The Lemons of Life

So, I had such a spiritual high from conference and then Monday all hope seemed lost.  I hate how that happens.  I wanted to find a hobbit cave and live in it alone.  My family was not invited!  It was just the normal family stuff.  The standard "mom complaints."  I also made the mistake of reading an article about the church responding to the Ordain Women who did not heed the request to not protest on the grounds around conference and instead go to the designated "free speech zones."  The comments section was lit up with exmos.  Ex-mormons are some of the most hate filled and vile people.  It was horrible.  I started feeling defeated.  I succumbed to feelings of giving up and thinking this fight was going to be too hard.  It didn't help that as I reflected on the major theme of having courage throughout conference (it really was pretty prevelant and made me think 'oh crap, what's coming') I began to see just how horrible the world is going to start looking.    

Tuesday didn't pr ove much better.  This is where I complain about things that no one has any sympathy for - the luxuries in my life all being broken and needing to be fixed.  Sometimes I really hate money.  Life just started to look too complicated.  If things continue on the path they are on, soon all of us commoners are going to have no money and everyone is going to hate everyone.  How could I just feel like "I've got this.  Let's do this.  The Lord is on our side so let's rock these challenges"  to feelings of utter despair?  Luckily someone else was feeling those thoughts as well and lucky for me they were from a guy - I hate thinking that I am just a crazy chick with girly hormonal problems.  He talked about this very phenomena and I thought, duh, ok I think I can do this.  

For family study we were reading in Mormon.  It is the perfect place to be in the BOM when you are feeling like all hope is lost.  What do I feel about being called names and having so much hatred directed towards people of faith?  Who knows about everyone around you choosing destruction?  Mormon.

In Chapter 6 he says:

16 And my soul was rent with anguish, because of the slain of my people, and I cried:

17 O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you!

18 Behold, if ye had not done this, ye would not have fallen. But behold, ye are fallen, and I mourn your loss.

19 O ye fair sons and daughters, ye fathers and mothers, ye husbands and wives, ye fair ones, how is it that ye could have fallen!

20 But behold, ye are gone, and my sorrows cannot bring your return.

21 And the day soon cometh that your mortal must put on immortality, and these bodies which are now moldering in corruption must soon become incorruptible bodies; and then ye must stand before the judgment-seat of Christ, to be judged according to your works; and if it so be that ye are righteous, then are ye blessed with your fathers who have gone before you.

22 O that ye had repented before this great destruction had come upon you. But behold, ye are gone, and the Father, yea, the Eternal Father of heaven, knoweth your state; and he doeth with you according to his justice and mercy.

Seriously all the chapters are good.  I was going to add some more but then I realized that I would just be pasting the majority of the rest of the chapters in the book.  I was able to narrow down to just one last one found in the last chapter -this is Christ speaking-which is chapter 9:

25 And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth. 

What words are those?  You'll just have to read to find out.  I love how I can turn to my scriptures and find strength, courage and solace there.  Heavenly Father truly does love his children and he has given us everything we need to know Him and follow the patterns he has laid out for us to return into His presence having become like his son, Jesus Christ who is like his father -and ours.  

One thing we can do is to keep pressing forward.  Now that we've got all these great tools to add to our tool chest from general conference, how are we going to use them.  I think a lot about weeds because we have a lot of them here.  I spent a day burning up all the tumbleweeds in my backyard a couple weeks ago - this was after the time we burned a bunch in the front.  Guess what, there are more again.  They are relentless.  Just like the adversary is relentless.  We just have to keep going out there and burning them up.  Fire is used in the scriptures to symbolize cleansing and truth.  We have to fight off the weeds of sin and despair day after long day with fire and never give up, because the alternative is ugly and consuming.

I've been thinking a lot about the different loads I have in my truck after hearing the amazing talk given by my fav apostle, Elder Bednar.  Is the load I am carrying providing me spiritual traction or just bogging me down?  I can be a pretty stubborn person.  My stubbornness kicked in while getting ready for our trip.  I hated the tv that hangs on the wall of the rv in front of my boys bunk beds -which also happens to be the "hallway" to my bedroom.  When the slide is in and you are bumping around down the highway, you can be pretty certain that you will end up with a chunk of skin missing from an encounter with it.  There was also only a head on viewing angle for the archaic boob tube.  I wanted it replaced before the trip.  

My husband and son spent some time trying to figure out how to remove the old tv from the wall. After much finagling they realized that we needed a special hex with a "nipple"- some kind of anti theft protection. My husband was out of time to investigate further and decided that after the trip he would have time to deal with the situation.  Well, I'm stubborn and that was not acceptable.  Luckily I have a teenage son that I am trying to teach to be a man.  I'm an old fashion girl that believes in traditional roles, but I also like to do manly things because I like things to get done.  

After 2 trips to Home Depot - 1 to get the special hex and one to get a tool that would help us reach the screw behind the tv and a couple hours of work and frustration, we finally got the thing off the wall.  Jared was so frustrated that when we finally got it off he said, "what are we going to do with this, because I really hope we can use it for target practice."  We got the new one up and had a little disagreement on what 'cable' meant for getting it set up to see the satellite.  I was right and that kills him a little inside each time that happens.  We got through it and its all set up and has an awesome viewing angle even though the pixillation is crap.  We inaugurated the tv by laying in exhaustion unable to move while we watched a favorite sketch comedy.  

I really didn't have time in all my preparations for the trip to be spending on the tv (did I mention that I hit 4 stores in 1 hour including drive time to get the tv).  I'm glad now that we are on the trip that I took the time.  Would the kids have lived without it?  Yes.  It was important to me and we did get a nice little surprise while installing the new tv.  We realized that the bracket was making the new tv off center.  I have some ocd and that was not going to work for me.  We needed to move it over.  Could anything about this project be easy?! Guess what?  There were already all the holes we needed drilled in and all level from the last install - from when the installers had the opposite problem.  Badaboom, super easy to move it over and it was perfect.  

So, whatever it is that we are doing, whether it be trying to replace a tv or burning weeds or standing as a witness of God at all time and in all things and in all places, don't give up.  Keep at it and you will receive help along the way.  Your burden will be made light but it most likely wont be taken away or even feel as light as you would like, but it will most assuredly be for our good because we have a Father who loves us and is training us.  

ps, I also needed some fuses to make the AC work and I got the very last package on the shelf.  Tender mercy.  There you go, I'm feeling better already.