Down on Myself

My Friday started at 5 am getting dressed in a skirt for a 6 am training meeting for new seminary teachers.  From there I went to a volunteer meeting for the group I am working with that provides a free dental clinic in October.  After this meeting I was talking with my friend about a conference her kids just attended that mine didn't because we were in Co.  She was telling me about some things that went wrong.  Like- in my book- majorly wrong.   Here is where I had a harsh realization about myself.  I do not react the same to situations that my friend does.  Sure, she thought the situation was as ill prepared as I did, but she decided to make sure the kids had an awesome experience regardless of the details being managed appropriately.  I told her that I would have had a completely different reaction because I don't handle a lack of organization well.  I'm a details girl.

My friend did help me feel better by saying that she did have to go and find a room to pray in to collect herself for what she needed to do to get through the weekend being a chaperon when she had no intention of being one.  I don't think that would have been my first line of defense.  To go in a room and pray for a better attitude.  I for sure would have been having the pep talk with myself, but I probably wouldn't have been doing a very good job.  I probably would have managed to get myself more worked up than if I would have just skipped the pep talk.

This entire conversation got me thinking about what attributes I need to work on and when I'm struggling with overcoming them, my first line of defense should be to take it to the Lord.

A little later in the day I received a phone call from my saintly friend who lives in AZ.  Life is getting her down and she was needing some advice.  Here's the thing.  Here's the advice I've started giving-  The advice I used to hate when people tried to give it to me.  The kind of advice that doesn't seem like advice at all.

I told her that she needed to get her temple recommend renewed and get herself to the temple.  The circumstances in her life are too complicated for an amateur like myself.  As well as I know my friend, Heavenly Father knows her much better.  He's the one with the plan for her, not me.  Well, when all my advice in that area wasn't cutting it and she wanted practical advice, I walked her thru making the decision herself instead of telling her what I thought she should do - and to still get that recommend.

I was also able to tell her about a cool experience that I had had with taking a problem that I had been having personally to the Lord and he totally answered it.  I actually only told her about that when she wanted to hear what had been going on in my life.  I'm not sure the story fits here, but it was a miracle for sure in it's simplicity.

Now, why am I telling you all of this.  Because after I got off the phone a package arrived at her house.  There was a package in it from Nate's office there.  It was something we had both forgotten about, but while she was visiting I took her in for an office visit because she has a lot of problems with her feet.  There wasn't much he could do while she was here but he took impressions of her feet to send her some orthotics.  That just so happened to show up in one of her darkest moments.  She had been having problems with her feet swelling and not being able to walk in addition to the other problems with her feet.  A token of love that won't solve her problems, but hopefully help her make it thru.  I got a txt from her later that day about the delivery and I told her it was inspired that they arrived at that specific time.

In spite of my realization that I don't handle myself the best at all times, I was able to stop focusing on myself long enough to be there for someone else and testify of the Lord's hand in our lives.

When I was exchanging these txt about the little package miracle, I was also on a date with my husband.  I had put my phone away and we were walking into the movie theater.  We were still out in the parking lot.  We were the only 2 people walking down our row until a woman started walking past us going the opposite direction.  The next think I heard was, "you are gorgeous!"  I knew there really wasn't anyone else around, but was confused so I looked to see if I could catch a glimpse at this gorgeous person.  I turned around and couldn't find anyone and then the lady said "yeah you, you're gorgeous!"  I think I chuckled and said with a huge smile on my face, "thank you."

Here's the thing with this.  I had just recited the revelations I was having about my personality to my husband over a meal that seriously stuffed me to the point of major discomfort.  I was on day 3 of my juice diet and was trying not to be phyco about eating food and just eat because I was on a date.  Well, chewing was feeling pretty good, so I just kept shoveling the food in there.  After dinner we drove over to the movie theater.  My mind had been taken away from thoughts of myself that were negative because my heart was on my saintly friend and how difficult things must be for her when out of nowhere someone takes the time to shout out over a parking lot something that had a surprising effect on me.  It was strange and odd, but made me look at myself without the goggles of failure.  It uplifted me in a way that I wasn't expecting.  I was having a hard time concentrating on the movie because I immediately started thinking about what this little lesson taught me.

It's easy to pump someone up when they are doing something notable.  This is also the time the receiver of the praise is less likely to internalize the praise.  When people are down and low is when they need the boost the most and when it has the most power to effect positive results.

I was reading conference talks this morning and came across 2 talks that at the time of conference I thought were great, but it wasn't until I read them this morning that I knew how much there was in there that I could use in my life.  I have my list of favorite powerful talks and these 2 didn't really resonate long lasting with me at the time I heard them.  I am also sad to report that I am just now getting around to reading them and it's almost time for the next conference.  I actually don't have any time now to read them because I've got too many training videos and a handbook to be reading, not to mention lessons I should be reviewing already.  Ok, I'm done with my excuses.

The first one was "Let you faith show" by Russell M Nelson.  This talk got me thinking about my students and making sure that I am tethered to teaching and testifying of the doctrines and principles, and the organization of the church.

The next one was "I have given you an example" by Richard G Scott.  This fit perfectly with all the thoughts I was having about this random lady in the parking lot.  Her willingness to express kindness to a stranger.  The impact that had on me while I was feeling low about myself but also taking the time to love and support my friend and the miracle I got to experience with her.  The talk was all about confidence.  Helping others gain confidence.  This talk laid out step by step how I actually tried to walk my friend thru her trials.  It was also a roadmap for me to follow with my students.  Something I needed to remember.

Here's the part that tied everything together for me:  "As a companion to that love, trust them.  In some cases it may seem difficult to trust, but find some way to trust them.  The children of Father in Heaven can do amazing things when they feel trusted..."

Part of stripping your pride is being willing to lift others up.  Sometimes you are trying to lift when it doesn't feel like you've got anything to lift.  This random stranger had no idea if I was deserving of such a compliment or if I needed it, but she freely gave it.  What's important is that the Lord knows.  I need to be looking for those moments and opportunities to make someone feel about themselves the way that lady made me feel about myself.  I can now do amazing things for others because I felt amazing.  What she said was superficial in nature but it was received deeper.  It wasn't about my physical appearance.  It was about who I am on the inside that was shining out even though I didn't think it could be at the time.  Because believe me, I'm no super model.  Not even close.  I don't think I have ever been called gorgeous in my life -with the exception of my husband.  When I heard the comment it immediately made me think of who I was, not what I looked like......which was the typical Mormon uniform of a maxi skirt and cardigan with a cover-up tee, wedge sandals and a purse slung cross body.........who was bloated and having a bad hair day....not exactly something that screams gorgeous!

Ok, I'm gonna bring it home with one final quote from Elder Scott: "Do not become so absorbed with the trivial things that you miss learning the doctrine and teachings of the Lord.  With a solid, personal doctrinal foundation, you will be a powerful source for sharing vital truths with others who desperately need them."    The trivial things he was referring to were about teaching, but I was thinking about the trivial things of life.  The things we let get in the way of doing what we need to be doing.  Of being who we need to be.  

So, I'm going to do better.  I am going to really refocus my efforts when I start getting down on myself - turn outward instead of inward.  I'm going to remember my first line of defense and turn to the Lord when I am faced with difficult circumstances that I tend not to deal with in the best way.  I'm going to remember to look for ways to be more complimentary in a way that will inspire confidence in the Lord and in themselves which will lead my students to go and do amazing things.