I think I am having a mid-life crisis. Can you actually be having one if you think you are having one? :) This is not your typical sports car, wanna test the waters to see if anyone would date you, wish you had no kids kinda mid-life crisis. This is a -what do I do with myself now- identity kind of crisis. Luckily I have a great friend that psychoanalyzed me in about 2 seconds when I started telling her some of my symptoms. So, here's the long and short of it. After I had our 4th child I was 80-90 percent sure that I didn't want to ever be pregnant or raise another child after that---well, wouldn't you know I have been having these nagging feelings lately (must have been something I ate) that maybe I wasn't done. I know! You don't even have to say it---totally loco kookoo bananas for brains! I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do next year when Jordyn is at kindergarten all day long. I have been running through all the possibilities and just haven't come up with anything yet. Even this year she is in half day preschool 4 days a week and I am feeling like a total looser bum that has nothing better to do than shop, clean and of course blog. So, here is her 2 second diagnosis........ I am a project girl ( I just bought paint for the kitchen today) I spent the last year building a house and now I don't have anything to do. My entire identity has been in the having babies stage of life and now that stage is over so I am reverting back to the only thing I know--having babies. What do you think, is she right? I had a dream last night that I decided to go to culinary school because I couldn't think of anything else to do. There are just so many possibilities how do you pick one. I am hoping that inspiration will just hit me in the head or I will start down a natural path that leads me to what I'm supposed to do next. Sitting at home without babies to care for isn't turning out for me. I have to have something to do, a project, anything. My problem is that I get super lazy without structure and I feel myself turning into a lumpy frump. The totally twisted thing is that when I finally find somethig to do I will wish I was "just" a stay at home Mom again! :( Maybe i'm just totally full on crazy, which is always a possibility! :)
4 comments:
I don't think you're crazy, Heath. And while I'm SUPER jealous that you get to be "child-free" next year, I also think I would love it if you had another baby!!! By the way... which color did you go with for the Kitchen?
Okay, I've been going through a little of this too. I know! I knew there would be days that I would question our decision to not only not have any more kids, but make it impossible to do so...but I didn't know it would happen so soon and be so consistent. My saving grace? Having Nate talk me through it every time and knowing his reasons are correct...but that still leaves me with what I'm going to do next year when Natie goes off to Kindergarten. I've heard rumors we're going to all day Kinder next year, too. I'm only 30 and have only had 2 children, it seems entirely too wrong to be done. I guess it's time to start homeschooling, huh? :-) Painting the kitchen sounds like a better idea.
Hey, am I that totally great friend? Because that sounds like the great advice I gave you. But having another baby is still a good idea. They make good projects.
Gotta tell ya Heath, I was having those same completely crazy thoughts that just would not go away when BAM! Hello, problem solved(?)Now I'm sick as a dog wondering what happened and at the same time really happy and feeling at peace for the first time in a very long time. So go for it. And besides, you always have babies when I do. :)
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