So last year I had a goal to read the Old Testament in a year. Well, I did start reading on the 1st of January but I was reading it without a study guide. By the time I hit Leviticus I realized that no good was going to come from this study if I couldn't gain some understanding. I decided to start completely over again, mostly because I thought everyone in the OT was a complete mess, and use a study guide. It made so much more sense with a study guide and I gained a new appreciation for the times and customs that were shaping the decisions and actions of the people in the OT. So it has now become a 2 year goal.
Last week I was in Habakkuk and I gained a new perspective from his 3 short chapters. They were him lamenting to the Lord about it not being fair that the Lord was using the wicked Chaldeans to conquer his people, who were not nearly as wicked. His question was why were wicked people given success. The short answer. Their success is temporary and he, the Lord, uses that to further his purposes of blessing those more righteous with the ability to gain permanent success. Do you want temporary or permanent success? This right there is the key to every bad decision ever made. The key to the natural man being drawn in so easily to false Gods. This confusion over the wicked having success. The depth of character it takes to recognize this is pretty great. Take the hurricane in OK right now. Faithless, Godless people saying that because they are a "red" state they are getting what they deserve. (the Chaldeans thought they were awesome because they were the victorious ones) Look at what is happening in that state right now. How they are pulling together and showing love and serving each other, not holding up signs saying "help me" while they sit around doing nothing, but being the help those around them need even though they are in need of help themselves. Depth of character is being etched into their hearts. Permanent success is being fostered.
I loved that even a prophet can be confused and angry and come so boldly before the Lord and demand answers. How great that we can learn from this. A couple of days ago I was just going on about miracles, but today I feel like lamenting. How soon we forget and how quick to anger and sadness we become when things don't go our way. It is so silly, yet it is part of being a natural man. It's a fight and a choice we have to make everyday.
Why the lamenting? Because, despite my husbands belief in my ability to live in a constant state of miracles, I am convinced that I am jinxed. Many others would agree. If I were thinking like a person from the OT (let's face it we don't need to go back to the OT to see false idols being worshiped) I would probably start making sacrifices to the electronic Gods just to be on the safe side. See how easy that was to turn to idols? ;0) Everything I own that has an electrical element breaks, multiple times. I have written about this before. We thought we got a little miracle when we opened our pool this year and nothing major was wrong with the exception of nearly all the tile having fallen off (no electronics there so I'm blaming someone else in the family for this stroke of bad luck......wait, maybe it is me.....I was also born with a defective body....2 jaw surgeries from a malformed jaw...toe surgery for malformed toes.....hip surgery because my hips aren't in the correct position....did I mention my knees are about to go?....oh yeah lets not forget my near blind eyesight......crud, I think I'm the one to blame for the tile after all...shoot ). BTW this part for the pool, it will be my third time replacing it. How long is this part supposed to last, 3-5 years. How long have we had the pool? 5 years, so what is that, like 1 1/2 years between each replacement? We also just spent a major amount of money on the RV to get ready for a trip that we didn't even take. Seriously. I'm thinking of simplifying my life and cementing in the pool and selling the RV and moving into a tent. (now that I've got a solar oven, I think we would be living pretty well) Let's not forget that Nate and I just spend 2500.00 each on deductibles for our surgeries. Good times. We have the toys that we do to bring our family together and so that our kids will want to bring their friends over and stay close to home- and it works. I know that of all the trials in the world this one is pretty sweet. I could be dealing with the loss of my home and family in OK right now. That knowledge helps give me perspective but I'd be lying if I said that my weariness of this particular trial was gone. There's no point in asking why because I already received that answer the last time the RV broke and we had a miraculous repair at the last minute. There is no why, move on. Deal and endure. Don't let this be your downfall. Just like Habakkuk, I got schooled. Which happens often to me. :0) When Nate was going over our annual expenses at the end of the year he was shocked at just how much my jinx had cost in dollar form over the past year. It was pretty ridiculous. I was happy for a small moment because I got to point out that I wasn't being overly dramatic. ;0)
So, there's my moment of weakness and bleakness but like Habakkuk 3:18-19 "Yet, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments."
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