Waiting

Last week while working in the Temple I gained some unexpected clarity.  I'm there at the temple pretty frequently between my regular attendance days 2x a month with friends and the 2-3 times I'm there working.  I don't always have amazing thoughts enter into my mind- in fact- frequently I come home with nothing more than a "that was nice" experience.  

Living in a place with a smaller temple gets a girl spoiled with a good amount of private time in the temple.  I've been to a really busy temple and it almost had a "southwest flight" feel to it.  There were just so many people….which was great to see because you can start to feel alone in the gospel where I'm at.   One of my favorite perks is getting to be completely alone in the Celestial room (pic below).  This doesn't happen all the time and it can only happen when I am working.  I don't have to worry if I'm taking too long because I'm there with friends.  I don't have to be tempted to have a conversation (although I've had some great spiritual conversations in there)  I don't have to be sitting awkwardly across from someone where we can't figure out where to fix our eyes.  It's pretty awesome.  

Last week was just such an occasion of complete aloneness.  Our celestial room isn't as big as the one pictured.  It is a nice but cozy size.  I was lucky enough to be in there at just the right time of day when the light was shining through the stained glassed window and reflecting off the chandelier.  The walls were dancing with light.  It tempted me for a moment to want to lay on the floor and just stare at all the light.  That would -of course- be irreverent so I refrained.  

I did grab a copy of the BOM and sat down on the couch.  I couldn't decide what I wanted to read.  Sometimes I study topics, sometimes just open up and read where I land, or I recently started reading from the Doctrine and Covenants while I have quiet moments where there is nothing to do but wait.  This time I decided to see how much of the Articles of Faith I knew by heart.  I realized that I needed a lot of work in that area.  I spent about 15 minutes or so and then I got distracted by the light in the room and my mind got quiet….which made my eyes get heavy.  

And then, a very ordinary and otherwise dull moment happened.  The door opened and a trainer and trainee came into the room.  The trainer, speaking to her trainee, said while gesturing in my direction: "and see, she is waiting."  I was waiting to be needed.  There was something about my mind returning to awareness in combination with those words that woke my mind up.  It was a pure moment of clarity.  There was no major epiphany about what that meant to me, but the word itself had clarity.  I immediately got out the topical guide and spent my remaining 10 minutes in there pouring over the scriptures related to waiting.  

My visiting teachers were over yesterday and one of them is an artist and wanting to submit a piece about light for an upcoming competition.  We were talking about how difficult it is to capture the things we were talking about.  It's like this clarity I got.  How do I explain it?  We call it "seeing." Like, Oh, now I see.  It's not a seeing with your physical eyes though.  I don't see any pictures or "visions" but my spirit sees by understanding.  Truth gets spoken to my heart and pieces of the puzzle (the plan) fall into place.  I can start "seeing" patterns where I couldn't before.  I can start relating principles to life where I couldn't before.  Things like that is spiritually being able to see.  

What it really got me was another list of scriptures to add to the pile sitting on the dining room table.  I think it is pretty easy to talk about sanctifying yourself while talking about waiting.  They are perfect companions.  Especially since wait can mean "wait here" or it can be like a waiter who waits on tables kinda wait.  Very cool things to ponder.  I'm not sure how long it will take me to feel like I can put away all those scriptures to clear up my table.  I've gotten a little attached to seeing them there.  I have taken 6 page of handwritten notes.  Printed off 6 pages of notes that I've gotten from books or articles or my study guide that have had to do with sanctification.  I have no idea what it's going to yield, but the process is fun….and now I've added "wait" to the mix.

One of the coolest things about this process is how many other scriptures or talks or events occurring in your life seem to show you more about whatever you are studying.  Everything started being about sanctification and now it will probably be about waiting.  You are training your mind to think about those things.  It is like when you get a new car and suddenly every car you see is yours.  You had no idea so many people owned that car.  

A perfect example that I can share of this phenomena is this:  While trying to broaden my study of sanctification to conference talks about the subject I came upon one from one of my favorite apostles.  It's called "Ye must be born again" from April 2007 and it's by - who else?  Elder B.  Do you know what that subject was related to?  CANNING!  I'm telling you, nothing is more exciting and faith building than things like this happening.  I want to put a quote in here, but every time I went to grab one, I was grabbing almost the entire talk - it is that good!  I'll try to narrow down.

Just as a cucumber is transformed into a pickle as it is immersed in and saturated with salt brine, so you and I are born again as we are absorbed by and in the gospel of Jesus Christ. As we honor and “observe the covenants” (D&C 42:13) into which we have entered, as we “feast upon the words of Christ” (2 Nephi 32:3), as we “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart” (Moroni 7:48), and as we “serve [God] with all [of our] heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), then:

“Because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters” (Mosiah 5:7).

…..This phase of the transformation process requires time, persistence, and patience.

 One of the coolest parts was when he started talking about sealing. What makes something cool in my book?  Talking about something in a way I've never thought of before.  Instead of talking about the sealing process of canning as an actual temple sealing, he used it in this way:

“And who overcome by faith, and are sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, which the Father sheds forth upon all those who are just and true” (vv. 50–53).

The Holy Spirit of Promise is the ratifying power of the Holy Ghost. When sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, an ordinance, vow, or covenant is binding on earth and in heaven. (See D&C 132:7.) Receiving this “stamp of approval” from the Holy Ghost is the result of faithfulness, integrity, and steadfastness in honoring gospel covenants “in [the] process of time” (Moses 7:21). However, this sealing can be forfeited through unrighteousness and transgression.

Purifying and sealing by the Holy Spirit of Promise constitute the culminating steps in the process of being born again.

Since I'm on the subject of canning…..I have to throw in one more quote by another favorite author of mine…I talk about him all the time too.  S M Wilcox from his book House of Glory.  He was talking about the fact that nobody seals an empty jar and said:

"There must be something preserve or the seal has no significance.  

The sealing of temple covenants is similar.  When we are married at the altars of the temple, the lord, from one point of view, gives us an empty jar.  The he instructs us to fill it with the wonderful fruits of righteous marriage.  As we keep our covenants, returning often to renew them as we work for the dead, the jar begins to fill.   As we grow older and our love deepens, we desire to preserve forever all the good we have stored.  Our abiding in the covenant allows the Lord to place the seal on our covenant relationship and preserve the fruits of our righteousness for all eternity.  This is the same for all temple covenants.  Nobody seals an empty jar; neither does the Lord seal empty covenants.  First there must be fruit to preserve."

The take home message is that the gospel of Jesus Christ is exciting when you are anxiously engaged.  Sometimes anxious looks a lot like waiting.  I have to put the time in and do the work when it comes to receiving more knowledge, then I have to put that knowledge into practice and apply it.  I've got to act and then I've got to wait.  In the process of doing those things I have actually been waiting on the Lord like a waiter does in a restaurant.  I've been serving Him.  

My table is waiting for me to be done studying so it can be used for other things.  There are lots of books that are waiting for me to read them…..especially the 2 by Elder B sitting on my virtual bookshelf.  I'm waiting for my body to be healed….yesterday I had to be talked down off the cliff….I told you it would get sad again before it got better….sure enough!

My hope is that my journey to personal sanctification - because really that's what this entire blog has been about- is an inspiring one.  Hopefully my enthusiasm for learning and taking upon myself a great experiment is something that makes someone else want to try.  Can my home really be a house of learning.  Can I really learn all I need to know from the scriptures, going to church, attending the temple and conference…and a couple of other really great churchy books?  I find myself "absorbed by and in the gospel of Jesus Christ."  How much is it helping that I'm writing a lot of it down (here)?….I'm giving a lesson on that in seminary on Friday.  I get to talk about the memorable President Eyering talk about journaling.  I should put a quote on here about that as well, but then I'm really getting off course….perhaps another time….In the meantime….you'll have to wait.