I recently talked about my daughter wanting a converting moment and how I was trying to figure out how I feel the spirit. I find that a lot of stuff I learn in the gospel is stuff I already know, but either forgot or didn't know how to verbalize it. I call it my brain getting dumb. It's those, "well duh!" moments. I'm finding that what I need to learn is how to communicate what I know. I feel like much of what I try to communicate gets lost in translation or I simply don't have the tools necessary or forget that I possess them.
Can I just say, I love how the Lord works with me. I have many loves in my life and one of them is John Bytheway. He is fabulous for new converts and he is fabulous for old ones who's brain gets dumb. I find that he explains things the way I would if I were as smart as he is. He breaks things down into their simplest forms and I love that about him. His latest and possibly greatest book is called "How do I know if I know." I got this book with my children and students in mind. I wanted to know how to help someone know they knew. I have not been disappointed. I am only 2 chapters in, but 2 of my questions already got answered. That is one of the quickest questions ever to be answered for me.
I am going to practice some serious self restraint and only address the answers to my questions instead of retelling everything in the book so far - because, well, he wrote the book. There is no point in me retelling every cool part of the book when it is available to read, study, highlight, note and whatever else helps you incorporate what you read into what you know and do.
First Question - the book starts off with addressing my first question about how to help my daughter realize that she is already on the path a lot farther along than she thinks and that she most likely won't have a big converting moment because she has grown up in the gospel.
Answer- “Elder Glenn L. Pace commented on those who have been born and raised in the light of day and don’t realize how bright it is: When seeking a testimony, those of you born into the Church may be looking for some spectacular spiritual feeling different than anything you have ever felt before. You may have heard converts testify of their conversion and wonder if you’re missing something. One reason it seems so spectacular to them is that it is new. You have had the same feelings your whole life during family home evenings, youth testimony meetings, seminary classes, scripture reading, and on many other occasions."
John B says this: “For a convert, discovering the truths of the gospel might be like going from dim light to bright light, and the contrast would be unmistakable. For example, while I was working on this book, I had a meeting in downtown Salt Lake City, and I parked underneath the new City Creek mall. When I was leaving, maneuvering around looking for the exit, I was thinking what a good job they did designing the parking plaza. It was bright and roomy, and I didn’t feel like I was in a cave. When I found my way to the exit ramp and drove out of the underground plaza into the daylight, I was shocked—the sun was so bright it actually hurt my eyes! As I was reaching for my sunglasses, I noticed that other drivers emerging from the dark were having the same experience. It was brighter outside, much brighter than I expected it to be. Just a few moments before, when I was underground, it hadn’t seemed dark, but now I knew there was a much brighter light outside. The people already outside walking down the sidewalk weren’t in pain, but I was. They were used to the light, but for those first few moments, I wasn’t. Perhaps you’ve been surrounded by the Spirit all your life, and you’ve come to think of it as normal. Someone else might be plopped into your situation and exclaim, “Whoa, what is this feeling?” Many of us have been out walking in the sunshine, not realizing we’ve enjoyed the light all along.”
Second Question - How do I know I'm teaching with the spirit. Do I have to feel like crying to have the spirit?
Answer - This book is full of answers to that question. He goes thru different ways we feel the spirit from person to person and also how many ways 1 person can feel the spirit. There isn't just one way and one way isn't better or preferable to another. I'll let you read the book to find out about all the ways. But, here is a quote by Howard W Hunter who was counseling seminary teachers (well that certainly applies to me!) "I get concerned when it appears that strong emotion or free-flowing tears are equated with the presence of the Spirit. Certainly the Spirit of the Lord can bring strong emotional feelings, including tears, but that outward manifestation ought not to be confused with the presence of the Spirit itself. I have watched a great many of my brethren over the years, and we have shared some rare and unspeakable spiritual experiences together. Those experiences have all been different, each special in its own way, and such sacred moments may or may not be accompanied by tears. Very often they are, but sometimes they are accompanied by total silence. Other times they are accompanied by joy."
That is why I loved that my brain was onboard before my heart when I was experiencing my son's patriarchal blessing. I also learned from the book that I discount (or don't appropriately recognize) feelings of joy as feeling the spirit. To have a rock solid testimony we need our brain and our hearts joined together in our knowledge of spiritual matters. One more quote :“Elder Bruce C. Hafen warned that “we may confuse lesser emotions with truly inspired impressions,” and that “our feelings can sometimes be influenced by unwise people who would manipulate them.” So we have to be wise enough to sort out our feelings, to tell the difference between little whims and deep impressions, and to separate our feelings from our emotions. This ability comes with time and experience.”
This ability comes with time and experience. I'm still trying to figure it all out and I've been working at it a long time. It's all ok. One last thing that I will share is his analogy of a Christmas tree when it comes to a testimony. Many people think of a testimony as something that is all encompassing - you have a testimony of all of the gospel. The reality is that we have testimonies of lots of little small things that add up to 1 big testimony. If you think of each little testimony you have as a light on the tree. Maybe you know Joseph Smith was a prophet but you don't know how you feel about historical events in his life or you have a testimony of attending church but not of paying tithing. Whatever it is. Each thing that you do know is 1 light on the tree each thing that you don't know is a burnt out or non lit bulb on the tree. The great thing about this string of lights is that it isn't the old fashion kind that when 1 bulb burnt out the entire string was no good and you had to fix it or throw it away. The string still shines brightly with all the other bulbs lit up. It reminds me of 2 talks. One about "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith" in his talk called "Come Join with Us" by Dieter F Uchtdorf and another one by Jeffery R Holland in his "Lord I Believe" talk that says :These things I declare to you with the conviction Peter called the “more sure word of prophecy.” What was once a tiny seed of belief for me has grown into the tree of life, so if your faith is a little tested in this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine. I know this work is God’s very truth, and I know that only at our peril would we allow doubt or devils to sway us from its path. Hope on. Journey on. Honestly acknowledge your questions and your concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." He also asks us in that talk to "be true to the faith you do have."
I have seen too many people want to give up on 1 or 2 bulbs being not lit assuming that the whole string (their entire testimony) was bad because of it. The wonderful thing is that we have been given tons of resources to help us figure out all that is necessary for our return home to live with our Father in Heaven again. There are lots of people going thru the same things we are that we can gain knowledge from. We just need to hope on and journey on and realize that we are a lot further along the path than we realize we are. I love that I can be thinking about something and then the answer will present itself. The answer didn't just fall from the sky. I had to act. It wasn't specifically for those answers but a general searching for knowledge that led me to buy a book that answered those 2 questions for me. I had actually downloaded the book before I ever had the questions and finally decided I had time to open it up and read it yesterday. Pretty darn cool if you ask me. Our lives can be full of cool moments if we will seek them out.
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