How does one become president of the "losers club?" Quite simply. All you have to do is be the only person in the room willing to admit that you're not perfect. It makes me think of a song that I do not particularly care for simply because I can't stand the whining in the voice of the singer. A line in the song says "will you let me see beneath your beautiful." It really is quite surprising how many people feel the need to put up such a perfect front. So, I like to represent all those who sit quietly thinking that they are the only ones in the room who are losers or the ones that feel compelled to come up with something amazing to say to hide the fact that they feel like a failure as well. I like to consider it part of my self imposed Batman (someones got to be willing to look like a jerk for a good cause) duties to represent the truth.
Now, I don't want anyone getting confused about my intent. I in no way am talking about being celebratory in loserness. This isn't some "hey, we're all losers so lets stop trying" rant. I also don't want to leave the impression that it is bad to celebrate success. It's not! I'm sure you've all been in a room where someone wasn't looking to celebrate success but to be braggadocios or unrealistic in their assessments of reality. I want to talk about how we really learn and change. Because in the process of real change in character, you are going to fail. It's inevitable. It's also going to hurt and most likely pretty badly because the natural man is resistant to change.
Where is all of this coming from? A training meeting I attended last night about the new teaching curriculum that was rolled out like 6 months ago - the training that specifically involves me, is in the yw program. Now in general, I have many great, positive, spiritual things to say, in fact I have said some of them here. I actually love the program and feel freed from lesson bondage. We are having some challenges though. Which are natural and should be happening if you care at all about being a teacher that brings the spirit every time and gets the yw to discover truths for themselves instead of spoon feeding them. This takes considerable skill and lots of experimentation and patience.....things that are not in my wheelhouse of natural talents. I've always thought myself a pretty good teacher but I'm looking to kick it up several notches. I want to be a facilitator of the girls finding the answers for themselves not a regurgitator of information.
Well, last night everyone brought out their beautiful. I had finally had enough and decided to represent those who might be struggling. I can handle looking like the only fool in the group. I knew that my advisor has been having a hard time and we've had a couple of personal training sessions together watching videos that are avail online and talking about our lessons when we are done. It has been a phenomenal growing experience that I have been on with her. My admission helped her to be able to speak up about some things she's been working on and trying. Now, I realize that I'm making it sound like we think ourselves epic failures, but we have had some really awesome experiences, just not as many as we would like and we still struggle getting the girls to sound like the kids on those darn videos. :0)
At one point I mentioned some of the feedback we have been getting from the youth (Because as much as these teachers believe they are absolute successes, it doesn't matter one bit what they think of themselves, it only matters if what they are doing is actually working the way they believe it is). Anyway the youth don't like that there are not just 4 lessons the same for the month, but in reality, there are 8 because sunday school is on the same schedule. What is happening is that teachers are trying to cover too much material still and not realizing that it will be covered 7 more times that month. They are also misusing the tactic that "well, I'm just going to sit here until somebody answers." That doesn't invite learning, it makes the kids feel bullied.
I was mentioning that we as teachers need to do a better job of honing in on 1 thing for the lesson. Well, someone behind me decided to pipe up with her pearls of wisdom. "You've got to really pray for what that one thing is.....etc" Well, thank you Captain Obvious. I'm so glad you seem to have a direct line to Heavenly Father because he seems to be screening my calls at present. Now, I know she meant well and she spoke the truth, but maybe if she had been "listening" she would have known that was not helpful. :0) Was that too harsh? Don't worry, I didn't say that to her.
Here's my problem. I'm a natural man. There is a story in the OT (I wish I knew where or what his name was) but he was riding a donkey and supposed to be doing something and he decided to do his own thing. He was getting really mad at his donkey for not taking him where he wanted to go. Do you know the story? Anyway, it's the kicking against the pricks lesson. You could just replace that man's name with mine. Story of my life. I am a stubborn, stubborn person. I struggle between my will and my Father's will all the time! Most of the time I can't tell the difference.
Here's the good news, which could seem a bit discouraging, but it's not really. We are supposed to be becoming like the Savior. At some point the training wheels have to come off or you've got to get pushed out of the nest. You've got to be able to put into practice all you've been taught. He's got to let go so you can see if you can handle it on your own without him telling you every thing you've got to do. The problem lies in the level of confidence you have in yourself. He's standing off to the side saying, you've got this just keep peddling. It feels lonely and scary though. Especially when you still have so much to learn. But he's still there and will step in when he needs to. In the meantime you have to trust yourself (which really is trusting the Holy Ghost) and do all you can to not be kicking against those pricks and you'll figure out all you need to.
You also have to trust that these youth are also Heavenly Father's children. He will take care of them despite the fact that you may be kicking against the pricks at the time. You also could be having a really amazing lesson and just not know it.
So, if you're feeling like a big ole failure because everyone around you seems perfect. Knock it off. They aren't perfect either. Have the courage to admit that you haven't got it all figured out and you will be open (meek/humble) to receiving all the tools you need for sanctification (my new favorite word). Besides, you will be in good company... remember?....I'm the president of the losers club.... and will welcome you with open arms, but I won't let you stay for long, because you've got amazing work to accomplish.
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