As I was sitting here trying to decide what to write about and if I would make 2 separate posts out of these 2 events, it became clear that they are really about the same thing. Before I get to the why, I will explain the what. The first picture is of the spiffy new crutches I will be using for 2 weeks following my surgery. I am having surgery on my hip this Wednesday and so these Canadian crutches (or as I like to call them special crutches) are going to help me get around. The second picture is of me going to my first day of working as a volunteer at the Albuquerque Temple. What could these 2 things possibly have to do with each other? I was trying to decide how much of my experience as a volunteer to share. I am a big proponent of sharing our "ugly" with each other. Too many people only want everyone to see their "pretty." Doing this only gives people a false sense of you and if you are "pretty" all the time an unachievable standard for everyone else to emulate. Seeing each others flaws keeps us human and relatable and gives insights into why people do what they do. I love it when President Monson talks about him getting into trouble as a kid. Especially this last conference when he talked about setting fire to a field. I always say thank goodness, there's hope for the rest of us :0) The truth is, no one's perfect, we all have flaws.
So, here's a good dose of ugly with the perspective of pretty. :0) The Temple is a place of ordinances. They need people to work at the temple to perform those ordinances. When you have small children still at home you are limited in your ability to serve. It is the rules. You can greet people and escort them, but nothing that has anything to do with ordinances. For a person like me that is constantly on the go and my brain is always on overdrive, this is a hard thing for me to do. I honestly wasn't sure how I was going to survive the day. They don't have a huge need for volunteers so why they called me to do it is unclear. The term volunteer is misleading. I was asked to do this, not the other way around. I also kept getting asked why I wasn't and ordinance worker and just a volunteer. Really people? I didn't choose this and now I feel bad for anyone who I've ever asked if they were putting in mission papers and any other on the spot questions I've ever asked. It was getting annoying and not helping my already bad attitude. But, hey, I'm happy to serve and anything I can do to strengthen my spiritual armor and the spiritual armor of my kids, sign me up for, I'm there. My seriously ugly attitude was going to have to adjust as I went along. Part of my problem was that my shift starts at 11:25 and ends at 4:30. That's a lot of "still" time. I kept reminding myself that this was a practice in stillness. I just needed to try and knock some sense back into my attitude. I thought about; if I were living back in the time of proper ladies and entertaining I would have been doing a whole lot of sitting and smiling, so I channelled that time period to help myself. While I was sitting there I was reminded of one of my very favorite people that I used to see at the Temple whenever I was there. This man made my day. I'm not sure what ailment he had but it looked something like cerebral palsy, and he used crutches like mine to get around. He had the most amazing smile and loving eyes and you couldn't help but be drawn to him. He literally oozed love. I reflected on all the experiences I've had while in the temple, some good and some bad. What made the good ones was the love I felt coming from the workers. You never know what experience has brought someone to the temple or what heartache they are going through, or the trial it was to even show up at the temple that day. The worker has the potential to elevate that experience or dash it upon the rocks. I wanted to be the one who oozes love and kindness. When I started thinking about that instead of all the negative feelings I was having, wouldn't you know that someone needed elevating! A woman was there for her very first time to perform sealings for her husbands family and I was able to help her feel good about her experience. I was able to help another worker that was there on her first day, that wasn't on the schedule (like me) which was causing all sorts of confusion, feel better. I was having the same confusing, tossed around kinda day but focusing on helping her (instead of commiserating) helped me to feel better. I also had some time to sit with another male worker and listen to him while he cried over a daughter that had a hard life and passed away. I even got the most amazing compliment from one of the maintenance workers there. He was a total flirt. He asked me "do you know why the Lord gave you this calling? So when people come to the temple they can see beauty." I will tell you that he may have had a severe form of Aspergers or something of that nature because he would have the same conversation with me more than once and didn't look at me while he was talking, but I didn't care. I loved it. I told him "thank you very much" and he said. "See, a woman that knows how to take a compliment, I love it."
I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me and reminds me "who's" I am. All it took was an image of those crutches in my mind and a person who I admired greatly, who used them, to remind me of who I want to be and how to get outside myself and serve. It really is all about the one. In serving you find pure joy and pure love. Now to bring this all back down to reality, this euphoria didn't last. I got flipped off on the freeway while I was driving home and I got in a fight with my husband on the phone over what I had in the crockpot for dinner. But, that's alright. We aren't gong to achieve perfection while we are here, not even close. The adversary wants us to think that because it's so hard and unachievable that we shouldn't even try. We are constantly being engulfed by the mists of darkness. With the hecklers in the "great and spacious building" constantly trying to get us to let go. So everyday is a struggle to grab onto the iron rod with both hands because we know the sweet fruit that is waiting for us is worth the trouble.
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