Feeling the Fire

I just got done watching the "Share the Goodness" devotional by -none other than - Elder Bednar.  I mean come on!  So amazing!  All I have to say after that is......I can feel it.  The hastening.  I've felt it coming for 3 or 4 years now.  It's not something I can explain.  For awhile it made me feel like a bit of a weirdo, but I've learned to embrace it.  

Being called to seminary intensified those feelings.  It's got me a bit on edge because I'm waiting for my bubble to be burst.  I'm waiting to be utterly devastated at the reality of the task in front of me when things don't work out the way I think they should.  When I try to use my own measurements for success instead of the Lord's.  But right now.  This very moment and all the moments before this one. I have been filled with a hope I have never felt before.  I have been filled with a joy beyond comprehension.  I can completely relate to Ammon and Aaron when they met up after their missions. Experiencing a joy so incredible that your physical body can't contain it.  I think if all 10 of my seminary boys make it out onto missions I will have a similar experience.  (which I let them know that today) I'm pretty sure at least 1 of my 5 girls will be going on a mission.  My Emma says she's 99 percent sure she will be going on one.  You never know what life has in store, but I can totally see that for her.  

We had the missionaries in our class this morning and I love the spirit they bring with them.  They carry the mantel of the Lord with them and who doesn't need to experience a little of that in their life?  

I'm not nieve.  I know statistically we will loose 40 percent of our class half way thru the year.  I know everyone thinks they're special and it won't happen to their class.  All I can do is sanctify myself. Now I say "myself" but it is only thru the atonement that that is possible.  I have to choose the Lord.  I have to make decisions in my life that move me in the direction of the Lord and then thru his grace I'm able to achieve sanctification.  I can be "set apart for sacred use."  That's my long vision.  I know my students have their agency.  I know my children have their agency.  I can make sure I'm not the one standing in the way of receiving the help they need along the way.  I can be a tool in the Lord's hands if I align my will with His.  I want that more than I want anything else in the world.  I want that more than any fancy decorations for my house.  I want that more than any friends.  I want that more than any vacation.  I want that more than any physical alterations to my body.  I want that more than any television show, movie or song on the radio.  I have chosen this day whom I will serve.   Am I still human?  Heck yes!  Do I have to keep choosing everyday?  Yep!  The thing is that once the decision is made, it's much easier to keep making it.  

 I feel like I have won the spiritual lottery for the 3rd time now.  The first time was when I decided to be baptized by water and fire.  The next time was when I met the family history film crew.  The 3rd time was this calling.  I honestly don't know why the Lord loves me, but I can tell you that he absolutely does and I absolutely love him.