Witness

Can we have a conversation?  I know, that's a weird request.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about being a disciple of Jesus Christ.  Living in the last days.  What is happening to the world we live in and wondering why on earth I have taken to writing all of this down here.  I really don't know other than - I feel compelled to.  'Standing as a witness of Jesus Christ at all times and in all places'...has been occupying my thoughts.  How changing my individual life can change the world.  How my being a mother is a divine heritage and responsibility.  I've come to understand there is nothing -and I mean nothing -of greater importance- I didn't come to that realization easily- I fought against it for quite some time.  I've been struggling to know my place and role in the plan set forth by our creator, my Heavenly Father and yours.  I've been wondering how we are going to survive the challenges and what it's going to look and feel like when the wheat and the tares begin to be sifted - because I feel it coming.  With every fiber of my being, I feel it coming.  

The long and short of it is this.  I need to be a worthy vessel.  I've got to know my Heavenly Father and I've got to trust His plan.  Then, I've got to witness of it.  What is one simple small way that will not only witness to others, but cement the witness I earn for myself when I testify to others?  While I was studying the Doctrine and Covenants this morning, I came across this quote in the study manual:

When we consider the great events that lie in the future, we can see why the Saints are encouraged to keep personal histories and journals. The return to Jackson County, the building there of the temple, the return of the ten tribes from the north countries, the council at Adam-ondi-Ahman, the establishment of the kingdom of God, the battle of Armageddon, the return of Christ in glory--think how future generations will treasure firsthand accounts written by Saints who witness these events. President Spencer W. Kimball gave the following counsel:

“Your own private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. …

“Your own journal, like most others, will tell of problems as old as the world and how you dealt with them.

“Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are ‘made up’ for a public performance. There is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative. Personally I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another’s. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect?

“The good biographer will not depend on passion but on good sense. He will weed out the irrelevant and seek the strong, novel, and interesting. …

“Your journal is your autobiography, so it should be kept carefully. You are unique, and there may be incidents in your experience that are more noble and praiseworthy in their way than those recorded in any other life. There may be a flash of illumination here and a story of faithfulness there; you should truthfully record your real self and not what other people may see in you.

“Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available.

“A journal is the literature of superiority. Each individual can become superior in his own humble life.

“What could you do better for your children and your children’s children than to record the story of your life, your triumphs over adversity, your recovery after a fall, your progress when all seemed black, your rejoicing when you had finally achieved?

“Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity.

“Get a notebook, my young folks, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity. Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events.” (“The Angels May Quote from It,” New Era, Oct. 1975, pp. 4–5.)

(Section 69 Instructions to Preserve Historical Records)

I can only hope that I am doing this recording and sharing in the way God wants me to.  I try really hard not to romanticize any of the things that I share and try not to be too gloomy either.  It's a fine balance.  I do know that because it is public, I temper my thoughts more and don't share as deeply.  I've come to terms with that and try to make up for it with other journals - although I'm pretty awful at that.  Sharing your journal publicly is not for everyone.  A personal journal to be read only by family members is the way to go for most everyone.  The point is to do it and do it now.  

The world is changing at such a rapid pace and you want it documented for your posterity.  When this period in history is examined, our grandchildren are going to want an explanation for how things got to such a horrible loss of freedom.  They're going to want to know why no one saw what was coming and why they're inheritance was squandered.  I'm here to document what I see.  I'm here to tell what the cure is.  I don't want our 'houses left unto desolation.' In a time of great trials come greater miracles.  I'm here to give credit where credit is do and witness to the miracles I see in my life and in the lives of those around me - no matter how small and insignificant in the scheme of things they are.  I need the reminder as much as anyone else.  

I mentioned a little about our new dog, but I didn't classify it as a miracle.  I've been wanting a small indoor dog since before we got out gigantic outdoor dogs.  The problem I've always had was that I didn't want to fork out the kind of cash they cost when I 've got a husband that really doesn't want one.  I didn't want a dog that shed.  Didn't want a out of control yappy dog that annoyed everyone, including myself.  I didn't want to have to potty train a dog.  I didn't want a dog that chewed up my house.  I really wanted the dog to love me and cuddle with me.  The biggest part of this dream is that I really just wanted a perfect stray dog to just walk into my life and my families and that would be that.  What did I get?  Every single solitary thing on my wish list.  Is that a miracle?  Yes, it certainly is.  Will it change the world?  You know what?  Yes it will and here's how.  The more we know God is aware of our desires and blesses our lives, the more we want to serve him and the more we want to serve him the more we will bless the lives of those around us and the more we bless the lives of those around us the more the world will change!

Our dog couldn't be more adorable if he tried.  We got him and 5 days later we hopped in the RV and took a week long road trip with him.  He makes my heart smile.  I do have a tiny worry in the back of my mind - because I'm a little hard wired to expect disaster- that he may be preparing me for something tragic.  I already have issues with being too happy.  I'm a little twisted, I know.  Hey, we've all got baggage.  

btw, if I didn't mention it before, the tour of the Nauvoo temple is completely and totally in the miracle category.  I've had a couple of questions on my mind since I've been home from our trip and I came across the answers in my scriptures.  I was complaining about how every time family history gets brought up, someone talks about their famous ancestor to inspire us all to do family history.  There are lots of people that aren't going to find something amazing in that sense.  Guess what I just watched last night from the Sunday afternoon session?  William R Walker could have been looking straight into the tv at me saying 'Heather, quit being a pill' when he said " whether you are a descendant of a pioneer doesn't matter, it is your heritage as a Latter Day Saint" - or something to that effect.  The trip to the fabric store to purchase some items that I needed for girls camp with my own money (instead of submitting receipts because of a lack of budget) every thing I bought ended up being 1/2 off.  I didn't even know about the elastic I needed until I got up to pay for it and the lady and I did a little rejoicing together in my good fortune.  Which reminds me.....

I'm a little embarrassed to admit this because it seems like something I shouldn't have to make myself do.  It seems a completely natural thing that doesn't need working on.  I am trying to be more truthful in my interactions with people.  Now before you go thinking that I'm admitting to be a big fatty fat lier, I'm not.  Here's what I mean - I may have mentioned this too, but I can't keep track.  Anyway, if I've got a baptism to go to and someone asks me about my weekend or what I did, instead of saying "nothing" or mentioning everything else I did but that, I am going to start talking about it.  I'm going to start telling people the church stuff I do.  

I had the opportunity with my myo guy and repented when I didn't tell him about the baptism that I attended and vowed that I would bring up whatever I was doing the next time.  Well the next time I was working at the temple.  I was wishing that I had just explained the baptism the week before because explaining working in the temple is so much harder.  I was very vague, but he kept pursuing and I would be a little less vague hoping that would end the discussion, but he kept pressing forward.  I felt like an idiot.  

I'm a little disappointed in my performance at the fabric store with the lady I was rejoicing with over the elastic.  She asked what I was doing with all the yellow felt.  I told her that I was making masks out of it.  She then asked what they were for and then I just said, "for a church activity."  I could have done so much better.  I don't know what my problem is.  For as much as I write, when I'm out and about, I think people only want the least bit of information out of me, so I don't do too much talking.  If I know you well, all bets are off and good luck getting me to shut up.  

So, that's what I'm working on.  Changing the world by changing myself.  In the process I hope I'm also helping my children to become who they were born to be.  One thing I do know that has come out of this blog is;  the roots of my testimony have shot down into the deep rich solid soil.  I feel like cement was then added to the soil and stabilized my foundation.  Things I used to do out of obligation I now do because I genuinely want to.  President Packer tried to explain the change that had come over him as his knowledge of the Savior grew and explained that it's impossible.  I get it.  There aren't really words to describe what I can now see.