I worked at the Temple today and twice I had to hold back tears. You would think that someone that only knows how to give "temple lessons" instead of "fun lessons" - according to Jared when he was critiquing my teaching style - I would be crying all the time, but I'm not. I don't like to cry in front of people.
For as defeated and down as I have felt lately, the Lord seems to be going out of his way to show me that he's aware of me and loves me. His patience with me astounds me. I needed a little hope and courage to keep moving forward and I got it today.
I've been failing in my attempts at being more holy. Taking a situation that I would not react well to and do a better job. For example, my daughter loosing a thumb drive with her power point on it. Sometimes I don't respond in a holy way to matters like that. Well, when she came back home after dropping Jared off at school to find said thumb drive, I was kneeling down saying my morning prayers. I figured that if I couldn't find a way to be holy while in the middle of a prayer, there's no hope for me. My super niceness didn't help in the immediate because nothing I said helped - it did make her more upset with me and we still couldn't find the thumb drive. I felt good about how I handled the situation and I found out later that everything worked out at school.
This process threw my schedule off course and made me rush to my shift at the Temple. I don't like trying to get rid of that rushed feeling, but it never fails that once I'm inside the doors I can leave all the cares behind and focus on what I'm there to do - which is help everyone have a wonderful experience and feel loved. I get my kind eyes in and my most sincere smile on and make sure my heart matches my outward appearance.
The first experience that brought tears to my eyes was in the celestial room. I've seen lots of ym/yw come in with their families to take out their endowments in preparation for their missions. Today there was something different. I could tell when the parents entered that they were waiting for their child. As soon as he entered the room and reunited with them, the light that surrounded them was beautiful. The expressions on each of their faces was priceless. It was pure joy. Heavenly joy. It was just him and his parents and not a huge entourage. I got to witness heaven and I was lucky to have been there. Later I was down at the front door as the greeter when they were leaving. They had a spirit about them that made you want to follow them. This experience got me thinking about some things I've been pondering about. I always think I've got to come up with the right thing to say to someone or behave just the right way that will somehow speak for how my heart feels about the Savior and the covenants that I've made and want them to want that too. These people didn't say or do anything. They just were. When the spirit speaks from heart to heart, that's more powerful than anything you can say or do. It was a good reminder for me today. I need to stop worrying, and just be and do.
The next amazing experience that had me choking back the tears was in a "wedding." I was one of the people who are in the "marriage witness waiting room" - it's where guest of a wedding go to remove their shoes and wait for the sealing. This wasn't a marriage but a daughter that was being sealed to her deceased parents. I got to have a nice visit with a guest and talk to her about things that were troubling her and the blessings of working in the temple. I then got to escort her up to the sealing room and then witness it. Here's the coolest thing. The lady that was being sealed to her parents had come the week before with her friend (that was there) so she could do the same thing. The sealer knew them both and had performed the one last week as well. He gave an inspiring message about Elijah that I've heard before but was more touching this time. The work really is being hastened. There are good, strong and faithful members doing these saving ordinances. People are making this a priority in their lives so that "the earth won't be smitten with a curse or utterly wasted at His return." (found in Malaciah 4 and JSH)
I almost didn't get to witness this sealing because it was at the end of my shift and I really needed to get home so I could take Emma to Nate's office so they could leave for the airport to go to a gun course in Vegas. Something made me stay and I worked out a way that I could leave right after and not have it look rude because they were staying to do more family names after. The temple president was in there with us and he could only stay for that so I got to leave with him. I also worked it out with another worker to escort the witness back downstairs when they were done.
All's not bad. I'm not alone. There may be a lot of our brothers and sisters choosing wrong paths, but there are lots who aren't. There might be lots of temporal things dragging me down, but there are lots that aren't. I got to see heaven 2x today. I am completely undeserving of such signs of love and encouragement. This needs to be burned into my heart with an attitude of gratitude and a remembrance of the Love my Father in Heaven has for me - specifically - and if he has it for me, he has it for you. This should also deepen my commitment to love and serve Him because charity is the pure love of Christ.
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