I've been having a hard time lately knowing how hard to push my 14 year old son. He's at the age where everything is boring and stupid. He already does home school, so getting him out of the house for anything is a struggle. For me it is a hard balance between letting someone be who they are, introverted, or help them discover another side of themselves. My husband and I are both introverts. We are the kind of introverts where no one believes it when we tell them. We can both do what we have to when we have to and make it look effortless, but if given the choice, we would never be social. Jared has this same trait. Jared is thinking of becoming a neurosurgeon, so I keep using that to push him into doing more. I keep reminding him that if he wants to be a neurosurgeon he needs to be fearless. Good surgeons are fearless. Fearless in the sense that if something goes wrong they have 3 back up plans ready to implement and dive right in. You can't become that kind of person by never leaving the house. By never trying hard things.
Already this summer I made him go on a high adventure trip with my brother in law's troop. He knew a couple of the kids from 6 years ago when we were with that troop. It was a great opportunity to do something fun and work out those social muscles. When it came time to pack for the trip he went into shut down mode. I know this mode well. I have the same problem. I talk myself into doing something because I know I need to and then when it comes down to the getting there I shut down. Every reason not to go enters my mind and the thought of going is enough to make me wish for death. When I get there I'm always fine and glad I did, but I forget that every single time and have the same dramatic journey to get there.
With a 14 year old boy it's hard to make them do anything. I view agency differently than some. I don't look at a situation like that and say that he can exercise his agency on whether or not he will go do something. I see it as him using is agency on how he will act once he is there. I have more life experience than he does for making such decisions. He went and had a blast, like I knew he would. Same problem came up when it was time to pack for EFY. We went through the whole routine again. I was starting to doubt my methods. Maybe I was pushing too hard and it would end up having a negative effect. I decided to sit him down and explain what I was trying to accomplish with him. I explained that I want him to serve an honorable mission. I read him some quotes on being prepared for a mission and what makes the difference. I laid out my vision for him to be a great leader and the qualities that took. I explained that the things I was asking him to do all went toward accomplishing that goal and then asked him if he understood what I was trying to do as his mother and if that was what he wanted.
Well...........He got packed up and we headed for AZ with a prayer in my heart that both my children would have a life changing spiritual experience that could be built upon for the rest of their lives. The trip there got a bit interesting when we came to a complete stop on the freeway. It added about 90 minutes to our trip. I like a show about walking dead people and it made me think of that. I teased the kids that it was a zombie invasion that had us stopped. It finally cleared up and we made it to our hotel.
I can't believe I have two kids old enough to go to EFY. The drop off process was crazy, but we made it through and got the kids into their dorms and said our good byes. Jared didn't say much during the week via txt when I would check on him, but I got the most amazing txt from Emma the first night about how much she was loving it and then didn't really hear from her again.
Emma got to go with her friend Eliza and Jared went with his friend Josh.
The trip home was just what I was hoping for. They were both anxious to tell me every detail of their week. Jared met a lot of great people that he hung out with and had several "cow"s - Crush Of the Week" He is such a ladies man. He participated in everything and when it was time to leave we had to wait on him to exchange numbers with everyone. He was Mr social butterfly and he was proud of it. They also had so many great spiritual experience that had me teared up several times. The growth I see in them from just 1 week is astounding. When we got home I got to listen to it all again while they told Nate. They remembered even more because they had their notes out that time.
Emma overcame many hurdles that she constantly battles too. She was so proud that there was something she could eat at every meal. She felt good about socializing with people enough but also wanting to focus on personal development by getting the most out of each of the classes. She was also given hope that there are some ym out there worthy of marriage because she doesn't live by any currently.
I feel so relieved and blessed that things worked out for the best because I was really struggling with doubt. I am grateful for the opportunity my kids had to attend something like this. I'm grateful for all the insights they shared with me and the things they want to work on to be better. I'm grateful that I can also learn form those experiences they shared and I can grow more too. I'm grateful for a loving father in heaven who knows and loves my children and helps me to make hard decisions concerning them. He knows better than me what my kids are capable of because they are His.
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
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