I had also brought our new little puppy and was trying to decide if I should just carry her in to get the prescription or leave her in the car. I changed my mind like 3 times and eventually decided to leave her in the car. I mean seriously! Look at how tiny and adorable she was!
So I'm in line at the pharmacy and the old man I had seen over at the far wall looking at a tower of goods was now laying flat of the floor. It took me a min to register that that wasn't what I should be seeing and that something was wrong. I stood there for a min wondering if I should lose my place in line and go help him or if someone else would come to his rescue or if he was praying desperately that no one saw him laying on the floor and if I went to him I would make him feel worse. I got called up and got my prescription. I kept thinking; 'surely someone has seen him by now and will help him.' Well, I was done very quick and he had made it to all fours at this time and was trying to use his cart to pull himself up. I was so worried that his cart was going to take off and make him fall again. I ran over there, grasped his arm and asked if I could help him. He said he was alright and I told him that I begged to differ. I was trying to figure out what I needed to do because he had used all his energy to pull himself up and he was shaking pretty badly at this point. He was probably in his 80's and was very frail. I knew I needed to get him sitting down and resting before he could continue on. Luckily I found a chair in the hearing aid booth we were standing next to and I ran and grabbed it. I then braced the cart with one foot and the chair with my other foot, held him with my 1 free arm and lowered him to the chair. I knelt down next to him and asked him if he had more shopping to do and if I could go and get the items for him while he sat there and waited for me. He again said he was fine. I just kept wondering, who loves you, who knows you're here, why did they let you come shopping alone. It was all I could do to keep from crying. I asked him about himself and he told me about his wife and how she was very ill and how he had an infection in his ankle. He just had a resigned attitude about the situation him and his wife were in and they were just living as best they could without complaint. I'm sure his shopping trip was an all day event from getting ready to getting there and back. I begged him to please let me help him more, but he just kept smiling and telling me he was alright. I asked him who his dr was taking care of his ankle and he told me it was urgent care. I had a buisness card in my wallet for my husband and asked him to please go and see him so that he could get his ankle better so that he could take care of his wife. She needed him to get better. I was hoping he would take me up on it and I would call the office and tell them not to charge him. I will mention that when I first got over to him the lady working at the hearing aide booth came over to see if he was ready to talk to her. She wanted him to walk over there right that minute. I looked at her incredulously and said "he just fell on the floor right in front of you. No one helped him and he needs to rest a min." She seemed unfazed and annoyed. She must have had a come to Jesus with herself because she came back a few min later with a few appointment times written on a post-it note so that she could try and schedule something with him right there. My new friend decided that he was ready to walk over and sit down to schedule something so I helped him up and watched him slowly shuffle the couple of steps over to the clinic. I wish he would have let me see him safely to his car. I remembered that I didn't know his name yet and I touched his arm again and said, 'I don't know your name.' He said it was Bob and I told him mine and wished him a very merry Christmas. I was in the right place at the right time to be able to help this sweet man who didn't want anything from me.
It's now Thursday. I was driving to pick up the kids from school and there she was. Our mystery lady. She was on the other side of the street than she had normally been. I hoped that she would still be there when I was making my way home with the kids so that they could give her the gift with me. As luck would have it, she was still walking and I was able to pull into a little place ahead of her and walk back toward her so she could see us coming and we weren't sneaking up on her. Ethan and his anxiety stayed in the car and Jordyn and I went out and greeted her. It was at that point we could see the sad state she was in. The matted wig and fake fur coat and layers of tattered clothing. We told her that we see her all the time and that we wanted to know her name (it's Lydia) and give her a gift because we were wanting to spread the light of Jesus Christ by doing something nice for someone, and since we see her almost everyday we thought we should know who she was and do something for her. She then asked. 'so you believe in God?' I told her that I did and then she started looking through her purse to show me an ad that she had just picked up on the side of the road with a Christmas tree on it like the one that was on the gift bag I had given her. She said; 'God told me he was going to send someone to help me today and this is the proof (the ad) that it's you.'
Now, listen. You're preaching to the choir about revelation and acting on promptings from the Lord, but I started getting cynical. I thought, yeah right?! But, ok, since I believe that's what happened it doesn't matter if I think you're out to manipulate me into giving you more than the gift we had already handed over. She then told me that God told her that this person that was going to help her would buy her 10 bottles of kerosene. At this point I realize there is only one way this woman is getting kerosene and getting it to her home. She's got to get in the car with me, my 2 kids, and new puppy. At this point I'm thinking. Mayday. Mayday. Abort mission. Abort mission. Now I'm assessing the situation and wondering if this is something I have to do or should I just remind her of the gift she got and make a run for the car. It was looking like a pretty solid plan to make a run for the car until a thought came to my mind about the good samaritan. Specific details came to my mind. How the Samaritan not only stopped to help, but took him to an inn and paid for his room and left money for any expenses and then promised to return and pay any extra that was used. He really went the extra mile. Why was I thinking about this story while standing next to a woman who is clearly crazy because while all this is going down in my mind she mentions that she also needs to go to walmart in addition to tractor supply where the kerosene is. Visions of dollar signs went dancing through my head. This woman now sees me as an ATM machine or Santa Clause. Surely the Lord does not expect me to do this! But, I found myself leading her to our car. How could I ditch her after thinking about the good Samaritan? Luckily Ethan was able to keep his anxiety in check -especially now that we had her in the car with us. Now is a good time to mention that at no point did I feel scared or threatened or in danger. Scared about how much money this was going to cost me, yeah sure, but not sacred for my life or that of my kids.
We go to tractor supply where I learn that these bottles of kerosene are $10 each. She keeps telling me how many God wants her to get and I had to reply that God was only telling me to get 6. He really wasn't that I'm aware of, but I knew that I still had a walmart trip happening and I was getting in deep financially. I kept asking in my mind. Is this what you really want me to do? How much do I need to do? Is this enough? Am I allowed to negotiate? The wheels were seriously spinning a million miles a minute. An employee had to be called over because the only bottles were on the top shelf. When he realized how many we needed he tried to help me save money by buying a larger container but Lydia wasn't having it. She kept talking about how it would spill and this was her only source of heat and anytime he tried to offer her a solution she felt like he was telling her she was doing something wrong. The crazy train was steaming down the tracks at this point. It became very apparent that I wasn't dealing with a sane person. I finally had to turn to the lovely man and tell him that I appreciate that he was trying to save me money and his solution was a superior one, but that I was just going to have to do the non-economical thing and buy the 6 bottles that would only heat her home for 3 days -at least that's what she told me when I was trying to figure out how many God wanted me to buy for her.
On to walmart we go. This story is getting longer than I have the patience to keep writing. In a nutshell. She wanted lots of stuff. I finally had to start treating her like a 5 year old. With each new thing she said she really needed and was on her list that God told her to write, (which I saw the list and it looked like a story she had written out and not a list) I would have to say; You can have this or that, not both. This happened several times. My kids were going nuts by this point. We spent forever looking for 5,000 uv protection sunglasses because God wanted her to protect her eyes better. It was no use arguing with her that they don't make such a thing. Then she was arguing with the woman behind the deli counter over the fact that they don't cook pizzas there but Lydia insisted that they did. The woman told her the only cooked pizza she would have seen came from Dominos delivery for an employee. Guess what she wanted me to do next? Order her a pizza. Now, we did get her things that a person needs to stay warm. Slippers, a blanket, a sweater, some food, some candles because she doesn't have electricity. I could hardly turn someone down for essentials. 100 dollars later she was asking me to order her a dominos pizza and have it delivered to her house before it got dark because it's hard to find. She reminded me that it had to already be cooked because she doesn't have electricity. Well, turns out there's a minimum order for delivery and over 16 dollars later I had a pizza coming to her house.
We finally get loaded into the car and heading toward her house. I found out that when she goes out walking she's gone for 6 hours. I believe it because from where we picked her up to where she lives was a 20 min drive. We finally make it to her trailer and it's obvious there's no electricity and there are torn sheets on the windows. I unload everything and find a way to quietly remind my son where my gun is in case there's trouble. She then wanted to go inside and write me a thank you card. At this point I am losing control of my environment and felt like it was stupid to let her go into her house and just stay there and wait. Besides the fact that it had been 3 hours with this woman and I decided I was done. I wanted no reason to prolong this visit. I got in my car and we drove away before she could come back out. I felt bad because she walked after us for a little bit and I probably should have turned around, but I thought we could just be like Santa Clause and ride off into the night.
So, two very different experiences. The first wanted nothing and his smile warmed my heart. The second wanted and wanted and wanted some more. At one point I felt like asking her how much money she thinks is appropriate for me to spend on her. What I did know for sure was that whether or not she was taking advantage of me, I would not like to be living her life. She had nothing. However, I came home from that experience mad and feeling stupid and when I told my husband about the ridiculous thing I did and how much money I spent doing it, all I could do was cry. He just laughed and smiled and said I did the right thing. He also reminded me that the Savior was taken advantage of all the time so why should I be any different. He reminded me that it's all about learning to listen to the Spirit and go and do even when you don't understand or don't want to. It's all about learning obedience. Nate calls it the slap the water approach. On Arrow when he was learning to shoot a bow he first learned to slap water to get arm strength. It seemed stupid and like it wouldn't work and he didn't want to do it. So anytime the Lord asks us to do something that seems stupid He is using the slap the water training. I know I get myself caught up in thinking that every time I do something good, warm squishes should accompany it. That's not how it works. I only felt good with the man from Costco because it was easy and he didn't want something. That's not very impressive. It's easy to give service to someone like that. It's much harder to serve the unlovable.
Where was discernment used in these 2 stories? In my previous post I mostly talked about discernment as knowing truth and knowing between good and evil. There is also knowing what to do. How to interpret the revelation you are receiving. It's not just knowing good from evil, but knowing between good, better, and best options. I can list several examples from these two stories that involved discernment. It is such a vital muscle that we need to pray for and work to strengthen, and I'm grateful for the unique opportunities that the Lord gives me that help illustrate a principle that I've been trying to learn more about. Doing the right things isn't all sunshine and roses, but where it's leading you is.
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