Elevated

As I was visiting with a friend yesterday, I was reminded of my journey to elevated learning.  I'm sure there were lots of small moments along the way - in fact I can think of a few, but the biggest moment happened when a family moved in across the street from me (this friend that I was visiting).  This was back in 2009.  I'm trying to remember if my oldest and her youngest were in 5th grade -I'm pretty sure they were.  After the bus would come we stand in the street or sit on my driveway and talk for 1-2 hours.  This happened almost every day.  I was starting to feel bad that I was spending so much time doing "nothing."  Sometimes we would have to start our conversations with "I've only got 5 minutes today, so we can't start talking."  This relationship was the catalyst for my confidence in the gospel.

Since my baptism I was always slowly moving forward in the gospel, but at times it was a snail pace. Kids will do that to you.  I spent a lot of time in survival mode while my husband finished up podiatry school and then residency.  I knew I wanted to up my commitment, but it was usually in small spurts instead of steady progress.  

My lackluster attempts at devotion consisted of praying and studying when I had a lesson to teach instead of everyday.  I had small spurts of temple attendance, but it wasn't a regular thing.  There were sometimes where I probably only attended 1 time in the year and other times when I went much more frequently.  Watching general conference was cool if I liked the speaker and it was only the Sunday session, but I never went back and read the talks.  You get the idea.  I had a testimony.  I was trying.  

What I was aware of is that I alway felt a pull to do better.  That I had potential that I wasn't tapping into.  As a convert I was pretty shy about my knowledge of the gospel.  I felt light years behind everyone else.  I couldn't quote prophets or conference talks, I didn't know all the stories in the BOM, I didn't know the bible very well,  and I was certainly the farthest thing from a scriptorian.  I bought into the idea that I just wasn't smart enough to ever be one.  I could never say anything like, "this reminds me of when (fill in the blank) did this..."  Articulating anything that I had learned was difficult for me.  But here's the thing, I always tried.  I was never afraid to be the dumbest person in the room and I think being a convert helped with that.  

My first and greatest teacher, without a doubt, would be my husband.  I don't know how someone coming off their mission and being where he was spiritually could want to yoke themselves to an infant in the gospel that struggled in those beginning years with figuring out how to be a Mormon.  I always tell him that he took a huge gamble on me and he always tells me that he didn't because he knew exactly who I was.....I like to call that beer goggles for a girl in a mini skirt ;)

The exact moment I went from spurts of spiritual energy to a consistent and constant commitment were during those conversations with my neighbor.  We talked about gospel principles we also talked about politics and how they related to the gospel.  I began to realize that I knew a lot more than I thought I did and I was able to articulate it.  My neighbor, Annette, was someone who I looked to as the scriptorian in the ward.  The person that could be intimidating because they knew so much - but she wasn't.  I never once felt inferior, I felt equal.  All of those conversations were building my confidence.  They were making me hunger for more knowledge.  The conversations often built on one another as we both went home and read something that added further light and then we would share that with each other.  

This relationship was different than with my husband because he had to love me and think I was smart.  She didn't. 

Annette only lived across from me for 6 month until they bought a house across the mesa from us and  subsequently ended up in another ward and another bus stop - even though I could just about throw a rock from my backyard into hers.  Such a sad day for me, but during that short time the 2 of us not only talked daily about the gospel, we started attending the temple 2x a month together.  

The temple was the next crucial step in my journey to elevated learning.  I couldn't believe how much insight I was gaining and how much I was learning and my testimony was deepening.  Surprisingly, during those times I still wasn't reading my scriptures very regularly, but I had started taking general conference very seriously.  I became the person that sat down on Saturday with my notebook out and watched general conference while the rest of my family either groaned or did other things.  There was meat that I wanted and I was eager to get it.  

Around this time I also had a calling that allowed me to attend gospel doctrine.  I had never really spent much time in the class throughout the years with babies and other callings and sometimes the class just made my head hurt, so I found excuses not to go.   I did, however, a few years before this decide to test out a promise made by someone, I can't remember, that if I would have a pencil out ready to mark scriptures or take notes, I would always learn something no matter who the teacher was.  I think this started the fire of me knowing that I was in control of my learning and that I really could be taught by the spirit in any circumstances.  

Well, I found myself in gospel doctrine during the year that it was Old Testament (it was last year as well, but this was 4 years earlier)  I couldn't believe all the things I didn't know.  Things that made the gospel make sense.  Things that testified of the other standard works.  I was excited to be learning.  This made me start reading the Book of Mormon every day.  I found the key was in the routine.  Routine takes all the decision making out of the process - the same was true of my temple attendance.  Decide once and then don't decide again.  

The next thing that happened was another family moved in up the street.  This friend thought of me the way I thought of Annette.  I was the person who had the answers and she built my confidence in being able to help her through understanding the gospel.  In fact while I was at her house on Christmas eve my family participated in their family's tradition.  It is called "gifts to Jesus" and they write down some commitments for the year - basically new years resolutions with a purpose.  That year I wrote down that I wanted to study the Old Testament and start family history along with a couple of other things.  (I never thought about those goals again until she sent me a pic of them the next year because I had accomplished them)

Well, January 1st I started reading.  I decided to read 2 chapters a day.  By the time I got to Leviticus I realized that I wasn't getting what I thought I should be getting out of it.  If you've read up to there, you know what I'm talking about.  I realized that I needed context - or a Rabi.  So, I got myself an institute manual and started all over again from the beginning.   I still read 2 chapters in addition to all the notes from the manual.  The manual changed my life and my learning.  I knew the manual would help me because in one of my previous "spurts" years before I used it to study the Pearl of Great Price and realized there was so much more to get out of the scriptures than I was, but that excitement fizzled out in the harsh realities of my life.  

The most surprising thing that occurred to me in the almost 2 years it took me to complete it was that I suddenly realized that the Book of Mormon really was another testament of Jesus Christ.  I was still reading 2 chapters of the BOM everyday along with the OT.  I would use the time Emma was at seminary to study for an hour every morning.  Reading these 2 books at the same time and attending the temple converted me to the gospel.  I can't even describe the feeling or where I was at in the OT that hit my like a thunderbolt that it was all true.  There was no way it wasn't.  It's like what Elder Bednar talks about.  The head - heart connection (I've also talked about it before)  My brain and my heart knew, not just one of them.  

The next stop in the road was starting my family history.  My friend talked me into going to the family history center and I went grudgingly.  That day, I literally heard angels singing as the consultant helped me go back 4 generations when I thought I had zero information to go on.  

A couple months after that I met a family history crew from Salt Lake and I knew as soon as I saw them that they would change my life.  During that process my roots sank so deep into the ground.  My confidence in the gospel and it's applications sprouted up as if overnight.  I began to see things with my spiritual eyes that were marvelous and powerful.  I gave myself over completely to the process.  I went "all in."  I decided to conduct an experiment - to see if we could actually receive the promised blessings from participating in the work of salvation for our kindred dead.  When you act in faith and move forward not knowing why or where it will lead, God will show you his hand.  He will let you participate more in His work and you will experience joy like you have never known.  The only way I can describe it is "seeing Heaven" while working with Heaven.

During that process with the FH department, I was having an experience with one of my ancestors.  The kind of experience that I felt like when people had, they made up.  Now, I didn't see this ancestor, but I definitely believe and know that she was reaching out to me.  There were just things that I couldn't explain away.  I felt connected to Heaven.  Connected to where I came from and where I was going.  Understanding and enlightenment came to me about my specific role in The Plan.  

I was also blessed with VTs who love to talk about the gospel.  In fact when they come to visit it is 1 to 1 1/2 hours that they are at my house.  Each time we resolve to not talk that long because they don't want to be "those kind of vt"  who overstay their welcome.  There aren't that many people in the world that want to talk so deeply about the gospel.  Now we're not talking "high to kolob" deep, but applying the gospel and seeing patterns in the gospel and just figuring out what it means to be a disciple.  

So, now here I sit, getting ready to teach seminary.  My friend Annette is also teaching seminary so we get together and talk more often again.  Which strengthens me.  We had an amazing talk with each other yesterday about stripping pride.  We laughed, we cried, it was fulfilling. 

I find myself ready to participate in the Lord's work in a way that I never have before.  I'm excited.  I'm hopeful.  I'm inspired to want to only do the Lord's will so that I can witness miracles.  "By small and simple things are great things come to pass" ~Alma 37:6.

The principle found in 2 Nephi 28 has never rang more true.

"30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."

Start today.  Start small.  You know the saying about when the best time to plant a tree is - 20 years ago.  When's the second best time to plant a tree- today.  When you do, you'll be amazed at what you and the Lord hath done.  

Tell the people who have made a difference in your life how much they mean to you and then turn around and be that person for someone.  When we build, lift, love, and unify - we are reaching for Zion.  Also, sometimes when you feel like you are doing "nothing", you are really doing everything that is important and you never know where that will lead.